[Evening]

I just need to vent.

I've been the manager of a store now for over a year, and while it's finally nice to not wonder where my meal is coming from and be able to buy things, I don't love my job for many reasons. Being in retail, obviously I'm not people and don't always get treated like one by customers.
But now I have a new issue on my plate. Ever since I hired a male staff member- suddenly I'm being constantly treated as though I'm not the manager by customers anymore, because 1. I look younger, and 2. I'm female. And no this isn't a presumption. A few weeks ago a customer came back in to pick something up and asked to speak to said male staff member 'you know, the boss'. I stated that I was in fact the boss, and the customer was rather surprised and straight out said to me that he was sorry and that he had been rather sexist to me. It was a rather poignant thing to say but I appreciate the honesty.
I've had a customer who looked younger than me laugh in a somewhat patronising way and say 'do your parents own the shop or something' after he asked if I was the manager when I asked the male staff member to take out some rubbish.
Apparently the other day someone said to him 'you must be the manager, surely it can't be that 12 year old girl that works here'.

Now as a nearly 29 year old adult with qualifications and a year of managerial experience, after working so hard to go from sleeping on a wooden board and starving to getting to where I am, I would like to actually be taken seriously for once in my life, at least in my career. I'm sick of people looking confused when someone says I'm the boss, and I'm sick of people thinking I'm barely out of highschool when I'm pushing 30. I've asked people in the past how I can look older and a lot of the time they seem to think this is a silly question, but I'm serious. If it's the only way I'm going to be treated as though I'm an adult in my career.
I hear all the time that 'it's good to look young, 'just wait until you are older and you'll appreciate it'. Yeah maybe I will, when I look 30 and am 40, but when I'm in my late 20's and people think I'm 17-18 (the oldest I get is maybe 21), then it's not fun and I don't appreciate it.

I just want to be taken seriously and not be treated like a child anymore- or as a step down because I'm female. I know it sounds petty, but it can really be quite degrading, and makes me dislike my job even more.

*big sads*

[kamikazebaby]

I feel your pain. I've been hearing similar things for the last 20 years. The only difference is that once you stay somewhere for years and years, your coworkers eventually realize that you Know Things and are actually pretty capable. Not that they magically stop being the jerks that they are...they just start to notice that you're useful to them. It may be that the only way to deal with it is to find a workplace with a less conservative "culture".

[hvert]

It's not just you! I'm in IT and people always assume that the 'real' IT guy is on his way. Definitely annoying, not getting any better as I get older. Ranting helps ease the pain a bit

[notz]

I had this problem when I was younger plus I'm short so I'm still sometimes overlooked (pun intended!) as the person in charge even though I'm much older now. I get what you're saying, it used to drive me crazy that people automatically assumed I was a subordinate! I finally accepted the fact that people are gonna think and say what they will and I can't change that. I have "grown" into a way of carrying myself physically and verbally that seems to say I am the one in charge. Looking older now that I am older makes it easier too.

I enjoy watching people squirm when they realize their faux pas now. I don't show delight but I definitely don't go rescuing people either. I figure it's my opportunity to hopefully plant the seed that maybe next time they'll be more careful about their assumptions. Just remember, a lot of folks are just the way they are and you can't change that. Try to be tolerant just for the sake of your position.

Could it be partly your dressing and hairstyle?

I'm female, mid twenties, petite and very often get treated like I'm 14.

At work in IT, I'm often presumed to be an intern.

I've found these blogs and plan to apply tips.

https://insideoutstyleblog.com/2013/...re-petite.html

http://www.extrapetite.com/2010/05/r...er-in.html?m=1

[Evening]

My clothes are a uniform (well, shirt wise, with whatever pants), my hair is just long and curly. I've tried finding ways of looking older but I think it's my face. even though I think I look awful, haha.

[dancinglady]

Same here. I am older and the customers go ask my boss to help them when I have to do some enforcement. Ugh ugh ugh

[Evening]

Even today I asked a lady if she needed help, she said she was fine and that the other staff member was waiting for the manager to come back so they could get some advice, she seemed a little surprised when I said the manager was myself. #thestruggle

[djb92]

you shouldn't have to dress differently and put in more effort to look like a boss. i am sorry this happens to you. i really hate that. it is unfair and people might have advice on how to handle this but it all sounds like "change yourself" to my ears. and that is not possible, and should not have to happen.

Really sorry to read of this Evening, if you look young then there's not a whole lot you can do - although you can tweak with hairstyle (maybe wearing it up?), neutral make up, conservative style of dress (if you are happy to do that).

I once had a boss several rungs above me who is younger than you and looks young too, she also had an open approachable manner which was great but also added to her young appearance. Most clients (especially older age group) ha no idea she worked at the level she did, they would call her a 'girl' and I would smile and explain about the level she worked at - your colleagues can do a lot like this to help support you, it's teamwork IMO.

[nowaitaminute]

Originally Posted by Evening

I just need to vent.

I've been the manager of a store now for over a year, and while it's finally nice to not wonder where my meal is coming from and be able to buy things, I don't love my job for many reasons. Being in retail, obviously I'm not people and don't always get treated like one by customers.
But now I have a new issue on my plate. Ever since I hired a male staff member- suddenly I'm being constantly treated as though I'm not the manager by customers anymore, because 1. I look younger, and 2. I'm female. And no this isn't a presumption. A few weeks ago a customer came back in to pick something up and asked to speak to said male staff member 'you know, the boss'. I stated that I was in fact the boss, and the customer was rather surprised and straight out said to me that he was sorry and that he had been rather sexist to me. It was a rather poignant thing to say but I appreciate the honesty.
I've had a customer who looked younger than me laugh in a somewhat patronising way and say 'do your parents own the shop or something' after he asked if I was the manager when I asked the male staff member to take out some rubbish.
Apparently the other day someone said to him 'you must be the manager, surely it can't be that 12 year old girl that works here'.

Now as a nearly 29 year old adult with qualifications and a year of managerial experience, after working so hard to go from sleeping on a wooden board and starving to getting to where I am, I would like to actually be taken seriously for once in my life, at least in my career. I'm sick of people looking confused when someone says I'm the boss, and I'm sick of people thinking I'm barely out of highschool when I'm pushing 30. I've asked people in the past how I can look older and a lot of the time they seem to think this is a silly question, but I'm serious. If it's the only way I'm going to be treated as though I'm an adult in my career.
I hear all the time that 'it's good to look young, 'just wait until you are older and you'll appreciate it'. Yeah maybe I will, when I look 30 and am 40, but when I'm in my late 20's and people think I'm 17-18 (the oldest I get is maybe 21), then it's not fun and I don't appreciate it.

I just want to be taken seriously and not be treated like a child anymore- or as a step down because I'm female. I know it sounds petty, but it can really be quite degrading, and makes me dislike my job even more.

*big sads*

I'd get out now-retail is tough enough. It will not get better.

[nicoleflynn]

Here is a thought....nametag with MANAGER on it?