Hiding mental illness at work

I'm having a panic attac or passing through. Thankfully all happened outside of work (bus stations or in my swimming class) but I'm afraid of having it at work, either of them, because I only a temp of my teaching job is so unestable that we needed to sing a "resign" letter before being allowed to enter.

How do you fake it?

Well, I didn't hide my mental illness at school, actually I was too open about it, which I regret very much because my not very understanding peers used to refer me as crazy. But then it was mostly about anxiety, panic disorder and anger, now I see my difficulties from a different angle. When it comes to work, it's actually difficult hiding this stuff, because I have a sluggish cognitive tempo, my voice tone is inadequate sometimes, i often got very frustrated and angry (verbally, not to some heavy degree, but still, however I would mostly just get terribly silent when frustrated, I was only rude once to my co worker in the previous job) and I would sometimes touch topics that are too private with other people, like my boss or talk too much. My anxiety is very much visible. I never mentioned a mental illness, just talked about my bullying experience once with a co worker (I also had a trouble discussing love and sex life with her - well, we got pretty close at some point so she was telling me everything about hers, but I had too much lesbian experiences and didn't want to mention that, so I was very superficial about this) and instead of talking about mental disorders, I would explain some things by talking about my physical health issues (like, i dunno, i shake or mumble because I'm close to being diabetic). I'm a good listener so that problably "saved" me when it came to relations with my co worker, but I know that other people see me as rude and condenscending in general. I'm also constantly worried that they see me as crazy. I did a terrible mistake of talking about the secret of the company (not company exactly, just a few local shops) in which I was previously working to their opponents on a job interview (I never think while speaking, just go with the flow, it's so scary, that's why I'm a terrible liar) and we live in a small town, this lady could easily know my boss and she probably did, I was so angry at myself about it and got paranoid that she told him and the girl I was working with, so now I avoid contacting her.

Well you fake it by just putting on a happy face and going with everything. It's really hard and tiring to do this because it's bad for us as well to keep everything inside. I know when I get home from work everyday I am just exhausted from hiding not just my mental illness but in a way who I truly am. I don't know of that's weird or not, but it's true.

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I just thought/remembered something. Your response triggered something.
I worked at a job once, where I had been granted FMLA. I used it for days when I was just too mentally exhausted to go in to work. I was allowed a couple days a month, but I used them sparingly. So...with that being said, I opened my "vault", so to say. I had a bit of a breakdown

I sought out help, checked myself into the nearby psych ward and let work know I would be out a couple of days as i was in the hospital. I notified both HR and FMLA. After leaving the hospital with a referral to a nearby IOP. I got myself to the place, had my assessment done, and was to begin treatment. A couple of days passed, I resumed work. I was due on an airplane to a business meeting that was taking place the following day in another city. I drank quite a bit at the airport. I blacked out and did not make it to the meeting. I called work the following day and asked to set up meeting with HR and my manager, I felt crappy about everything and thought I should tell them the truth. I went to the meeting and was basically fired on the spot. I'm in no way saying that drinking on the way to a meeting was the right thing to do. Maybe I should've just told them I got sick at the airport. I lost my insurance benefits and was unable to proceed with treatment. I don't know if they should've been more understanding of mental disorders and alcoholism. I never brought this up to anyone. I feel like I was wronged...but, maybe that's just my self-righteousness speaking...who knows.

I try my best to hide it for the most part, but my moods swing like crazy and I often come into work looking like death, so I know people must wonder about me.
I've confided in one co-worker about my issues, and last time I was in the hospital (at my old job) I told them it was for depression. Three of my coworkers visited me in the psych ward.
My new work people, other than the one lady, don't know about my past so I usually just stay quiet, don't reveal much about myself, and wear long sleeves all the time to hide my scars.
It's pretty lonely actually, since I'm always hiding myself.

I try really hard to be active and smiling and just seems like i don`t have a care in the world.I take some pills that help me relax before going to work,but if it`s too much,sometimes i go to the bathroom abd break down for a couple of minutes-then i go back to work with a smile

Lol, Punpun, I do the bathroom break thing too. I go to a bathroom on the far side of the building and spend like 30 minutes there just letting my brain take a break from having to be around people.

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