[scrappy30]

Hello to everyone! I was sure to introduce myself in the New Member forum before I attempted a discussion elsewhere, but this is my first detailed post, so I just wanted to say hello!

I've been working at a fast-paced sit-down restaurant for almost 2 years. My background is in retail, food service, and human services. I left my human services job almost 2 years ago because my immediate manager was a bully whose insults ranged from professional to personal issues. I was also in an extremely abusive relationship, which contributed to my decision to leave.

At my current job, I started off as a dishwasher because...I didn't want to think. I wanted to do something repetitive and simple in an effort to feel like I could gain some of myself back. After suffering a rather serious injury on the job, I began training to be a cook and have been doing that ever since. I'm considered a "veteran" cook now, though there are certainly days when I feel like it could be my first day. Since last February, I've learned I have fibromyalgia (chronic pain, chronic fatigue), the beginnings of arthritis in my hands, and a lot of depression-related stuff that is being treated with medication and therapy. I was deeply miserable for months before I knew the extent of what was going on. Last October, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and, shortly thereafter, I was diagnosed with cervical precancer. Through all of this, I showed up to work every day and did the best work I could under the circumstances.

We have one General Manager and five Assistant Managers. One of the Assistants is a bully. She's great at the nuts and bolts of her job, but her people skills are abysmal. I've let the GM know that I feel this Assistant simply hates me due to the way she talks to me. I think about leaving on a daily basis largely because of her. But there's a part of me that loves the people I work with and derives some pleasure from the type of work I do. I'm not passionate about food (my career goal is to work with animals), so I know I won't be there forever. I can't afford to quit the job without a back-up plan because others depend on me financially. Ultimately, I want out but I want it to be for the right reasons and I need to be able to survive the bullying until a more appropriate job comes along.

I'd love to hear any tips for dealing with a workplace bully that the community may be able to offer. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by scrappy30

Hello to everyone! I was sure to introduce myself in the New Member forum before I attempted a discussion elsewhere, but this is my first detailed post, so I just wanted to say hello!

I've been working at a fast-paced sit-down restaurant for almost 2 years. My background is in retail, food service, and human services. I left my human services job almost 2 years ago because my immediate manager was a bully whose insults ranged from professional to personal issues. I was also in an extremely abusive relationship, which contributed to my decision to leave.

At my current job, I started off as a dishwasher because...I didn't want to think. I wanted to do something repetitive and simple in an effort to feel like I could gain some of myself back. After suffering a rather serious injury on the job, I began training to be a cook and have been doing that ever since. I'm considered a "veteran" cook now, though there are certainly days when I feel like it could be my first day. Since last February, I've learned I have fibromyalgia (chronic pain, chronic fatigue), the beginnings of arthritis in my hands, and a lot of depression-related stuff that is being treated with medication and therapy. I was deeply miserable for months before I knew the extent of what was going on. Last October, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and, shortly thereafter, I was diagnosed with cervical precancer. Through all of this, I showed up to work every day and did the best work I could under the circumstances.

We have one General Manager and five Assistant Managers. One of the Assistants is a bully. She's great at the nuts and bolts of her job, but her people skills are abysmal. I've let the GM know that I feel this Assistant simply hates me due to the way she talks to me. I think about leaving on a daily basis largely because of her. But there's a part of me that loves the people I work with and derives some pleasure from the type of work I do. I'm not passionate about food (my career goal is to work with animals), so I know I won't be there forever. I can't afford to quit the job without a back-up plan because others depend on me financially. Ultimately, I want out but I want it to be for the right reasons and I need to be able to survive the bullying until a more appropriate job comes along.

I'd love to hear any tips for dealing with a workplace bully that the community may be able to offer. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this.

I would say learn more about Assertive Communication. It not only has you learn techniques that cause you to not feel any different emotions due to manipulation but also helps you become more confident.

A couple techniques to use are fogging and negative inquiry, which I recommend looking up. Either they won't have much more to say or get even more upset and walk away due to how they feel themselves. Because if what they say is true why feel hurt or if what they say isn't true why feel hurt. It is THEIR mindset, not YOURS. If you do take what they say personal think about later when you calm down; why did I feel the negative feeling I felt? Did something in my past pop in my head? Did I feel I needed more power?

I personally find being Passive isn't too bad just as long as you aren't feeling hurt. I find Passive behavior to be a lot more powerful at times than Aggressive; though Assertive is preferable. I find Aggressive and Passive Aggressive behavior in general just plain weak.

Also what is it she say or do that you say she is a bully?

[hvert]

It would help to list the specific behaviors this person engages in. How many are violations of company policy? Does she do these things to everyone or just certain groups of people? What kind of negative impact does each behavior have on productivity/quality? Taking that kind of information to the GM may result in action on his/her part.