My Manager

I am a cook and baker at a nice nursing/assistant home.

The other day I had noticed my manager looking at the food I had been serving to the residents. I think he said something to the Sous Chef and I had heard from one of the co-workers that he is shy to talk to women because he believes they all have an attitude. Which is wrong. I also can't assume this is true.

He happens to stare at people with this blank stare quite often. Though at times if feels uncomfortable because you feel like you may have done something wrong and he just isn't saying his thoughts.

So I am going to speak to him today about that. Something like: "Hey the other day I had noticed you were staring at me in the kitchen. I had felt uncomfortable and want to know if there was an issue that you didn't speak up about."

If he says yes : "Ok, I don't want that to happen again, please speak up so I know and can let you know; so it would be resolved."

If no: "Ok, I didn't want there to be any issues that I do not know of."

"Thanks for having this talk with me."

If any of this is true maybe he'll also know that I am not appreciative of others talking behind my back of criticism. I had another topic on here about the co-workers; most of them talk badly about others behind their back or make fun of them. Not a good environment to be around.

I think it is good that you want to speak up with your manager, especially if he finds it difficult to talk to women. It will give him the opportunity to let you know that things are ok since you are opening the door for him to talk to you. Good job.

I agree, it's good to speak to your manager. Just to know where things stand between you, as your being an employee there. This way, address any concerns, before review time, comes around.

Good for you. Let us know how it goes.

I had spoken to him the other day and he told me that there was no issue. I didn't go as far as how I felt uncomfortable. If it happens again that's when I'll for sure go into more detail. Or I'll just ask him yes firmly and say his name if he does that blank stare again. No worries.

It's best to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. <-- Words of an optimist.

He could have just been thinking, like about a recipe or a menu. Don't be so quick to take it personally. Usually managers are told to smile because the workers under them will take it personally, but I think chefs are exempt from this - maybe because cooking is more creative?

As for your living situation at home - any idea when you might be able to move out? It just seems like such a negative environment. On the other hand, I would hate to see you suckered into taking care of such a big crabby family. It would be different if everyone pitched in and at least could be polite. But they don't seem willing to listen to reason.

Yes that is true. I don't know what he was thinking at all. ha

I am actually planning on moving out soon; checking out places to live. The thing is my mom doesn't get crabby with my too often, mostly if it involves my dad too. I do agree, my parents do not discuss they yell at each other instead. My dad doesn't listen too well and then my mom yells.

I think my dad would listen to me since we do not argue and I truly do not talk to him a whole lot. I feel we do not have as much of a close relationship as we could.

I think you have to either say something when he is behaving in a way that makes you uncomfortable or, since it is a "look" maybe smile at him and see if the look changes so you can maybe judge better if he is "seeing" you or if the look is about something he is thinking and it's a looking-at-a-person-behind-you sort of look. I think everyone has some unconscious habits they pick up; when my husband is kissing me sometimes, he will be looking over my shoulder We have joked about it a couple times and I'm quite sure it is not about "me" so it does not bother me too much anymore, just amuses me in its oddness.