[guilloche]

Does anyone want to share how their work Christmas parties went, if you've had one?

We had a departmental party tonight, at a local restaurant. It was pretty low-key... As is the tradition with this group, we did the "White Elephant" game where everyone gets to pick and/or steal presents.

I brought some really nice chocolates... they were from a local shop, hand-made truffles. They're really yummy... interesting flavors... plus *hand-made* and local. I thought they were a lovely idea.

Nobody picked them... they were literally the *last* present anyone chose to unwrap. When picking presents... everyone would look at my present, grab it, and *shake* it (omg! The poor truffles!) - then put it back down and pick something else.

The person who finally got them only took the box b/c the last person "stole" his gift... so he got this one. When he opened it, he was saying, "surely there's a gift card!? Where's the gift card? What? No gift card?" and I thought someone said that "somebody cheaped out".

I'm so disappointed. I actually had put a bit of thought into the gift, and thought that it would be something that most people would really like (especially since most people I know have too much crap and don't need more stuff cluttering up their houses). Plus, as I said, these weren't run-of-the-mill supermarket chocolates, they were really artisan, lovely, and I picked out all the flavors!

Sigh. So disappointing.

The gift I ended up with was a cute collection of things related to drinks (i.e. a book with recipes for mixed drinks, wine charms, etc). Super cute, but I don't drink at all! So, I felt sad... and gave away a few of the items to friends at the party, so they'd at least go to people who could use them.

Overall, it was a pretty depressing get together. I usually skip the office party, but I went this year to be a "team player". I feel like I fit in even LESS after this though!

This is how the holidays make me feel --> !!!

So... does your workplace do anything for the holidays? Parties? Gift swaps? Pot lucks? Are you a "yeah! Workplace party! Let's do it!" kind of person? Or more like me... ("OMG.. please no!")

I'm a "OMG please no" and have avoided every single one of the Christmas office parties so far - 3 years and ongoing!

I would have been thrilled with your choice of gifts. Prefer good chocolate to gift cards to places I won't go or trinkets I won't use.

[guilloche]

Thanks QuietMind! I wish I could gift the chocolates to you instead! I know that some people like these parties... but ugh, not really my thing. And a bunch of people that I like ended up sitting too far away to talk to!

Good for you for managing to avoid them though!!!

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I would have been thrilled with your choice of gifts...

Yes, and I can easily imagine they might have been "stolen" a time or two if they had been known earlier. I know for certain my wife would have loved them!

[Molinit]

I also would have loved your gift. People are totally rude, I don't know what happened to manners!

[seesaw]

Seriously, those people were very rude. White Elephant isn't about what you get, it's about the fun of the game. And chocolates are an awesome gift. I would have loved (and hated-because I'm on a diet) those chocolates.

We have a work party coming up too along with a White Elephant gift exchange. I am pretty close with my co-workers (we all put in like 50-60 hours a week together and hang out outside of work), so I'm not really dreading it. It will probably be fun. I'll let you know how it goes.

seesaw

[CloserToTheMid]

Mine's coming up, and I know one thing about it. They're going to hand out meat. Baskets of meat. I asked, "So what do they give to vegetarians?" Meat. They give meat. (I work for a farming-related institution)

Beyond that, I don't really know what to expect. I'll let you know.

Oh that's so rude - your present sounded lovely! I'm an OMG please no person, parties and work just don't go together IMO.

[Yzen]

I attended our work party. It was just a buffet lunch. I'm glad we didn't do any gift exchanges. Two years ago at my previous job, we did an exchange and I got a book from an author I don't like in the least. In my thoughts, I was thinking "I hate this author", but I forced a smile. I still have the book - I would have loved to exchange it for those hand-made chocolate truffles.

[guilloche]

Thanks everyone! I feel better hearing that others would have loved to get fancy chocolates and that it might have gotten stolen, if it hadn't been the very last gift opened.

Leejosepho - thanks for pointing out that it would have been stolen, if only it had been opened earlier! And, I wish we had more chocolate lovers there! Maybe I would have ended up with some interesting chocolates to take home too...

