[vintagexsoul]

I will attempt to make this coherent, I'm currently very sick and battling against a growing fever. In general, I suffer from very strong social anxiety...I'm also schizoid. Not on the extreme end, but enough to qualify for the diagnosis. So between these things I am very socially awkward. I don't understand relationships...familial, friendship, professional. In fact I spent almost 5 years sheltered away from society due to mental health issues. So the past year has been me re-learning how to be a member of society. And there really aren't any guides along the way. I wish there were.

All I wanted was to read one of my bosses' short horror stories. I really thought that was innocent enough. At the time I was manic, so I just left a sample of my writing to break the ice and a simple note on his desk saying we should do a writing exchange. Thinking it would be several days before I see him because of the hours I had been getting. He gave me two stories that day (sooner than anticipated). I read the shorter during my lunch break and it was lovely but not a horror story. The second I read at home and three paragraphs in realized neither were a work of fiction....they were personal stories. Very....very personal, intimate stories about him and his thoughts and experiences. And he's always been rather odd around me, his actions have suggested there's something more than him seeing me as just another associate. I had no idea what to do. I was...I was expecting to be laughing over a really horrible horror story. Instead I was crying about his experience of his dad dying of cancer when he was 5 years old.

I think he likes me. I'm not sure, because I don't always understand the signs, but there's something between us. I know I have a crush on him...but he's my boss and has a gf. I'd never make an advancement on a taken person, let alone at work. It feels like there's a lot of tension between us, and I feel like I did something wrong without meaning to. While I'd like to talk to him, I'm terrified to. If I just knew...that everything is okay between us, I'd rest a lot easier. I was averaging 3-4 hours of sleep a night, getting migraines, or waking throughout the night for a while. Because of my anxiety over this.

We established this open communication. In fact, to quote him on a prior conversation, "I'm not just a boss. I'm a person." Which belonged to appropriate context. I don't want to upset or offend him. He's done so much for me, I don't want to lose an ally or a future professional job reference. Sometimes I see him as a friend, because I know some personal things about him....I have to remind myself he is above all, a boss. But he's taken his boss hat off around me, he's been very sweet and kind when that isn't his personality around other associates.

I've been tormenting myself for two weeks, trying to figure out how to fix the problem I caused, worrying I'm making him uncomfortable. About doing the wrong thing. I pick apart every conversation. I often stutter and blush during conversations. I seize up and feel afraid, but he's shown me nothing but kindness the entire time I've worked there. He's gone out of his way for me on more than one occasion. When he really, really didn't have to. He made a personal purchase for my benefit one day, just so I could get a sale that day. With an additional basket sale with it. He...really, didn't have to do that. It was the sweetest thing.

I really need everything to be okay. Doesn't really matter if he likes me or not, I just need things to be okay between us. So I don't have to battle anxiety every shift we work together.

[Skeezyks]

Hello vintagexsoul: The Skeezyks doesn't have any suggestions for you here. I just wanted to leave a note letting you know I read your post. I send you my best wishes with regard to your efforts to figure out this perplexing situation.

[Deejay14]

If you want a reference it is probably best to keep good boundaries at work.

Originally Posted by vintagexsoul

"I'm not just a boss. I'm a person."

Sounds like he's trying to move some boundaries around. He's not just a person, he's your boss.

[vintagexsoul]

My boundaries were extremely confused. But it doesn't matter...I've decided to resign from my job on Friday. Because I can't handle this anymore. Plus, they've been separating us...which means I've been getting the worst hours. I don't think they'd schedule me when he's on a shift....so they won't renegotiate my hours. It's just not worth being there anymore. This will cause problems with my family, but at least he nor I will be anxious or uncomfortable.

I don't believe he had bad intentions at all. Because I didn't have bad intentions. He's only gone out of his way for me the entire time I've worked there. Things sort of...happened? I don't even know....I'm trying to have a good laugh about it. I find him very attractive, so I guess I'm extremely flattered he found me attractive too.