[mortalache]

I'm nearing the end of a class in Medical Coding. I paid for the course while working part time at a store the past 10 months. My certification exam is in a few weeks and now it seems the weight of everything I've been through over the years is crashing down on me as I worry about how I will handle my life if I do not pass this exam.

Every choice I've made up to this point regarding employment and training has been out of desperation to find a place I can belong to and live with. The years continue to go by and I still seem to be only at the start, and my time feels like it's truly running out. I don't think I have it in me to start over again down a different path with the amount of failure and dead ends I've come to. My depression has been manageable the past few months, but a potential upset like failing my exam I've no doubt will set me back. Not knowing how I may react is a little unsettling. I've just never felt there was so much on the line at risk and I'm not sure how to really handle that.

[kaliope]

you are weighing all this on failing yet you have given no indication that you have been a poor student or a reason to expect failure beyond our normal fears of failure. perhaps if you change your point of view to expect success, tell yourself there is no reason you are going to fail because you are prepared for this with the education you have been receiving over the years you can alleviate some of your doubts and fears. take care.

[Mustkeepjob32]

You're catastrophizing, worrying about a future event that hasn't happened. How were you as a student. I agree that thinking positive is the best way into the test. Going into the test with negative feelings will make things harder all around.

[mortalache]

Yes, I know I'm wrong for thinking the way I am. I'm sorry.

[Mustkeepjob32]

Don't be sorry. I tend to do the same thing. How were you in school?

[mortalache]

Originally Posted by Mustkeepjob32

Don't be sorry. I tend to do the same thing. How were you in school?

I did pretty well in school and my first year of college (I never went beyond that due to financial issues). Now I think I'm being especially critical of every mistake I make while studying, even though the mistakes are where we usually learn the most and it's better to make them now than during the exam...

It might be best to follow up with my therapist before my mind gets any darker than it has been lately. There's really no reason I shouldn't go into this test with a decent amount of confidence. Just need to try a bit harder and rely a little more on the support I'm lucky to actually have at this point. Thanks for your responses.

[Mustkeepjob32]

It sounds like you're already feeling more confident. That's good! But also you should follow up with your therapist, at least to bounce ideas off of.

[mortalache]

Have to update--I found out two days ago that I passed my exam I've never felt so relieved in my life...lol This really means I can go after a career I actually want and am now qualified for...

I was so afraid of failing--knowing I would have fallen apart if things had gone differently. I'm not sure if I'm being a fool to believe it's safe to breathe a little easier for now, but I'm going to try. Only good things should come from this, or that's where much of my hope rests.