i like my job, but working is mentally taxing?

To preface this I just wanted to say that I'm only 18 and still in highschool as well. Sorry if this is lengthy.

I began working about a month ago. It is at a greenhouse, i worked there last year too for about 6 months during spring and summer. I usually work in the back, receiving shipments, labeling, counting, planting etc. It is pretty simple stuff. I also typically don't have to work with customers which relieves some anxiety.

But my mental health degraded heavily in between the last time i worked there, and now. I have attempted suicide and have been hospitalized twice which were some of my major breaking points. I'm scared work will cause me to break even more? I'm still in a very bad place, medicine has helped somewhat but a lot is still wrong in my head.

I don't even work that often, only part time. Last year i worked about 20-25 hours/week. Right now i'm only working around 16 hours but that is pretty much all i can since i'm in school and we close earlier in this month (next month my hours will change bc we are open later). I work 2.5 hours a day for 4 weekdays and 8 hours on saturday. The short days are def not as hard but it is 8 hours that kill me. I can't take being around people all day, i get fatigued really easily, i can't concentrate, i have no motivation, i get paranoid etc. as the day goes on these get worse. School is already hard enough to manage. Every day i drive there i get so much anxiety it hurts.

I know there is absolutely no way I will be able to work a 40 hour a week job in my future. I am afraid when i'm older i will have no way to support myself because of this disability. In march it may be easier because i'll only work 5 hours, 4 days a week. But that is still very toiling for me. I don't know what to do, maybe I should quit. How will i ever survive when i'm older and independent :/ the sad thing is i do like this job, i dont want to work anywhere else. it is almost ideal, objectively. plus my coworkers are good. i'm the problem...

Hi, sorry to hear you are getting so stressed about work. It happens to all of us.

You said: "The short days are def not as hard but it is 8 hours that kill me. I can't take being around people all day, i get fatigued really easily, i can't concentrate, i have no motivation, i get paranoid etc. as the day goes on these get worse. "

When I work 8 hours I have to have healthy snacks and fluid every 3 hours and a nourishing high protein low carb lunch. I even take a nap in my car at lunch and that really helps. I always set an alarm.

If you count school is work you probably already are doing over 40 hours a week. Wait till you get out of school before you worry too much.

The forums are a way to share your story and also read other people's stories and share with them as well.
forums.psychcentral.com

You might want to revisit with your psychiatrist to discuss the possible need to revise medication options for diminishing symptoms.

Some people find a therapist helps them talk through some of the roots their challenges stem from.

If you wish to chat privately or just have a question, feel free to private message me or other Community Liasons (left click on the name to the left of the post you want to private message, select Send Private Message)

Thanks for sharing your story.

I felt the exact same way, so please understand that you are not alone in this.
First of all, try to refrain from saying "I can't" or "There is absolutely no way", because a big part of this has to do with positive and negative thinking, that's it. Your actions follow based on your thought process. If you say you can, you can. If you say you can't, you can't. It's that simple. So watch what you're saying to yourself. The brain believes anything you tell it.

Here's a background on my experience with what you're going through -
When I turned 18 my mom immediately told me to get a job or else she would kick me out. She even dragged me to an Air Force recruiting office. I was a signature-away from joining the military before I realized doing that would be a bad mistake for my mental well-being. I simply wasn't strong enough to join the military at age 18, already having been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, not to mention I'm a tiny female that can get blown over in a gust of wind and have exercise asthma, I probably would have been sent home in a panic within the first week there.

So instead of the military, I got a job as a retail cashier for a trendy female clothing store. This was just part-time. I felt anxiety-ridden at this job, and had a line of customers out the door whenever I'd get stuck on the cash register. I felt embarrassed, anxious, paranoid, and incompetent. I also felt like my coworkers didn't like me. I felt like the customers thought I was weird. I wanted to run out of the doors every time I worked. Getting my paycheck sucked because the amount of money was such a small amount for all the emotional torment I was putting myself through. I quit shortly after.

Then I got a volunteer position job at an elementary school as a kindergarten teacher's aide, I really loved this job, but it was mentally taxing as well. I didn't feel nearly as paranoid on this job because the kids loved me and the teacher appreciated my help. But because this was a volunteer position, I had to quit because I had to start making money.
This job was obviously more suited to my personality and therefore I felt better while working. Even though I was tired while working, it was a lot more tolerable than the other one.

So this means you need to shop around for a job that actually fits your personality. You might have to kiss a few frogs before you find the one that works for you.

Now I'm working at home as a call center rep and I hate it, but it's the most money I've made in any job so far. I'm going to get my associate's degree so I can move onto a better job in the future, but right now I am forced to stick with this one. It takes every ounce of energy for me to get online and start operating calls from customers, since customer service is not something I like to do. But as I'm getting older I'm realizing how much experience I have gained from these jobs. It might not feel like it, but you are growing as a person and you are becoming stronger.

The key is to just find a job that matches your personality and your skills. Be open to all sorts of jobs, and if you don't like it you can always quit and search for another one. You will always have the experience to look back on.
When you're working, try to "empty your mind". We expel a lot of energy with anxious thoughts.
Ask yourself these questions - Do I want a job that is mostly outdoors? Do I want a job that is mostly indoors? Do I want a job working with lots of people? Do I want a more solitary job? Just by answering these questions, you can narrow down your chosen job fields.

Could you ask about working four hours instead of 8? Or not work that shift at all? Going to school and work at the same time is actually harder in some ways than just working 40 hours, so don't lose hope for the future.

Thank you guys for the input! Unfortunately the minimum number of hours for them to hire you is 20 a week, which i don't even make but they like me so they are letting me work there still :/ i dont think i could get less hours on saturday unfortunately.

As for careers, i really don't know what will happen then haha...ah. I just try not to think about it. I do like this job but it is just ..hard on me

Hey, chasms, don't be getting ahead of yourself and borrowing problems! You'll wear yourself out with the worry about things that may not happen. I was not working at your age, when I was still in school. You are already ahead of the curve. Why do you necessarily think you have to start out working 40 hours instead of just continuing part-time? If you don't feel able, need a bit of time to work up to longer hours, that's okay!

I use to do that all the time, especially with school. I'd look ahead in the books/syllabus and wonder how I was going to do something I hadn't been taught yet :-) Each day is incremental, you make it through this days' tasks and do as well as you can and that doesn't seem to be much but it actually is teaching you things and building your strength (like weight lifting? you don't start by lifting 350 pound weights? You life 5 pound ones!). Look what you are doing now, you are working and going to school. You ARE working 8 hours on Saturday, sure it's hard, why shouldn't it be???? It's hard for everyone to do new things and for that long, etc. Look at the children crying when they're 6 and it's the first day of school? New things are challenging, hard, scary for most of us. Lots of stimulus we aren't use to.

That's great you like this job. Remember that and what you like about it. Build anxiety breakers from that; approach your favorite co-workers and just practice smiling/chatting for 2 seconds with them or complaining a bit, commiserating on long days or trying to go to school and work, etc. Listen to what their combination problems are (mother's with kids to take care of and work? People working two or three jobs to make ends meet?) and get some practice interacting so it isn't so hard/nerve wracking and you get use to it/the other people so your mind doesn't do the paranoid overload drill? The more you interact, the easier it becomes/less paranoid you will be because your imagination will "know" the situations better.

Youre right i do get ahead of myself with worry and your tips do seem helpful! Unfortunately (or fortunately) I decided to quit. Im going in tomorrow to put my two weeks notice in, but that seems too long. i dont know if i can even make it, maybe i'll make them feel bad for me and theyll just let me go. I feel like i can't do it at all im so anxious all the time because of work.