[FrozenYogurt]

Before I get into it, let me give you a little backstory.

My mom is a superhero. She's a single mother and she raised 4 children, of which I am the youngest. She's had the same stable job for 15+ years and so far we've been alright. But lately, her job is in danger. She's either going to get fired, or have to take a big pay cut. Either way, we're scraping the bottom of the barrel. We barely have enough to eat. The only reason we have a roof over our head is because our landlord is a very, very good friend of our family and is letting us stay here for free, as long as we need to. If there are such things as miracles, I experienced one. We were weeks away from homelessness, and this huge blessing was bestowed upon us. But, we still can't pay our bills.

Notice I say "we" and "our" bills. I find myself very worried about my mom's financial situation. My mom is the most important person in the world to me. She suffered a stroke a few days ago (she just got out of the hospital last night) and now she's on bedrest until she can get the surgery she needs. I'm happy she's home and healthy, but I find myself worrying about medical bills. That's what I realized that I am so wrapped up in my mom's finances. It hurts me to see her struggle, and it gives me a great deal of anxiety.

I know I need to worry about my own financial situation. Which is good. I work two jobs and go to school. I make decent money. Enough for me to buy groceries and pay my bills. I'm studying computer networking and by the time I'm out of school, I'm hoping I'll have enough to move out on my own. My long-term girlfriend and I are already planning where, when, and how we're going to do this. Sorry, I derailed a little bit. I blame it on the meds. Anyway, the point of this post is to say that I love my mom so much and I don't want her to struggle with money, so I try to help her out. But my dad (whom I rarely talk to), is always insinuating that I focus on myself first and not to let my mom drag me down with me. I could move in with my dad and never worry about money again (he's Mr. Moneybags), but I can't abandon my mom like that. I'm just not sure what to do. On the one hand, I know I need to focus on my future. On the other, I feel responsible for being the "man of the house" ever since my dad left. I try to help as much as I can, but it's never enough. Thoughts?

[hvert]

I hope your mother recovers well from her stroke -- that is scary!

I am curious - why do you have financial problems if your mother hasn't lost her job and someone is letting you stay somewhere for free? Is it because she has been out on sick leave without pay?

[FrozenYogurt]

I assume my mom has money problems because of debt. I'm not exactly sure, but I think the majority of the debt comes from legal fees. My parents had a long and messy divorce that my mom is still paying for. And they started coming after my mom for student loans. I really don't know why we're so broke.

I'd stick with my plans about establishing my own autonomy and independence, and if it will help to alleviate your anxiety, you can always give your mom temporary housing should she end up losing her job and become homeless.

It might not hurt for her to check into disability and public assistance options available to her due to the stroke ... She may qualify for programs up to and including dismissal of most (if not all of her medical expenses) which may help her with the student loan issues by not adding extra financial burdens to the ones already existing.

With all that being said, I also find it appalling whenever parents divorce in such a messy and nasty fashion that they end up harming their kids in the process! ... Children shouldn't be the ones who end up picking up the pieces of their parent's lives when it all goes to @#$%! ... The parents should do their best to make sure the children are wounded and impacted by it as little as possible!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[hvert]

I agree with Pfrog.

I also wonder if she has looked into bankruptcy to clear the legal fees? Perhaps your help straightening out the debt mess and helping her figure out what help she can get would be worth more than any money you toss her way.