[winter4me]

I haven't done a lot of work these past few months, couple weeks of summer camp, and some school subbing (I'm a nurse)...I got a request for September already from a nurse who tell me that I am her "go to"...that they all feel confident when I am there, and like me.
I respond with thanks and, tell her, because it is true, that I love coming there.
Recently (past yr. or so), my confidence in my working self has faltered. This used to be the ONE area I could count on feeling OK when I was there. I change jobs a lot because I assume the good things can't last & I invent or trigger an internal catastrophe. (this is amusing because, at work, with only one recent exception, I am invariably described as competent---no there is not exception, what happened in the last year was that one person in one setting because of one week told me I seemed to lack confidence---and I have always been considered confident at work
Not outside of work. That has always been another tale but at least I finally understand why....a bit too late to change much but easier on the heart and soul. I could not be anyone else. I would require endowment with ESP for that, and wouldn't we all?
So, I am moving this evening....and leaving....moving in with friends who have invited me to do just that several times...scared of course....
But lately, at work, I have experienced anxiety. I do this also happened years ago, and no one saw it but me---HOWEVER, then I felt very up to date and confident in my professional skills, I was a good student who could follow through, and go way beyond what I needed to know etc etc....flexible like double jointed.
And now I seek humdrum routine, but not sitting still as I do at home, or travel. I am so confused. I will have to allow myself time to be confused.
OH I have rambled so and am in such a fog that I don't even know what forum this is but I ampostinganyway

[winter4me]

...and it falls through at the last moment...
well, I am officially homeless...I am not going back...thank goodness for a hot summer and camping gear...have lots to think about and figure out

[hvert]

Ack, I hope you can find a good place to stay. Campsites really can be a good place for thinking and planning next steps...