Low self esteem affects my job

I have always had low self esteem issues. It got worse after living with an abusive man who was always threatening to kill me.

I work as an IT Project Manager for an insurance company. I lead different projects where we either create new systems or add enhancements to existing systems due to new business or changes in the health industry.

I work from home leading calls all day and are given dates by when the changes need to be done. The timelines are usually too short so it is a very stressful job.

I am always fearful of failing and wish I could be as good as many of the other Project Managers. In my mind I never measure up.

I believe this thinking is getting in the way of being more successful or happy with my job.

These feelings are so ingrained in me that I don't know if I will ever be able to believe in myself.

Have you searched for a life coach, specific to your industry?

I wonder if you could find some sort of hobby, like baking or something like that where you can spend a couple of hours making something small, over and over and over again. I find stuff like that helps to build self-esteem. I can look at the jelly I made and think, *I* made that and it was *good.* If I make something that's not so good, I can toss it and forget about it.

I am also in IT and have similar feelings about my competence. It's hard to get over them. I think part of it is the nature of the job itself. Have you been in the field long? I felt like it reached a fever pitch at one point and I can no longer do certain kinds of work.

I have been in IT since 1999 and a project manager for about 5-6 years. I am really more of an introvert, so leading the teams can be difficult at times for me. I really need the paycheck. I will turn 58 this month so want to hang onto this job as long as I can. It may come to a point when it will just be too much stress for me.

You must have completed jobs thus far successfully, right? Each time you complete a job, that's a huge reminder that you are great at your job and more than capable of finishing any project.