[FourEyesAK]

When I first started this job, it was a god send. The pay was really good and my boss was laid back and low maintenance. I also supported a couple other managers with their work flow. Almost a year ago, I was transferred to one of those managers as the majority of my work was now coming from them and they really needed a permanent extra pair of hands.

This manager is the complete opposite of my former boss. She's a high-maintenance, micromanaging workaholic. My former boss is also her boss and the company president all think she is the best thing since sliced bread, so complaining isn't going to get me anywhere and I know it. She figuratively browbeats me if a tiny mistake is made, like a missing comma type of mistake, like its the end of the world. She is also moody and when I arrive to work in the mornings I am always trying to anticipate her mood.

The past six months have been especially bad. I can't deny that I've made many mistakes (I've caught her mistakes, too, to be fair) and it seems the harder I try, the worse I get. I dread going to work and I spend my weekends just worrying about work.

She sat me down twice in the past few weeks to address my work quality and how unhappy she is with it. And like I said, I can't deny that I've made a number of mistakes and had several lapses in memory (which is not like me at all), so they were frustrating meetings with me crying and not knowing what is wrong or how to fix it. And it wasn't really until last month that I realized that I was experiencing symptoms of anxiety and depression after 10 years of being pretty stable.

I started seeking a therapist at that time, which has been difficult because everyone is booked for several weeks out. I had a brief phone consultation with one and my first appointment is on the 26th.

At our second meeting, I did tell my boss that I was seeking help for anxiety and depression and that seemed to change her whole tone. She seemed to think that we can wipe the slate clean and that we can start over, but I've heard that before.

I feel so trapped. I need this job. I can't afford to not have this job. I've thought about selling everything off and cashing everything out and trying to live off that for a few months or moving to a new state or something. I've thought about changing jobs, but I'm actually terrified of when my boss finds out that I'm looking for another job. I'm also scared that I won;t be able to find a job that pays as well, especially since I can't afford to take a pay cut.

I am currently going to school, as well, working towards a BA in Economics, but I'm only halfway through and I don't want to rack up a bunch of student loan debt in addition to the debt I already have.

Like I said, I feel so trapped and hopeless. I feel like the only end to this ends up with me getting fired and I've put in 5 good years in this company and it would just kill me to have it end that way.

Anyways, I'm done rambling for now. I know I've taken the first step and sought help, but even so, I don't see this situation improving. Maybe that's just the depression talking, but I don't know what is real anymore and what isn't. It feels goods just to type it all out and sort of purge it from my psyche before I start another work week.

[hvert]

That sounds like a really crummy work situation. Having an abusive boss can do an insane amount of damage to your self confidence. I was in a similar situation five years ago and endured rather than leave.

In hindsight, this was a mistake. It's been a few years since I left and I still sometimes have nightmares about the place. I wish I had started looking for another job as soon as the abuse started.

I highly recommend going on interviews. It will either make your current work situation look better or offer a possible escape. It's pretty easy to keep your job search a secret from your boss.

I also wish I had used the time I had at that company more productively, i.e. that I had developed more skills or asked for company paid training that I could list on my resume.

Would it be possible to talk with your first boss about how to deal with your current boss micromanaging you and how your work suffers because of it?

[FourEyesAK]

Thanks, Hvert. You're echoing everything everyone close to me has been saying for months, "Get a new job!"

Sorry, it took me so long to respond. Internet availability has been sporadic.

A new wrinkle occurred today and has basically helped me make up my mind and while I have not secured a new job, yet, I plan on putting in my notice on Monday.

I was basically accused of violating a company policy with no proof. I may be anxious and depressed, but I do not violate company policies. I was (inwardly) outraged and offended, and of course I've been doing nothing but obsess over this all night and I will probably obsess over it all weekend. But, this is the last straw. If it's not one thing, it's another.

I consulted with my mother and she's completely supportive of me putting in my notice, even if I don't have another job lined up. She normally wouldn't encourage me to do something like that, but she fears for my mental health more than she cares about my job and financial stability.

My husband...not supportive of this decision. Financially, we should be okay until I find another job. I have a little savings, we should be getting a nice tax refund and my mother is our landlord and said she would forgive our rent until I found another job. So, I'm not really seeing a problem with it. Never mind that he's walked off at least two jobs without notice since we've been together, without having another job lined up. I don't see how this all can work if he's not in my corner.

So, I got a third opinion from my sister and she's pretty much of the opinion that I should do whatever I think is right. She was really no help, but she thinks my boss is a psychopath (and I told her not to insult psychopaths).

How do I know if I'm making the right decision? I can't bear the thought of trying to keep myself together more than the required two week notice. If there a light at the end of the tunnel, then I can do my darnedest to stay polite and professional for the next two weeks. My husband's displeasure over all this is making a difficult situation more difficult.

[hvert]

Oh, I replied on your other thread and just saw this.

Your situation reminds me so much of mine. The abusive boss, false accusations, and damage to your mental health caused by obsessing over the situation.

You do need to get out.

I'm wondering though if you would be better off asking to be laid off? I had been planning to just quit in March, but right before my Christmas vacation, I got hauled into the office, accused of something I didn't do, and told to sign a paper that indicated I would be fired the next time I made a mistake. I decided to demand severance and got laid off. I had enough extra cash to spend two months in Europe and unemployment waiting when I got home and started looking for work again.

If you are interested in that route, I might be able to find the letter I wrote demanding severance. A friend of mine who is very good at negotiating exit packages wrote it for me. It might be a long shot at a non-profit, but... it doesn't hurt to ask, right?

Good luck -- I hope it went well if you did give your notice today.