[AngstyLady]

So I started back at my old job this week part time-
I'm doing mostly ok0 though things are a bit weird- I'm definitely not a social butterfly like I used to be back when I used to smoke weed and consume an ungodly amount of energy drinks on a regular basis- and it shows.
I'm really a more mild mannered, quiet and thoughtful person and I can tell people don't know what to make of me. I knew this wasn't the best idea- I should not try to get another day- I guess it's okay, I just felt a it of anxiety creeping up today-Maybe because I was a bit sleep deprived I don't know- it's hard when I can't drink caffeine anymore (health issue). It's good money- I'm sure I'll be fine, just a bit of nerves I guess- I'm like right on the front line right out there dealing with the public everyday, is it weird that I feel more comfortable with either my main coworkers and strangers? I think that's a side effect from my other job- you often see people once and never again at that place- it's such a tourist trap of a place.-
I wish I was at least taking a class already- (I originally agreed to go back to work there for more money as part of a plan for when I eventually started classes next fall for my MA but have to first raise my GPA before I'll even be admitted and so it will probably be another year until then). I feel like I have to continue this image of me being this social butterfly hat I never was because then otherwise it's like I'm fake- I wasn't fake ( say that because I think there's regular customers I don't quite remember and treated them like it was the first I saw them, but I can't help that I guess), I was just a different person before with all my addictions and I feel it's hard to be the same person and so now I'm not this bubbling ball of energy that always has something to say like I used to - I used to always have something to say and try to be everyone's friend- I think I was probably obnoxious to some degree- maybe it's a good thing I'm more calmed down and back to my true self again (after over a decade of not being as much, I did a lot of soul searching). I need to just stop overthinking things and just be who I am (truly am) and people will either be okay with me or they wont. Whatever.

[Jan1212]

Same. I feel so out of it- I feel so unmotivated. Like I have a flat affect my face has no expression. I feel like I look anxious, or tired or bored, or pissed off. If you ask me what characteristics I have, I wouldn't know.

I want to be confident, social, silly, bubbly, talkative and relaxed at the same time. :-( I hope this passes soon

[AngstyLady]

Yeah, I think part of it's because I'm not really happy about life in general- I'm also thinking this morning how I let my anxiety get the best of me when I was away from the job- I straight up avoided going out in my neighborhood (or anywhere really if I could)- so silly - thinking of how I ran into a friendly customer around the holidays by work saying how she baked brownies or something for us- I had thought of bringing in goodies for my (former) coworkers but didn't - part of the problem is the usual lack of confidence I have. Now I have confidence but still feel like a bad person for my past actions/lack thereof. They say actions speak louder than words- I've always adhered to that and so now I see my lack of action makes me an asshole- like even now I was thinking of going there to get groceries before leaving to work at my other job and now I'm having overwhelming anxiety and feel like I can't- it's so stupid I was doing so well for over a week and then starting last night it's like my anxiety is creeping back-

[AngstyLady]

I'm feeling better- not having anxiety- though I do feel weird being back- like I shouldn't be there or something- or at least that's how I feel sometimes around people- it can be very surreal- of course I'm usually distracted by all the thoughts I have about life and the future and where I'm going- trying to live in the present more. I'm going to try and live just day to day and try not to overthink things.