[alieninshadows]

I have been at my job for a few years now and, for the most part, is going good. There are a lot of people above me (supervisors, team leaders, managers). Despite there are a lot of people, there is much diversity and acceptance.
However, my team leader is always talking to us like she's a host character on Barney and Friends or some other cheesy kids show, and we are the kindergartners. She is like this with everyone, but for me, personally, she looks at me like I'm some sort of unhinged, emotionally unbalanced psychopath. I'm not a psychopath, for one. And 2, I'm expressive, but not nearly as expressive as my mom. I often talk with my hands and I put emotion and emphasis in my voice when alerting someone of an issue. Apparently, this is frowned upon. My team leader constantly tells me to calm down. She will drop her head down with her eyes staying focused on me and give me this look that screams "NO. Calm down." She's not a battle ax, in fact she, along with other team leaders, likes to get overly curious about your personal life. This creates a false sense of "family" and you feel like they care about what you're saying. But in reality, they are collecting info to use against you later. My team leader will always try to play psychologist with me. Always trying to say that she's just like me. She's not even listening. I've told her numerous times that I have dyslexia and it causes some delays in my work because I have to make double takes on number sequences and reread sentences. Sometimes, I will outright make a mistake. She comes down hard on me for it and acts as though I'm telling her off my dyslexia for the first time. She's like this with others. There is a lady on the same team as me who is known to have some hearing impairment. She has to sit close to the T.L. during meetings and speaks loudly but politely when on the phone. One time, I was sitting close to my T.L.'s desk and I couldn't help but over hear my T.L. reviewing a form with this had of hearing lady and making a stink of how much she delays answering people on the phone. The lady had to remind her that she is hearing impaired. My T.L. just pipes "But it's excessive." She just always has some answer and needs to have the last word and be right.
It really bothers me how she looks at me. She makes me feel mentally unstable when I'm not. I've tried to talk to her in private and be open to her. I don't want to spill all the beans to her, since she is not my doctor. I just want her off my back. She is always trying to improve me and once told me that I need to change my whole character, my whole personality. No one can just do that. This isn't a dream job or something I'm even passionate about. It's just a job to pay the bills. But this T.L., she is so invested in the company, she is practically yes-person there and expects everyone to be the same way.
I think I just need a new job. But until then, what can I do? Anyone else have employers who think your too emotional/expressive?

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by alieninshadows

I have been at my job for a few years now and, for the most part, is going good. There are a lot of people above me (supervisors, team leaders, managers). Despite there are a lot of people, there is much diversity and acceptance.
However, my team leader is always talking to us like she's a host character on Barney and Friends or some other cheesy kids show, and we are the kindergartners. She is like this with everyone, but for me, personally, she looks at me like I'm some sort of unhinged, emotionally unbalanced psychopath. I'm not a psychopath, for one. And 2, I'm expressive, but not nearly as expressive as my mom. I often talk with my hands and I put emotion and emphasis in my voice when alerting someone of an issue. Apparently, this is frowned upon. My team leader constantly tells me to calm down. She will drop her head down with her eyes staying focused on me and give me this look that screams "NO. Calm down." She's not a battle ax, in fact she, along with other team leaders, likes to get overly curious about your personal life. This creates a false sense of "family" and you feel like they care about what you're saying. But in reality, they are collecting info to use against you later. My team leader will always try to play psychologist with me. Always trying to say that she's just like me. She's not even listening. I've told her numerous times that I have dyslexia and it causes some delays in my work because I have to make double takes on number sequences and reread sentences. Sometimes, I will outright make a mistake. She comes down hard on me for it and acts as though I'm telling her off my dyslexia for the first time. She's like this with others. There is a lady on the same team as me who is known to have some hearing impairment. She has to sit close to the T.L. during meetings and speaks loudly but politely when on the phone. One time, I was sitting close to my T.L.'s desk and I couldn't help but over hear my T.L. reviewing a form with this had of hearing lady and making a stink of how much she delays answering people on the phone. The lady had to remind her that she is hearing impaired. My T.L. just pipes "But it's excessive." She just always has some answer and needs to have the last word and be right.
It really bothers me how she looks at me. She makes me feel mentally unstable when I'm not. I've tried to talk to her in private and be open to her. I don't want to spill all the beans to her, since she is not my doctor. I just want her off my back. She is always trying to improve me and once told me that I need to change my whole character, my whole personality. No one can just do that. This isn't a dream job or something I'm even passionate about. It's just a job to pay the bills. But this T.L., she is so invested in the company, she is practically yes-person there and expects everyone to be the same way.
I think I just need a new job. But until then, what can I do? Anyone else have employers who think your too emotional/expressive?

I have this issue in my current situation and it was one of the deal-breakers. I'm in communications department and our Executive is a very locked-down controlling and repressed person. She has a tight smile with no eye involvement, and very little expression. She wears trench coats with wide belts, which she cinches tighter and tighter as the day goes on and wears high boots, which she clunks around in -- the whole look is Waffen SS.

She and I have completely different world views, talents and outlooks. She is my personal opposite and day-long nightmare.

I'm leaving. But in the meantime, I had to find ways to build emotional protection structures around me. I would prepare for EACH discussion with her, and find ways of self-calming before and after our interactions. In the end, I had to do some short-term psych medications to get through the day.

Before she arrived, I was searching for a job, and after it became clear that she was Large and In Charge, I stepped up my search. I'm now moving on to another job opportunity that is better pay, better benefits, a better commute.

There are only three options for anyone in this situation, in my view. You can stay and fight, stay and "fit" or ....leave.

The organizational culture no longer suited me, and I am leaving. It took work and diligence and a lot of extra hours in order to find a new job. But this doesn't sound like a good match for you at all.

I wish you the best. More than anything else, please don't give away your expressiveness in order to make others feel more "comfortable."

[alieninshadows]

I try to look for other work. My qualifications are limited, I think. Ideally I should be working somewhere where I don't have to put up with verbally abusive customers but that seems to be the only places that quickly hire you. Go figure.
But these jobs that put me out of my comfort zone have helped me become stronger and more outgoing. I try to focus on the compliments and nice people I do interact with. Coworkers? Well these are meddling people that have nothing better to do than watch you and listen to you like a hawk, and I'm not talking about supervisors. Just regular coworkers in the same position I am. There was one time where I was particularly energetic and, even though I was speaking in an upbeat tone, I was talking with my hands. This one guy was like, "What's up with you? Were you getting mad with someone?" Some people will just go to the supervisors and make unfounded complaints on me. I think there is just too many people we have to work around (90 or more in one place.).

More recently, the day before, one of supervisors suddenly starts complaining about my speed when I talk. I've always sort of had a faster pace in speaking than some people, but not so fast that it's super noticeable. I've been using the same pace I always had while working here and all of a sudden it's considered unprofessional. This is after I've been really picking up my scores and I think there is a conspiracy to keep my talents and true skills from being noticed. Either way, it puts a lot of strain on me and makes me think that this is another one of those traits I have that this supervisor wants to change in me. Gawd, she reminds me of a cult leader.