[silver132000]

I have had a couple of short term absences from work over the last few years. This time so far is the shortest. But it has also been the most productive as far as healing and proper treatment.

My therapist is pressuring me to go back to work - because she thinks it will be therapeutic - however, I dont feel ready. In fact - I am not sure about returning - at least not yet.

My manager is not pressuring me, nor is the insurance company - in fact, I have a great deal of support from my employer to get healthy. My plan this time around is to deal with my demons and be well enough to do my job without future disruptions like I've been through.

While I am happy a great deal of the time - I still struggle daily with motivation and am challenged with anxiety and depression. I meditate very often for my souls well-being also.

My therapist is great, she has helped me deal with my abuse - but there is so much more to deal with - which I've been finding out over the last few days. It's come to my consciousness that there are an awful lot of people that I have hurt - people I have loved - friends that I have pushed away. I cant for the life of me remember what I did to end the relationships but I know I was not a good person.

I know that I've made a fool of myself at work - over and over again. I fear walking back in to the faces that will greet me in a large open office. In a building I have worked in for over 10 years where I see people daily that have experienced my break downs and my out of control emotions.

I dont know what to do. I really dont. I feel lost.

[Travelinglady]

Hey, silver132000, and welcome to Psych Central! I would tell your therapist what you have told us and see what she says.

[Little Lulu]

Hello silver 132000. I, too, took some time off work due to mental health issues and my therapist also encouraged me to go back. I had a lot of anxiety about returning and it was not easy. I think I would have been anxious whether I returned to my old job and faced my co-workers or a went to new one.

This was many years ago but looking back, returning to work was exactly what I needed to do. I realized that there never was going to be the "perfect" time to go back and that working actually took my mind off of me.

I don't know what is right for you ... just sharing my own experience. Remember, though, that part of having a therapist not just putting your stuff out there to them to listen to but is also respecting and listening to their advice.

[silver132000]

Thank you both. Yes I have been working on my anxiety. Working hard on it all Fast also!

Cheers!

[Mustkeepjob32]

Your therapist is probably just wanting you to return to work sooner than later because to most of us work is such a part of our identities and self-esteem. Of course if you feel you're not ready, it'd be better to wait instead of rushing it. I'm in that position right now as a matter of fact.

[lacerta]

My mentall illness appeared while I was pregnant, I was off the work for about 5 month before birth-giving and about 1y6m afterwards. So about 2 years off the work. It was really hard to return back to work, at first I thought it would be close to impossible, because while at home I had trouble getting out of the bed, getting out of the house etc. But I had no choice as my financial support run out and I had to return. It was really hard at first, my depression was coming back for the first month, I was very stressed about waking up at certain times, getting to work etch. But it got a lot better after the first month, now I'm felling lot better than I did at home, I enjoy being among people, having day structured.
I would suggest considering half-time job at first, see how it goes.

[scooterb]

Originally Posted by silver132000

I have had a couple of short term absences from work over the last few years. This time so far is the shortest. But it has also been the most productive as far as healing and proper treatment.

My therapist is pressuring me to go back to work - because she thinks it will be therapeutic - however, I dont feel ready. In fact - I am not sure about returning - at least not yet.

My manager is not pressuring me, nor is the insurance company - in fact, I have a great deal of support from my employer to get healthy. My plan this time around is to deal with my demons and be well enough to do my job without future disruptions like I've been through.

While I am happy a great deal of the time - I still struggle daily with motivation and am challenged with anxiety and depression. I meditate very often for my souls well-being also.

My therapist is great, she has helped me deal with my abuse - but there is so much more to deal with - which I've been finding out over the last few days. It's come to my consciousness that there are an awful lot of people that I have hurt - people I have loved - friends that I have pushed away. I cant for the life of me remember what I did to end the relationships but I know I was not a good person.

I know that I've made a fool of myself at work - over and over again. I fear walking back in to the faces that will greet me in a large open office. In a building I have worked in for over 10 years where I see people daily that have experienced my break downs and my out of control emotions.

I dont know what to do. I really dont. I feel lost.

If you're not ready to back to your old job maybe you could get a volunteer job so you are still being "productive" but without the pressures of your past employment. If you're not ready to go back to work listen to your gut. Only you know how much pressure you can take at the moment. The last thing you need right now is a major breakdown. Try treating yourself like you would your best friend.