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#1
May 26, 2013, 03:54 AM
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Im about to go off the deep end on a rant here so bear with me, Just been thinking... and this may trigger...
///Rant/// I F-*** hate everyone at work, THEY ALL LIE, EVERYONES A DAMN LIAR, F-*** FAKE, THIS WHOLE F-*** WORLD IS FAKE. BACK STABBING LIARS. They lie and act like they like me but they dont, F-*** frauds. And I play the damn game too, I hate myself for doing so, I am so fake, I just act Happy. They only like me when I am on my Damn ADD medication, drugged, so that I am controllable... even though it eats up and destroys the real me, F THAT, IM NOT ABOUT TO ONLY LIKED BECAUSE I AM DRUGGED AND CAN BE TAKEN ADVANTAGED OF AND USED FOR THEIR DAMN CRAP. I hate this. its not f-*** worth it. I am a failure, I am not who used to I be.... I used to be able to get good grades, be the best, now i can barely function. GUESS WHAT SOMETIMES I FORGET S--T... and work makes me stir crazy, yea I make stupid choices Why is it the end of the world when I do it. No one understands at me... nor tries. Do i have to F-*** loose it for someone to get it? am a faker cause i hide it? I hate this, I dont want to live in a world where my only value is what work I am not doing... instead of me as a person. I swear to god, if someone even suggests that I go back on medication I am going to flip *****, or gives me any kind of similar crap... I have already decided I dont care if they send me to the hospital, I am sick of playing these damn games, I am not going to be controlled in such sick ways, I am not a F-*** tool, I am a human being.... I care for others, why the hell does no one care about me? I have friends who care but not where i live or work... I came off my medication and realized how much I missed my personality... and of course made another damn stupid mistake. It's not even worth it. Why do I even bother.... I've always been a social outcast, I am the last piece to a finished puzzle, I fit in nowhere. Nobody wants me around anyhow. I have no true friends here... I dont belong in this world... screw this *****... Maybe I am just burned out.... burned out from work, school, caring... I care very much about people and they dont even realize it. My friend and I were dicussing about how caring about others well-being is a sort of an emotional suicide... maybe I m just am burned out for trying to care. I dont F-*** know. I wish I could just fix this, why Cant i function like I used to? I used to be a hard charger and now I feel like I cant to jack *****.... I just want to cry, it seems like no matter what I do, it never gets better... ///end rant///. Sorry, i just had to write my ideas... im just really upset, fed up, what have you... I just need help figuring this crap out, i feel so lonely... isolated... Last edited by darkpurplesecrets; May 27, 2013 at 12:36 PM. Reason: administrative edit.... |
 Aiuto, jan16th, optimize990h
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#2
May 26, 2013, 09:40 AM
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Would a change of job help MikeDelta, it sounds to me like you are blaming yourself for a lot of stuff here. Is it the job, the people at the job or something else. Ranting is good. Hugs
__________________
 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#3
May 26, 2013, 09:53 AM
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I have this issue, stemming from childhood, myself. For me, it starts with my mom. I discovered this more after my parents divorced and as I was a teen. She would agree to things with me, for me, etc. Then my stepdad would tell me, she said the opposite. Then I realized that people, in this world seem to love discussing others beyond earshot. Friends that I'd think were friends were talking negatively about me, behind my back. Working, can seem fake, everyone puts on a good show for the bosses. I watched at my other location, this play out, at someone elses expense. Yet, made me wonder myself, what was being said about myself. Can't even lose weight without people questioning how you lose weight. Is it starvation, drugs, etc? That type of crud, like you seem to rant about. Why can't a person just change their diet and have an exercise routine that is effective? I don't know specifically, what those around you are saying, etc. But your expressed emotions are loud and clear and I can relate. Quote:
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#4
May 26, 2013, 11:13 AM
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I can't really just quit since i signed a contract.... but It doesnt matter, they all Fing hate me. I know i shouldnt blame myself but I cant seem to do anything right anyhow. I dont care anymore, I swear I'm gonna loose it at work if they push me I seriously do not care if they take me to the hospital maybe they'll f-ing realize I have a problem instead of pretending like everythings okay. I hate lies, I hate falsehood. I dont want to live in a damn world of lies were people are only trying to advance themselves, its sickening.
I hate being trapped and feeling like I am being controlled, I disgusts me that they only like me when I am on my medication, all drugged up. Just thinking about it makes me want to punch a wall. I feel like the only person who truly understands me is god himself, and this realm is not for me... I can't help but think it. Im not gonna do anything stupid,,,,I do still have some friends back home... but don't think I dont think about it some days, seriously... whats even more sickening is that No one would care or noticed till they realized I wasnt doing damn work... |
| Aiuto, optimize990h, pegasus
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#5
May 26, 2013, 02:41 PM
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You can quit if you have signed a contract but you usually need to give some notice. Not everyone does though so don't feel that you are tied to the job just because of a bit of paper. Nobody can tell you to stay on medication or not at work, that's up to you. I'm sorry things are so rough for you.
__________________
Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#6
May 26, 2013, 03:05 PM
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Quote:
not in the military hah, the government owns you |
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#7
May 26, 2013, 03:22 PM
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Oh sorry, didn't realise. Can you get an early discharge on medical grounds?
__________________
Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#8
May 26, 2013, 11:34 PM
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Quote:
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#9
May 27, 2013, 05:56 PM
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Sorry to hear of the problems.I was wondering have you been threw a lot of active duty?Did you check out PTSD it is very big in the military and wars.I bet you could get out and get your 100% (I know people that have) just a thought.Good luck
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#10
May 27, 2013, 09:32 PM
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Quote:
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| Vossie42
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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