Working towards being able to work

Very long story short, or at least abridged: I am currently an 80% disabled vet living solely on the disability payments and plasma donations. I haven't worked since December 2009 when my mental health fell off a cliff. I do have a graduate degree and apply for work, although I haven't gotten a phone screen in over two years. I live in a moderate sized town and have pretty much applied to every tech company in the area multiple times. When I did get an interview, they are all day affairs, it was really hard not to show my mental illness and inability to focus all day and no matter that I always answered their questions correctly and got along well with the team interviewing me, I never got an offer. I even applied for jobs like pushing carts at the local grocery store and get shot down. If I put down my education they say I am way overqualified to push carts, or if I don't, I have a long gap of unemployment to explain which results in rejection.

I am currently under review by the VA to determine if I am unemployable or not. The examiner agreed I am so hopefully I get that because it is a massive increase in payments and benefits. The downside is that I can't do "substantial and gainful work activity" without losing that increase even if I get canned because of my issues. Its crazy, I could get that, win the lottery and still keep the pay and benefits. I don't think winning the lottery is a solid plan though.

The thing is I want to be working, very badly, especially in my field. If it weren't for the fact that I suck I would be making high 5 figure or low 6 right now instead of being in a place where I have to donate plasma just to eat.

Oddly, there are no restrictions on volunteer work and I will be making enough money to forgo the plasma donations and could volunteer as a way to try to be able to get to the point where I could put in a good 40 hours.

Okay, that was way too long. Sorry about that. My question is: how do I even start working towards being able to hold down a volunteer position? I could ask my pdoc, but I get 20 minutes every three months and I really have no idea how to even begin to prepare. I do personal projects in my field, but if I can get 2 good hours in a day where I can think clearly, focus and make progress, that is a very good day for me. So I do have something to measure my "workability" against.

Right now, I couldn't tell an organization that I could be there and do X for Y hours on Z days.

As much as it stresses me out, I think it would good overall to get out of my house, be around people and contribute something positive. I feel like an idiot asking this but I really don't know where or how to begin. My meds sort of work and after 20+ years in the VA mental health system there are few meds I haven't tried. So if I am going to do this it is with semi-uncontrolled mental issues listed in my sig.

Should I even try? Maybe I have been overrun with irrational confidence in thinking I could even hold a part time volunteer position and I just wasted your time.

I definitely think you can volunteer. There's a lot of stuff in my area where you don't have to commit in advance, like workdays in the park every other Saturday, where anyone can show up on that day.

I volunteer at a public garden which is a really great set up for me - I can go weed or take care of it anytime I want, but I do have to tend to it at least once every two weeks.

What is your field? Could you take on a small volunteer project, to be completed at your leisure, for a non-profit you like/get along with?

Well you could commit some minor misdemeanor and with luck avoid prison or a fine and get community service. A policeman can advise I am sure: https://www.gov.uk/community-sentences/overview

Just kidding. Perhaps your town has volunteer drop in centre: What is volunteering? | Volunteer Bristol (If not perhaps you could start one - with luck others can take over the running and you can provide IT serices). Just a thought.

I will have to look around and see what is available. I don't think I am ready right now but am aiming for a few hours by June.

My field is computer science and in school I focused on software engineering and network security. My personal projects are web and desktop apps along with security auditing tools. I did actually find a position in 2009 where I was an independent contractor and had no set work hours and no due date. The pay definitely reflected that, and that type of job is extremely rare. Even part-time work is rare unless a person is a student and the job is an internship.

Starting a volunteer center is an interesting idea. I would really have to work on my poor social skills.

Would you consider putting yourself out there to nonprofits as someone who can give them technical advice on an ad hoc basis?

I have considered that, it is the reaching out part I struggle with. That is certainly worth striving for and doing. Thanks.

I did ask my pdoc for a place to start. He said "working is a good goal to have".

Yeah, thanks.