Are you only a person when you have a job?

True. I was ridiculed for not keeping jobs for long but have a job now at almost 4 months being there, but will be looking for a 2nd job soon.

Too bad there are so many stuck in jobs they hate.

I can't work because I'm so depressed and now I'm crippled by arthritis. The title of this thread immediately drew my attention. I feel deeply unfulfilled and useless to society because I don't work. I think our jobs are a large part of our personal identities.

From the time kids are able to walk we ask them 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' Maybe a better focus would be 'What type of person am I hoping to raise?' I realize most parents are already doing this but it does give me pause for thought ...

One of the big problems with my friend is that we met when I was just starting my career ten years ago. I started off at an entry level job and in his mind, that's where I'll always be. The work he threw my way was entry level work that I just don't do anymore. I felt like asking him if he wanted a job digging ditches.

The other really hard thing with not working, by choice or not, is that no one understands that you actually have stuff to do. I'd always heard people say that, but now that I am living it, I get it! Friends want me to do things with them all the time and seem to get irritated when I say I can't. I went out with a friend today for a 'quick' trip to a farmer's market. Four hours later, we were finally on the way home and she kept insisting that I must have time for lunch! I don't think I'll let her drive again.

I get that they have a day off or whatever and figure that I am just sitting at home bored out of my mind, but I'm not. Even though I don't think I have that many friends, it seems like there is someone who wants to do something every day of the week.

This idea about not having a self identity outside of the office is an interesting one. I left a job for another that was a demotion in title but a promotion in pay. On top of that, the old job had been for a company that was very large and well known locally for their good work. The new job was for a tiny company that did something I wasn't very proud of, and no one in my town had heard of them. I found that I was too embarrassed to tell people what I did or who I worked for.

I learned in hindsight that I had very strongly identified myself with my job and once that was gone, it was like I was lost. I'm still unsure how to identify myself now -- am I self employed? A slacker? A daytrader? A traveler? A developer? I have no idea. I haven't come up with a quick way of saying what I'm doing right now, besides enjoying myself and burning through my savings

No, they actually think the opposite; the jobs I could get at my current education and experience level are below my capabilities. Most of the people I've currently been around think that me working right now would be a huge waste of my time, energy, talent etc. Maybe it's just the people I'm around, but they all seem to have the attitude that if you're any kind of artist, writer, musician etc., that if you're working outside your field, you're wasting your time (unless you have a dire financial need of course).

I guess you could technically say I am doing a "job", I'm just not getting paid on a regular basis. And that's what makes me feel like less than a person. It's not whether I have an official job title or not, it's whether I can personally pay all my bills 100% of the time or not. I feel like most artists can't for most of their lives anymore without taking jobs that waste our talent.

I guess a lot of people are wasting their time trying to pay their bills and put food on the table!

It is sooo easy for people who aren't in the same situation to give out their opinions and suggestions.

I think the only thing that was meant was that if you have money already to pay bills and put food on the table, then it's a waste to work at a job that has nothing to do with your talents/skills.

I'm sorry, I doubt I'm welcome in this thread so I'll bow out.

If I'm less of a person for not working, if someone murdered me they should have a milder penalty than if they murdered a real person with a job.

Right?

I think you misunderstood me. I am saying the people in your life are giving out suggestions which don't apply to most unemployed people. It's not a waste to have a job that puts food on the table even if it's not related to your degree, experience or talents.

Food is just one form of sustenance. For artists, it's possible that not creating can be nearly as deleterious as not eating. An insurance salesman may be happy because he makes enough to eat surf and turf every day. A painter who can paint might be just as happy surviving on rice and beans. I personally would choose the latter. Just give me my favorite hot sauce for the rice and beans.

Not good enough... I've felt criticized for having "menial" jobs, a quite secure, well paying job that was "only" a contractor position, for job hopping, and even for staying in a job I mostly hated for "too long". A black and white thinking, controlling person in my life at the time told me in a disgusted tone "Who stays in a job they hate for 8 years?!?!... Really, who does that!?!" The fair minded would argue it shows patience, fortitude, loyalty to your coworkers and a desire to make things better. Yet this person chose to disparage me. But I realized she was speaking from her own feelings of fear and poor self esteem. My complaints about work were a direct threat to her need to have those in her life reflect back only happy feelings that soothed her fear of abandonment. I guess the point is that the reaction of those in our life usually has more to do with them than us. Our struggling makes them feel uncomfortable and we, in turn, react negatively to that. The alienation is self fulfilling...

What happens when rice and beans isn't enough? I'm not an artist...and I don't mean to offend any artists, but I am a very practical person.

I know how this is all too well. I've tried and tried to find a job, but can't find one where I'm at right now because of their unspoken requirement of needing to speak Spanish, which I don't speak. I just keep getting nagged at by family "find a job" "there are plenty of jobs" (a complete lie btw), "quit school to get a full time job" (I'm already 2 years behind on school, why would I want to do that, I'd just end up even further behind), blah blah blah. I just feel like a complete waste of space because of how people treat those that are unemployed or have trouble even finding a job, let alone one that works with a school schedule. Sometimes I wish I could just disappear, then I won't have to deal with it anymore.

