[DemonDaze]

Hi there,

I'm new to the forum, and because I'm finding work almost intolerable at the moment I thought I'd come here for some support. I have BPD and although I'm not actively in crisis at the moment in terms of panic attacks and impulsiveness, I am regularly having suicidal thoughts (none of which I'm close to acting upon) and am just so tired and feel like I'm running out of steam with life in general. It would just be nice to have a space to talk about it while I'm at work.

Thanks.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry work is so difficult for you right now. Have you sought counseling or a pdoc, considering you are have suicidal thoughts, even though you are planning on acting on them? It would be good to have one or both of these as an outlet. I don't know what i would do without my therapist to bounce things off of.

Maybe try some relaxation techniques would be helpful, such as deep breathing exercises or meditation.

We are glad to have you here in the forums and encourage you to keep posting your concerns. Soon you will start to get to know people and make friends who have the same issues.

I hope you find it as helpful here as I have.

[pegasus]

Hello DemonDaze, how are things going?

[imadeitanotherday]

I feel the exact same way. i work at a hospital as a nurse intern and find myself calling in even when i am not sick just because i find the thought of going in another day unbearable sometimes.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Bad business if work is not bearable, seeing as we spend so much time at it. What do you mean by It would just be nice to have a space to talk about it while I'm at work?

[Chango]

Being at a job that you are unhappy with, and also being at a job while you are unhappy is indeed not good for the mind and soul. Before you go and leave this job for another one, coping skills to reach some level of peace and acceptance at the location you are at, if a transfer or lateral move is not possible. It is very difficult, however, I KNOW you can do it. We all can with each other's support.

[tenderheart1974]

I agree 100% Demon Daze. Every morning it is a huge struggle for me thinking about going to work. Then when I get there faking being happy and like my life is perfectly normal when my personal life is falling apart is incredibly difficult. Then there are co-workers who disgust me with their attitudes and behavior. Being forced to go to work everyday to survive and still not making enough money to make ends meet is my main source of MAJOR depression. The only thing that has helped me keep my sanity lately is my re-newed faith, buddhism and my spirituality and praying to God every morning to help me get through the day.

[CosmicRose]

I can relate to this a lot. Its a major struggle of mine as well. I think 100% of my anxiety is work related. If I didn't have to work and was rich, I would have 0 anxiety. Its always been like this, even in school (which is the childhood version of work). We are basically being paid to be trained monkeys at our jobs, and its an all-or-nothing situation (survival). This would encourage anxiety in any rational person.

[chimera17]

I completely get this. The battle between going to work to make the money to pay the bills and provide for my kids and give them experiences and opportunities balanced with having the time to actually DO things with them, and spend time with them in a relaxed way without always feeling stressed out and rushing around and having work hanging over my head...

[mcl6136]

I am also struggling just to make it in here. My job is so toxic right now, but I know that I am not alone, and that helps. The New York Times, for G(*&s sake had an article entitled, The Toxic Workplace. The focus was about how women with kids were edged out of competitive workplaces but for my part (no children), it is equally insane in my job in the non-profit sector. The new bosses are more unreasonable than the old ones and it's a challenge to simply arrive here.

I am really just taking one single day at a time --even trying to pace myself until ...LUNCH and then again until the time that I can credibly leave. I refuse to do any more than a "good" job at something that used to make my soul sing.

Work hangs over my head unless I make a sincere, conscious effort to do something that is so distracting that I CANNOT obsess over my job and how poisonous it has become.

Sorry for the rant....No questions or insights here, just glad I have somewhere to safely share.