[rukspc]

Today I was offered a position for a teaching fellowship/grad program in Washington DC. I was excited about the program during the first two rounds of interviews but today when I found out I'd been accepted, I didn't feel much excitement as I'd imagined. I felt.. empty actually. The program pays about 75% of my tuition and by the time I finish the program I will already be a full time salaried teacher. Of course, money matters but the experience does too. And I won't get this chance again. I guess I'm wondering if I'm making the right decision and thinking about the financial costs.

My question is whether or not I should take this chance and accept the offer despite the expenses?

[CANDC]

how much will you have to pay out of pocket?
Does your field command large salaries to justify that?
What are your other options?

I would do a cost benefits analysis or talk to someone at another university about how good a deal that is.

[hvert]

CANDC asks some good questions. What are the expenses?

I find that when I am really looking forward to something but not sure it will happen, I'm super excited. When I find out it is going to happen for real, I all of a sudden start to get cold feet and think of the downside.

[rukspc]

Originally Posted by CANDC

how much will you have to pay out of pocket?
Does your field command large salaries to justify that?
What are your other options?

I would do a cost benefits analysis or talk to someone at another university about how good a deal that is.

It's a four - year commitment. First year is the residency and I'll be attending school full time plus I'll receive a benefits package including a stipend, health insurance, room and board, and $ for books for that whole time. The second year I'll be salaried and will finish up my Master's degree. Third and fourth year I'll be salaried and full time as well. The degree is an area of education I've been looking at for a while.

[hvert]

That sounds like an awesome deal, if your only cost is 25% tuition and you will have enough to cover living expenses.

[Little Lulu]

I agree with hvert - that sounds like a very sweet package. Maybe your ambivalence has to do with some anxiety/fear? If so, that is understandable. Even changes that look awesome can be scary.

[Little Lulu]

I agree with hvert - that sounds like a very sweet package. Maybe your ambivalence has to do with some anxiety/fear? If so, that is understandable. Even changes that look awesome can feel scary.

[CosmicRose]

Of course you should take the position. You didn't list any reasons NOT to take the position. You just listed a bunch of awesome reasons why this is a great opportunity for you. Empty inside? Yeah you and 99% of the other people with a job

[kim_johnson]

It does sound pretty good. It is really hard to find a good job these days. So very hard to get your foot in the door in the first place. Apprenticeships... Etc... This sounds great.

I wonder why you are feeling cold feet now after so much excitement before?

I am reminded of this quote from a book... I can't remember the exact words... The book is "The End of the Road' By John Barth. The idea of the quote is that the main character (Jacob Horner - little jack horner...) gets episodic paralysis. He gets paralysis because while one thing can emerge as the best option... The opportunity cost of all the other options... While individually not as good.... All sum up... So that they are weightier than the individually best option. And so... He has no reason to pursue any of the options individually. So he does... Nothing.

(I did not explain that well, I hope you get the idea)

I feel like that a lot about life sometimes. Like... I'm not so motivated or inspired to be doing what I'm doing... There are so very many other cool things. TV doesn't help. Bull crap job descriptions of jobs that don't exist. People who get to be lab technician and doctor and spy and burglar and police officer and computer analyst with unnecessarily visual data output... But it gets me hankering for some other... Some better... Job.

Maybe it is a bit like feeling cold feet just before getting married... The thought that this is it. For reals. This is where one will be into the future indefinitely...

Or... What? What do you think?

[rukspc]

Thanks everyone. I'm only 25 yet I'm questioning so many things. I'm excited for the new phase but scared too. I think what I am mostly scared of is the change.. I am already imagining some loneliness even though I know a handful of people who live there, and making new friends will be different too since I haven't gone anywhere in about five years. I do suffer from depression and anxiety as well but my therapist and I have been working together so that when I do experience episodes, I will know what to pull from 'toolbox' to help me get through those tough moments. Plus, I will be busy enough with full-time graduate courses and student teaching that I probably won't experience loneliness at all - just stress.

Occassionally, I do wonder if I am making the right decision. Am I ready for this next chapter? Am I going in the right direction? Each person I've told has expressed nothing but excitement and pride for my accomplishment. It is a lot like having cold feet, Kim_Johnson. I am ready but I keep feeling this pull that wants me to stay put and just pursue opportunities here. My good friend once told me that "change is necessary for growth" and that I will grow so much as a person once I take that chance.

The overall package is a pretty great deal. It's not every day that people find an opportunity like this and get accepted so I am very lucky.

[kim_johnson]

You sound like a baby bird that needs a little bit of a nudge ;-)

[rukspc]

I want to inform everyone that I'm no longer a candidate and will no longer be moving. I couldn't pass the Praxis math exam 😕 after three attempts, I just couldn't pass that portion. I did all I could to study and prepare. It sucks.. To be honest. It really does because I worked so hard and I'm only a month and a half away from moving!! Maybe im just not meant to go. But now I have to look to my other options I had planned.

[hvert]

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. It's crummy how we are wired so that we don't really want something unless we can't have it.

Have you tried to talk your way out of that requirement? It's a long shot, but sometimes it works. Test anxiety, especially around math, is kind of common. Maybe you could demonstrate math competence some other way, by preparing a brief video lesson or something? Or using passing coursework? Offering to take a course?

[rukspc]

Originally Posted by hvert

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. It's crummy how we are wired so that we don't really want something unless we can't have it.

Have you tried to talk your way out of that requirement? It's a long shot, but sometimes it works. Test anxiety, especially around math, is kind of common. Maybe you could demonstrate math competence some other way, by preparing a brief video lesson or something? Or using passing coursework? Offering to take a course?

Unfortunately, there are absolutely no exceptions. We either pass or don't. I'm just so disappointed in myself. I worked so hard to prepare for everything from the interviews to studying over 8 months and if I want to try again, which I won't, I'd have to wait until September to re-apply.

I applied for another Master's program here in the city so we'll see how that goes.

[hvert]

That really does suck. I hope the other program works out for you!