[dwr3]

I'm surprised I found such a good offer in my town, where getting any job is a miracle. My last job lasted for a year and I was fired only due to financial cuts. I mean, this job was offered to me through this special government programme and they always change workers after like 9-10 months so it's all free for the employer. I was working in a local shop with cheap household articles. It was a big store which I often had to run only by myself. Yet I must say I find working with many clients extremely overwhelming, especially that I had some extreme cases of rudeness and intrusiveness and little pseudogangsters who were coming only to steal. Also, I have severe anxiety issues and NLD/ADHD symptoms that caused me to make a lot of careless mistakes and being an extreme slow learner (I never stopped making them, they were just sometimes less ocurring), I was once threatened to be fired by my co-worker and even had nightmares about me being kicked out. I was considered "too slow" like with everything. I was constantly worried that I didn't close the doors properly or forgot to do something (sometimes happened). I wasn't always kind and nice because I found too much stressors there. I generally hate working as a sales assistant, but for now I cannot do anything else and no shop is the same, some are better than others to work at. I finished this particular job in February, which was straight after I had terrible bad PTSD triggering situation so I was even more stressed afterwards.

Then I tried working at a supermarket, 9-10 hours everyday with no occassion to sit and only 15 minute break, I wasn't the right person for this job, because I was working as a stockman and I'm a 54 kg woman with no strenght and adrenal and thyroid disease. Carried too much stock. The work was neverending, there were people screaming at me to get the hell faster etc. I quit after 4 days.

I don't believe I'm a good worker in sales, but currently I have no other option. My fear of illness such as psychosis or schizophrenia is so great it's a trouble for me even when I'm sitting at home. I also have an actual illness and I'm generally very anxious about this stuff. My mind is restless.

After that I had a few job interviews but they had chosen someone else. One was very feral because I went to this shop that was very much like the one I was previously working at and the woman pretended she didn't know my boss and the shop and wanted to get to know everything and I told her something I then found out I shouldn't. I was angry with myself. I talk a lot of unnecessary stuff and I'm very impulsive about it and then feel people see me as crazy.

As I've run out of savings, I had to keep on looking. Yesterday I've sent my CV to this fashion outlet, it's a part time job. It's much better than working in a supermarket. I received a call and I'm supposed to go there tomorrow morning and have an interview and they will teach me everything and have a trial because they need someone ASAP. I hate when I have to show my skills because I'm so clumsy when someone's watching me! And so slow. I'm always stressed with people, I never stopped getting worried and anxious even talking to my previous boss who was almost my age and we were more like friends.

I've lost contact with my friends lately and was even shunned by one person and my self-esteem is now almost non existent. I feel really hated but it's a warranted paranoia due to some situations. I live in a total isolation. My schiz fear is driving me crazy. I also have an upcoming MR and neurologist evaluation and that stresses me as hell.

I'm so stressed with going there! It's hard to apply for a job when you think you're bad at it but have no other choice for now.

I don't know if I should mention that I need to sit from time to time bc of my adrenal glands and thyroid not working properly, so that standing for a longer period of time is difficult for me, so it won't be that I'm lazy.

[Skeezyks]

Hello dwr3: The Skeezyks sends his best wishes...

[dwr3]

I had a trial and then talked with this gruff lady boss. She wanted a person who's gonna do a ***** load of work, like changing whole exposition every day by herself (you'd be the only person running the shop), doing promotions and never would sit, and constantly exchange the stock for another supply, working for 12-13 a day (actually, until you're finished). And all of that for junk contract and payment under minimum, really low. I had more money, when I was standing in the street, giving people leaflets on shop promotion and had zero experience. She wanted to run a shop like Zara or H&M with only one person working in it. I told her I think the number of duties and job to do doesn't equal the payment and her expectations are too high, then that I need to reconsider this and she agreed but then gave me a call and said she cannot afford time wasted on waiting, so I can go.

I almost got angry when she said "You see, I have a baby and I want someone to be totally in charge, knowing what to do, being creative and I cannot waste my time on checking in and helping". The girl who was working there prev quit after a month and the one who was working there never got a proper agreement and was doing undeclared work for two years (black economy, so popular in my country). When I asked her, why, she told me she won't fire people legally, because she doesn't want her workers to take sick leave.

I almost hated her right away, I can't stand people who run their business that way, expecting people to work like crazy and give nothing in return.

[winter4me]

so sorry........