[rechu]

I was talking with a friend about this. She has been feeling really down lately about her career not being at the point where she would like it to be.

I have been feeling similar. I was on a good track until I was laid off in 2012. Since then I have been doing temp/freelance work sporadically apart from a job that lasted about a year and a half. I quit that earlier this year due to mistreatment.

I come from a family of overachievers, we're talking PhD scientists, things like that, both my siblings and various cousins. It is hard sometimes not to feel like a failure in my professional life by comparison.

My friend sent me a few articles about this. What they say is true, most of us are average whether we like it or not. But how do you actually come around to accepting that, even though it is true? - especially when I feel like the rest of my family has accomplished so much more.

Has anyone else dealt with these feelings?

[Skeezyks]

Hello rechu: Well... personally I don't even feel average. In my case, average would have been a genuine accomplishment! (Over the years, I've self-harmed & attempted suicide more than once as a result.) Perhaps I'm fortunate in that I was an only child... so no siblings to compare myself to. And none of the rest of my family were ever anything more than average working class people.

Still, as an only child, I grew up with expectations regarding how I would turn out... none of which were realized or even approximated. And now, in the twilight of my life, I am forced to simply accept that I am the person I turned out to be. For me, this is not easy.

I struggle with a lot of intrusive thoughts related to this topic. I meditate & practice Buddhist techniques such as "compassionate abiding" (among others) in an effort to gain acceptance of myself just as I am. As the 11th century Tibetan Buddhist practitioner Machig Labdrön said: "In other traditions demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion."

I consider the ability to learn to accept oneself just as one is to be the definition of the term "enlightenment". And it has been said that enlightenment is a journey rather than a destination. I'm working on it...

[Yzen]

I feel you don't have to accept feeling 'average'. Focusing on what you want in life is more important than comparisons. Comparing ourselves to others will not make us feel good - no matter how much we achieve. That is because there is always someone that has done something you wish you could have accomplished. Embrace your uniqueness and talents.

[rechu]

Thanks for your thoughts, guys. I especially like your last paragraph, Skeezys. Definitely something to try to keep in mind and work on.