[Olanza-what?]

I had an aneurysm in 2011. Initially I was fine for the first few months after surgical clipping. I have been struggling cognitive, mentally and physically. I have simple partial seizure/complex, I have a thoracic aneurysm and aortic valve regurgitation and other heart issues. I have been diagnosed as bipolar/schizoeffective. I am at the end of my hope and have considered hanging myself. I'm tired and can't get help. I work part-time and yes earn above $1090. I want to reduce hour and feel that it would help tremendously but can't afford to walk away from financial obligations. I am/have run out of what to do. I attempted to file for SSD under the advise of my Cardiologist and therapist. I tried filing but was denied before I could even submit an application. I'm tired, my production/performance at work is declining daily. I can't do this anymore. I have told my employer that I need help getting work load done. I can't focus and when I try I still make major mistakes. I'm tired and I need help. My husband help make up the difference for my bills since working part-time. I'm killing him, he works overtime just to make ends meet. What else am I suppose to do. I don't want to die trying. I want to rest. I want to get better, but I can't. Suicide seems to be my only means of getting rest... I have no choices. I've worked so very hard all my life. They've taken my money faithfully. The reassurance of getting help sustained my future, they have burried me allive. I'm tired, and I need rest.

This and other issues, like health, is seriously affecting my ability to function. My personality and behavior is affecting every relationship I have, work, home and social. I am being compliant as best as I can. It's not taking its toll, it has taken its toll. I don't know where I stand and have nothing to stand on any more.

I didn't know where to post this.

[gayleggg]

I'm so sorry you are having such a bad time.

I would file for disability again. Sometimes it takes several rejections before you get approved.


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[green0cake]

I'm sorry Olanza on what's happening to you. I don't have any advice for you but I know prayers can help.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by Olanza-what?

I had an aneurysm in 2011. Initially I was fine for the first few months after surgical clipping. I have been struggling cognitive, mentally and physically. I have simple partial seizure/complex, I have a thoracic aneurysm and aortic valve regurgitation and other heart issues. I have been diagnosed as bipolar/schizoeffective. I am at the end of my hope and have considered hanging myself. I'm tired and can't get help. I work part-time and yes earn above $1090. I want to reduce hour and feel that it would help tremendously but can't afford to walk away from financial obligations. I am/have run out of what to do. I attempted to file for SSD under the advise of my Cardiologist and therapist. I tried filing but was denied before I could even submit an application. I'm tired, my production/performance at work is declining daily. I can't do this anymore. I have told my employer that I need help getting work load done. I can't focus and when I try I still make major mistakes. I'm tired and I need help. My husband help make up the difference for my bills since working part-time. I'm killing him, he works overtime just to make ends meet. What else am I suppose to do. I don't want to die trying. I want to rest. I want to get better, but I can't. Suicide seems to be my only means of getting rest... I have no choices. I've worked so very hard all my life. They've taken my money faithfully. The reassurance of getting help sustained my future, they have burried me allive. I'm tired, and I need rest.

This and other issues, like health, is seriously affecting my ability to function. My personality and behavior is affecting every relationship I have, work, home and social. I am being compliant as best as I can. It's not taking its toll, it has taken its toll. I don't know where I stand and have nothing to stand on any more.

I didn't know where to post this.

I am so sorry, friend. Our lives are not so very different. I too, have worked all my life, only to become seriously disabled and am now approaching three years awaiting disability. My neurologist advises soft foods, oxygen and mobility assistance - either a cane or walker, and assures me that any physical exertion can be the end. But there are no options without SSDI and so I work, feeling my life slip away daily.

Because working any job is proof to disability that you can work, I am working off the grid in a physically demanding job so that my wife and I can live in their barn. I understand the toll you speak of, the need for rest and healing. Let's not give up together; I would miss you if you were gone.

Please apply for disability again. Everyone is denied the first time - and again the second time. Social security discovered that when they deny everyone all the way to the hearing stage, that seventeen percent die before they ever get a chance to collect. So appeal, appeal, appeal. Your conditions are serious, you will get it, but you must find a way to find the strength to do the leg work. If I can help in any way, I will.

[Olanza-what?]

I am so sorry, friend. Our lives are not so very different. I too, have worked all my life, only to become seriously disabled and am now approaching three years awaiting disability. My neurologist advises soft foods, oxygen and mobility assistance - either a cane or walker, and assures me that any physical exertion can be the end. But there are no options without SSDI and so I work, feeling my life slip away daily.

Your comments mean a lot and gave me some hope, thank you for this.

It saddens me that you have to go through all that you are going through. It's so not fair. You, I and others like us should not have to perform circus acts to get what we are rightfully entitled to. They pretty much told me that I needed to be terminal before they would even consider disability for me. Isn't heart failure and vascular disease terminal? I replied I will have my husband send them a copy of the death certificate if they so wished. I oh so secretely wished that they would have found another aneurysm waiting to explode the other day. No more worries.

I am sorry to hear all that you are enduring. You are a strong individual and I hope and pray that soon and very soon you get your disability. I assume you are taking care of yourself as best you can, but please take extra percaution if exertion can be the end.

I don't understand at all. Why would they do this? Why must we be at our last hope, why destutue before getting the help we need?

I'm trying as best as I know how but is clearly apparent that I have no other choices? It's like when I kept telling doctors something was wrong with me and they replied it's all in my head and that they found nothing wrong, then bam! six months later, KA_BOOM! went my head....well, they were wrong.

On a lighter note, shouldn't you be posting the next chapter .
A guestion for Daniel; when should we fight and when should we walk away?