[Rayne Selene]

I'm a college student who works as a nanny. I have pretty bad social anxiety, and I've always had big problems with assertiveness. Anyways, my main job is taking care of three kids five days a week, but it wasn't enough to pay for school so I got a weekend job as well. This job has been downhill from week one.

For starters, when she first interviewed me she asked if I could be available for "a few hours" on Sunday mornings. That was fine. Then she asked me, once, if I could do a whole weekend (all day Saturday/Sunday). I needed the money, so I said yes. Since then it's just been more and more, and now she just assumes that I can be here all weekend every weekend. I know that's my fault. So now I've somehow gotten into a situation where I'm working seven days a week and it's killing me.

My second problem is, she's never home when she says she's going to be. There's been several occurrences where she's been two or three hours late. Today, I was supposed to be working from noon to five. She just texted me (it's five right now where I am) and said "hey! I'll be home in about four hours." I mean, WHAT?! I was supposed to be at my little cousin's birthday party tonight! Now I have to bail.

This really isn't working for me, and it's really frustrating. But how do I tell her? I need this job, it's good money. I also have gotten really close to the little boy I'm sitting for. I just need advice on what to do in this situation. People say "Just tell her," but for someone like me that's way easier said than done.

[Hellion]

Well you'll have to find a way to tell her....but I understand that its much easier said than done. She might take it better than you think, I mean it could just be she has no idea you're busy with other things and can't commit to as many hours.

[hannabee]

Maybe you could print out a calendar to show and block the hours you are available. Tell her to check it daily and that you will be adding your obligations to it so she won't make plans on days and times that you are busy. It's worth a shot anyway. Good luck

Not a bad idea. Maybe you could tell her it was ok when you weren't so busy but you can't really commit that much time anymore. You will need to learn to say no or she will just keep taking advantage whether she intends to or not. I know for me I will ask people something and if they don't say no or disagree I really have no choice but to assume they are being honest. If I find out later they were holding back I feel really bad. You might want to role play with somebody who can be a devils advocate. Or at least practice in the mirror.

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[CheryCross]

She sounds unaware of how inconsiderate she is being. I know how that feels. Confrontation is so difficult when you struggle with social anxiety. I think the calender idea sounds really good. You could leave it for her with a note explaining that you have recently had to take on other obligations and you need to organise your time to make both work. Also on the calender you could mark days it is possible for you to do overtime (when she can be 4 hours late)! and mark days she must be on time.

I know leaving a note seems like a cop out, but you need to resolve this without stressing yourself out too much! Good luck.

[hvert]

I'm really bad at that, too. I worry about not being quick enough on my feet. I find that practicing with someone else helps a lot and it usually isn't as bad as I am expecting.

She sounds like a boundary pusher. I would decide what hours you want to be available to her and stick to those, no more special favors. I would also be prepared to lose the job if it turns out that she needs a full-time weekend babysitter.

Another possibility is to triple what you charge if she is late.

[Travelinglady]

I have sometimes written my "speech" out and shared it, saying I want to make sure to get the information correct.

Suggestion: Tell her how much you love the job and the kids first, but then say, "However, I am not able to always be available at the last minute....." and so on.

[smatrass]

Send her a text message early in the week stating that you have prior engagements and as such, you will only be available to work for the few hours Sunday that you originally signed on for.

If she is late that Sunday, send her a text telling her that you are going to your prior engagement with her child in tow and that when she's ready she can come to your primary job or birthday party or whatever and pick him up.

[CheryCross]

Sending a text is not avoiding the confrontation, it's just delaying it. (So i guess you can scrap my note idea)

Travellinglady has it right. It can be scary 4 hours after a text or it can be scary at the moment you pick (and so will, probably, the whole morning leading up to it).

Just note down what you would like to change and calmy state it to her. The fact she can see you've written it beforehand will reveal to her that this is important to you, It may even strike up some empathy--Maybe- but she sounds pretty selfish

[Mysterious Flyer]

Send her a text on Sunday morning and tell her that you will be four hours late today. End it with a smiley face. Then look for a different gig.