Molinit - thanks. Yeah, it was hurtful of them to say that... I don't know what I could have done to make it obvious that this wasn't just a cheap box of chocolates (as they seemed to think). It seems like everyone thought the chocolates were just... cheap, but they weren't. Maybe this group just doesn't understand nicer, more expensive chocolates. (They weren't crazy expensive, but they were within the price range specified.)

I get the feeling people were happier with gifts that came in BIG boxes. If I go again next year, I may just buy a ton of cheap alcohol... I bet they'd be thrilled with 4 bottles of cheap wine, since everyone seemed excited by the alcohol.

I hope that I didn't hurt anyone's feelings when I gave away parts of my gift. I tried to make it clear that I thought it was cute and a neat idea, but since I don't drink, things like wine charms aren't going to get used in my house (I also don't entertain much, and don't own wine glasses).

Seesaw - Thanks, and I'm actually really happy to hear that you get along with your co-workers and are looking forward to the party! It makes me feel glad for you . I like my small team, but this was a bigger group, with a lot of people that I don't know that well - so that's a little awkward. I hope your party IS fun! (Ooh, yeah, and the diet thing during the holidays is really hard!)

ClosertotheMid - Oh, wow! The meat thing make me chuckle a little, but I used to be a vegetarian, and I would have had a hard time figuring out to do with a basket of meat. Yikes. It probably would have gone straight to a delighted co-worker. Good luck... I hope any get-togethers that they do aren't too awful!

Prefabsprout - Aww, thank you! I think there might be quite a few of us in the "OMG Please no!" camp... but the people who love parties don't really get it. One woman that I work with wants to do MORE parties and events and general group STUFF, so that we can "get to know each other". Oyyyy... I told her, I'm happy to chat with her between meetings or when we bump into each other in the office, and those are MUCH better ways to get to know me than forcing me to try to be social in a crowded, loud environment, where I'm not at my best!

Yzen - thanks! You're lucky that your current job isn't do the gift exchange thing. I think it ends up kind of being a waste of money. A few people seem to get things that they like and can use, but a lot of it is very "jokey", which just seems like a waste to me. Maybe I'm just not super "fun". Your book is a case in point - now, it's probably just more clutter for you to deal with at home. Even though it might not have been a terrible idea for a gift, it's hard when you're buying for random people to get things that people will enjoy.

Thanks. Hope everyone is otherwise surviving the impending holidays!

[CloserToTheMid]

Just went to my wife's work party. She's an elementary school teacher, so it was basically a house full of tipsy women and their husbands...and a principal. I have a party trick. The 80/20 rule. I let a person talk 80% of the time. People prefer to talk more than listen and I'm better off listening than talking. Mainly, I just stick by my wife because she has subtle ways of signaling to me when I'm being an ***. But it never happened. I was funny and engaging but brief. Except once, but she never stops me on this same stupid thing. I have a story that I tell once in awhile when teachers are around from when I was a teacher. It goes over great with non-teachers but it bombs with teachers because it's the story of the events that led me to leaving the profession...and because of the money. And then I come home and realize that no teacher''s ever going to feel good about that story.

We left early. We're older and more tired than that crowd. I don't think I said or did one inappropriate thing. Saphris is helping. Feeling like myself again.

[AlittleUnsteady]

Mine is coming up this Tuesday. I was excited, but now i don't think I'll be able to go. My boss said to bring food. I only have $40 that needs to last me until Friday, when we get paid. I would like to go, but feel like I would feel out of place. I hope my boss doesn't consider this "party" as madatory.. I don't think people realize how badly people might be doing financially, especially this time of year. I also hope she doesn't think too much into why I am not going.

[Yzen]

Originally Posted by AlittleUnsteady

I hope my boss doesn't consider this "party" as madatory.. I don't think people realize how badly people might be doing financially, especially this time of year. I also hope she doesn't think too much into why I am not going.

I have missed office parties in the past. If anyone asked me why, I usually said I wasn't feeling good or I had another commitment. Do what is best for you. Parties are hardly ever mandatory.

I do feel like if a company is going to have a party, they shouldn't make people feel obligated to attend or take money out of there pocket to buy food or gifts. That is how I think about these things.