I hear you. People I talk to sometimes give me a hard time because this is the longest I've gone without work in many years. But I point out to them there's no way I could have earned the high grades I did if I were to work full time. If I worked full time, I would have needed to push back school which would set me back further.

As I've mentioned before, it is very easy for people to give their suggestions. When they've never had to experience this before, they believe they have all the answers. I'm looking for a job now and get told not to be "too picky." First of all, there's hardly anything out there to "pick" from, and I am not comfortable just taking any old job. I want to utilize my skill set, or else why did I go back to school?

You can't win. When I was on SSDI, I was told "must be lucky to retire so young and live a life of leisure!" (Yeah, on $900/month in Los Angeles -- high on the hog)

I would have gladly traded the mental anguish and frequent hospitalizations for a job.

Then, when I finally found and kept a good job, I'm a "government drone" and "my taxes pay your salary." I think people are jealous and always afraid someone has something better than they do.

I think people aren't willing to admit the possibility of bad things happening to them. People were shocked to find out I was getting laid off and assumed we as employees did something to "deserve" it. No sorry, the employer gets to "deserve" their consequences now with their outsourced service where they can't even speak fluent English and provide poor quality work. Good job, idiots! LOL

LA is an expensive place to live...let alone off SSDI. Where I live, 900/month is apartment rent! Sometimes people should really think about what they are going to say.

We are none of us our jobs. We happen to spend alot of time at them, but they don't define us. We can leave them, we can get new ones, we can change to a totally different type of work.

We are who we are, and our work is only one attribute of that.

I hate the crap in the news right now about the value of a person who might be on welfare, food stamps, tuition assistance, disability, social security or unemployment.

The value of a person is who they are, not what they do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End. I think the only thing that was meant was that if you have money already to pay bills and put food on the table, then it's a waste to work at a job that has nothing to do with your talents/skills. I'm sorry, I doubt I'm welcome in this thread so I'll bow out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Strive4health I guess a lot of people are wasting their time trying to pay their bills and put food on the table! It is sooo easy for people who aren't in the same situation to give out their opinions and suggestions.

My fellow "island inhabitants"

I feel you both make good points. I.A.T.E., It IS a waste not to use your skills/talents, and sadly that is happening a lot in this country. I tell you, the last thing I want to "celebrate" is this country on the 4th. Give me a good movie and good book to forget things.

Strive, working at a job that pays peanuts only has one advantage in my opinion: One can say he/she is employed. And we all know how much employers want someone to be employed before they employ them. You'd be lucky if the pay covers a tank of gas, assuming one has a car.

In most big cities, the cheaper areas are always the seedy or high-crime areas. It's like punishment for being poor.

"Rice and beans" is always enough when the person eating it determines it to be enough. Note that I'm not being literal here. Rice and beans could be whatever as long as it gets you by to do what you love. Of course, we all need a balanced diet, optimally... practically. But the essence is what we need or think we need is all subjective and relative to one's point of reference. Some people define "surf and turf" as caviar and kobe beef, while others can be thrilled with lobster tail and NY strip. For some, shrimp and sirloin at Appleby's is the ticket. Or some look forward to going out once a month for salmon cakes and chicken breast at the local diner.

I've worked since I was 12!(summers) I'm now 42, so 30 years of work. I started by picking strawberries, my parents would drop me off w/ a bottle a water and pick me up in 4 hours (needless to say I hate strawberrys!) I earned 25 cents a quart. The next 3 summers I painted picnic tables @ a campground down the road earning $2 a table. From there McDonalds for 6 years starting pay $3.85. Needless to say, work ethic was important in my family. When I was 22 I became a certified nurse aid and found my passion. I have been a caregiver since. I have always gotten great performance reviews, but have struggled with attendance due to my mental health issues. Today makes 7 weeks w/no work and I am beyond wrecked. It has never taken me this long to find work. I'm wondering if it because I'm getting older? Either way, the struggle right now is severe. As someone used to working 2/3 jobs simultaneously, I am beyond lost

[QUOTE=regretful;3803723]I had a job that I enjoyed and felt like a much more complete human being then. I had a good work/life balance, or so I thought...now I'm not working in the career that I enjoyed and I'm feeling like

This is exactly how I feel. It's like my profession and going to work everyday defined my existence. I simply love working and staying busy. Not working is painful.

It's too bad that changing/getting a new job or career isn't as easy as changing your shoes.



I mean, if one is stuck in a crappy job, it's not always so easy to "just get another one." It works for SOME people, but unfortunately not for everyone.

I feel like I am less than human, and not having a job holds me back from having a life at all. I don't even entertain the thought of a relationship for example or go out and meet new people. I isolate myself. I'd love to be working, I just don't have a clue what job would allow me to miss so much time due to anxiety and depression lol.

I feel much the same. Without a job or even the belief I am employable, I have no hope for a girlfriend, wife, family. I've pretty much given up. I no longer even have any desire for romance or any relationships for that matter other than my family. Being out of work for this long has dropped me way down on the totem pole in so many ways. A menial job at this point is just not worth the effort and scrutiny. An old friend of mine recently contacted me via social media. I just can't bring myself to reply. I know I should think about the other person who is making a good faith effort to reconnect, but I am dogged by wondering why I should bother him with my problems?