[mandarina999]

Hi everyone. I ended up here after looking for an online psycologist during a breakdown I am having because of a major-huge-big mistake I made with a client.

I made an error with a documentation to send and we didn't realized until now, so it is hard to fix, I think.

The problem here is I think I cannot handle well the mistakes I make and I am not able to difference the simple error of a word in a document or big mistakes like this one. I am also very worried about not being good at this job, that I love and I would like to develop a career in.

My whole life I've believed I was intelligent, efficient and I've always been a good student and responsible... even in university I was quite good. I've even been in a couple of internships related to my field and I did good... until I came here. I don't stop making mistakes and my co-workers treat me like my mistakes are worse than theirs and most of the time they cover each others mistakes so I don't know until I check a document or read an email but mine are added up to my bad image and profile.

Two of them think I am stupid and when I do something "good" they talk like is a surprise. I don't feel comfortable around them, I am always scared about do something that they will read as "dummy", "silly", "stupid"...

This time the mistake is big and is not the first time I am having an error with this task... I don't want to make excuses but the errors were made in the same frame of time when I was not good with that task, so mistakes are arising now.

How can I know I am good at my work? Because I cannot forget any mistake I make, I even have a list to not repeat them, but some mistakes like passing little corrections my boss told me I continue to fall. I realised I don't have the attention to detail I thought or at least was not enough for what is required here.

Before we knew about the error I asked my boss about renewing my contract and he agreed but I am not sure I am able to be good as this job as my co-workers are or they act they are.

On a personal level I don't feel good either, these two co-workers are racist, are an item and are always gossiping, making fun of the rest of the team, talking bad about them in front of you, so I know they are doing the same about me...
I don't know I only want to quit and start over in another place where my reputation is not this harmed.

Sorry for this long long post. Thanks in advance if someone makes it to here, and bless you if you even waste your time responding, hahaha.

Have a lovely day.

[Little Lulu]

Early in my work life, making mistakes really took a tole on me emotionally so I can relate. I had trouble accepting that being new on a job, learning, and making errors is part of being human and part of the journey.

One of the things I did was develop a "process" and followed it the same way each time. (Hospitals starting doing this is surgery years ago and it drastically reduced surgical errors.) It sounds like you are already doing this (making a list) so maybe you just need to work with your process, follow it, tweak it if you need to until your work becomes second nature and comfortable.

By the way, I learned over the years that it takes me about a year or longer in a new job to get really efficient and accurate. I also learned not to "announce" any mistakes I had to made to my co-workers unless the nature of the work required it. Job performance issues are between the employee and boss.

[Little Lulu]

Funny but I just heard this quote this morning ...

"A mistake isn't failure unless we don't learn from it and grow".

[mandarina999]

Oh, thanks a lot for stopping by. I am taking the quote for my desk.

I will follow your advise and create a proccess, what I do now is just jotting down the mistake and feel bad about it.

I don't really like my co-workers and they don't really like me but it is frustrating that they act like they never made any mistake, maybe I am naive for hoping them not to treat me like the silly mandarina and just show a little respect, but I love my job and I just want to know I am not unable to be good at it.

I will be more discreet about my stuff, here is quite difficult but for future situations.

Thanks a lot again

[hvert]

I agree with Little Lulu. When you are starting a job, it is natural to make mistakes. If your boss wants to renew your contract, that shows that he has faith that you will do well.

Your coworkers sound kind of mean. I hope your relationship with them improves. Is it possible they feel threatened by you i.e. they are worried that you will do a better job than they do?

There's no harm in looking for a new job, either -- you can keep this one until you find something better.

Also, sometimes we find out that the career we think we wanted isn't what we thought it would be. It's okay to change your mind as you learn about your strengths, weaknesses, and preferences.

[mandarina999]

It is crazy but my boss just told me I won't be renewed, and that today was my last day there. It is true that there was not as much work as when I got there, he hired me because he liked my cv and not because there was a vacancy to fill, but it is sad.

Is interesting that I don't feel bad at all. As I told you I didn't like my co-workers and didn't feel comfortable there. I don't know if it has something to do with the mistake...but well, I have a long summer ahead. Now I don't have another option but look for a job, haha

It is funny how life works.

Thanks a lot for everything, see you around,

[hvert]

I guess sometimes we have our decisions made for us! I hope you enjoy your summer and find a new job with nicer coworkers.

[Little Lulu]

Amen hvert!

[waterknob1234]

Best of wishes mandarina. I believe you will find a better job that you will be more comfortable with. Consider this job as a learning experience. I agree with Little Lulu about finding a process with things. Hugs to you.

[Vossie42]

I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. I had two bosses. One was great and the other was horrible. I kept making stupid mistakes with the horrible boss. Anxiety made it worse. I kept making the same stupid mistakes over and over. I thought I was really stupid and incompetent at the time. The horrible boss certainly reinforced that through her dealings with me. The great boss defended me until I messed up one of her assignments. I realize now that anxiety had a huge role in why I kept making mistakes beyond the normal mistakes when learning a new job at a new company. I finally quit and went back to school.

So, even though it's not fun to be without a job, be glad you're no longer in that soul-sucking environment. It's really hard to do well in a place where your coworkers are like what you had to deal with. So much pettiness. They're stuck in high school. That's a company that doesn't have it altogether. You deserve to work in a better environment.

Be sure to take some time to decompress and regain your footing. You'll do fine in the future.

[mandarina999]

Thanks to all for the well wishes, the more I think about it the more relieved I feel. I am not too brave so I would not quit the job myself...they really made me a favour. I don't like how my boss handled situation, it was quite embarrassing, I've lost a lot of respect for him but at the end of the day I won't have to see them again, I managed (still don't know how) myself to be smiley, nice, positive, a little proud-y too when I was packing my things, I almost cried twice but controlled myself so I am quite proud.

Thanks again to all of you. This situation really made me learn about the job, about my career, and about myself and having the low self-esteem I have I've seen some positive things about myself, so the outcome is not that bad.