[guilloche]

CloserToTheMid - It sounds like you did great at the party! Did you enjoy chatting with people? That's great that you got through it so well, being funny and engaging, and without getting elbowed by your wife

ALittleUnsteady - I'm sorry things are so tight for you right now. That's a really difficult position to be in, and you're right, people often don't realize when others are struggling, and just assume that everyone can easily afford to bring something. *Hugs*. Is the party during work hours, or later in the evening? I find the ones that are outside of work are easier to skip if you want to do that, just say that you were feeling sick and not able to make it (or that you didn't want to get everyone else sick).

Yzen, thanks, good advice! I very much agree with you. It doesn't make sense to me when workplaces want employees to contribute to the holiday parties... It's a difficult thing, you want to show that you're a team player, but realistically - a company party often feels like "work", and I'd rather spend my free time on something that's not work, so that I can relax and be ready to tackle more work, at a work-appropriate time (if that makes sense!).

[TishaBuv]

I probably would have picked my own gift and kept the yummy chocolates. You are too classy for that crowd.

When my parents owned a store in a mall, we used to serve champagne and snacks the last few hours of the Christmas shopping rush to everyone, employees and customers and friends would show up, too.

It was fun. We were partying while busting our butts with last minute gifts sold mostly to men desperate to buy anything we could wrap up for their wives and gf's (sometimes both).

Over the past years it's been Christmas parties from my husband's job (medical field). They were all very stressful. Too much politics. We never had a good time. This year there won't even be one.

[CloserToTheMid]

Originally Posted by guilloche

CloserToTheMid - It sounds like you did great at the party! Did you enjoy chatting with people? That's great that you got through it so well, being funny and engaging, and without getting elbowed by your wife

ALittleUnsteady - I'm sorry things are so tight for you right now. That's a really difficult position to be in, and you're right, people often don't realize when others are struggling, and just assume that everyone can easily afford to bring something. *Hugs*. Is the party during work hours, or later in the evening? I find the ones that are outside of work are easier to skip if you want to do that, just say that you were feeling sick and not able to make it (or that you didn't want to get everyone else sick).

Yzen, thanks, good advice! I very much agree with you. It doesn't make sense to me when workplaces want employees to contribute to the holiday parties... It's a difficult thing, you want to show that you're a team player, but realistically - a company party often feels like "work", and I'd rather spend my free time on something that's not work, so that I can relax and be ready to tackle more work, at a work-appropriate time (if that makes sense!).

Yes! I was very nearly charming.

[Molinit]

Originally Posted by AlittleUnsteady

Mine is coming up this Tuesday. I was excited, but now i don't think I'll be able to go. My boss said to bring food. I only have $40 that needs to last me until Friday, when we get paid. I would like to go, but feel like I would feel out of place. I hope my boss doesn't consider this "party" as madatory.. I don't think people realize how badly people might be doing financially, especially this time of year. I also hope she doesn't think too much into why I am not going.

You know, I just hate when employers do this - many, MANY people live paycheck-to-paycheck and really can't afford to be buying ingredients or items to feed people they work with.

If I were in your situation, I would have to miss the party too.

[seesaw]

I have passed up parties in the past because I couldn't bring something. They really don't understand sometimes. Honestly, I think employers should pay for the Christmas party. We did a Thanksgiving potluck but it was entirely voluntary. I didn't even bring food. We needed cups for punch, so I spent $2 and brought those. I think there's always a cheap alternative, like bringing chips or rolls. At our Holiday party at another employer, they would have it catered, but we brought whatever drinks we wanted. That was always fun because people loved bringing their favorite alcohol beverage.

I think also, a batch of cookies or brownies is not very expensive to make. I know so many people live paycheck to paycheck, so I'm not saying this to say people have to participate, but just that it doesn't have to be very expensive.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I have passed up parties in the past because I couldn't bring something. They really don't understand sometimes. Honestly, I think employers should pay for the Christmas party. We did a Thanksgiving potluck but it was entirely voluntary. I didn't even bring food. We needed cups for punch, so I spent $2 and brought those. I think there's always a cheap alternative, like bringing chips or rolls. At our Holiday party at another employer, they would have it catered, but we brought whatever drinks we wanted. That was always fun because people loved bringing their favorite alcohol beverage.

I think also, a batch of cookies or brownies is not very expensive to make. I know so many people live paycheck to paycheck, so I'm not saying this to say people have to participate, but just that it doesn't have to be very expensive.

The company Christmas party makes you pay for it yourselves? That's super shytty.

[LiteraryLark]

Whenever I do Secret Santa I am always forgotten...no one buys me a gift!

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

The company Christmas party makes you pay for it yourselves? That's super shytty.

No, Tisha, they don't make us pay. We had a Thanksgiving potluck that was voluntary, and you could bring something if you wanted. Some people did, some people didn't. No one cared. The Company paid for the turkey and the champagne.

Our holiday party is completely paid for by the company.

In my last job, the company paid for the party, and some beer and wine, but we all were allowed to bring in special booze if we wanted, and most of us did. (Also, we actually liked each other, which helps.)

My job before that, the company paid for a HUGE holiday party...and then the warehouse threw a potluck that was super fun to participate in and much more intimate. You didn't have to bring anything if you couldn't, but lots of us did, because again, it was fun. There were a couple of times I couldn't afford to and didn't, and no one frowned at me.

[guilloche]

TishaBuv - I really, really wish that I had picked up my own present and just taken the chocolates home with me! I don't *need* more chocolate (I'm trying to lose weight and get healthier), but I would have been happy to have them!

What a neat memory of your parents sharing champagne and snacks to last minute shoppers! That sounds fun!

CloserToTheMid - High five on the charming part! Good for you, that can be tough to pull off!

Molinit - Same here. It's hard when employers make assumptions about what their employees can afford. Even if you're paid well, there's no way to know someone's circumstances and what's going on in their personal lives (therapy or medical bills, family members that are struggling and being supported, etc.).

I get that it's a nice idea to have a party where everyone can contribute, and... now that I've had some time to recover from being hurt about my present, I can see why people find the gift exchange fun. But, it can be hard for some people.

Seesaw - I love that there were cheaper options to contribute to your company's Thanksgiving party! And, I love it when there are options that don't require cooking. I have so little energy, I can barely cook for myself even though I'm trying to eat better. I feel like I really don't have the time/energy to try to figure out what to make for a potluck, do the shopping, cooking, and cleaning, and figure out how to safely transport it back home... it's all just a bit overwhelming for me! So, it's nice to hear that you guys had options!

LiteraryLark - oh no!!! That's terrible, I am so sorry. That's really awful that whoever picks your name as a "secret santa" just blows it off. I wish that your job could do something more like what mine did, with the "white elephant" (or "yankee swap") game - then there's no chance that you don't get something (though it might not be something that you like or want!).

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by guilloche

TishaBuv - I really, really wish that I had picked up my own present and just taken the chocolates home with me! I don't *need* more chocolate (I'm trying to lose weight and get healthier), but I would have been happy to have them!

What a neat memory of your parents sharing champagne and snacks to last minute shoppers! That sounds fun!

CloserToTheMid - High five on the charming part! Good for you, that can be tough to pull off!

Molinit - Same here. It's hard when employers make assumptions about what their employees can afford. Even if you're paid well, there's no way to know someone's circumstances and what's going on in their personal lives (therapy or medical bills, family members that are struggling and being supported, etc.).

I get that it's a nice idea to have a party where everyone can contribute, and... now that I've had some time to recover from being hurt about my present, I can see why people find the gift exchange fun. But, it can be hard for some people.

Seesaw - I love that there were cheaper options to contribute to your company's Thanksgiving party! And, I love it when there are options that don't require cooking. I have so little energy, I can barely cook for myself even though I'm trying to eat better. I feel like I really don't have the time/energy to try to figure out what to make for a potluck, do the shopping, cooking, and cleaning, and figure out how to safely transport it back home... it's all just a bit overwhelming for me! So, it's nice to hear that you guys had options!

LiteraryLark - oh no!!! That's terrible, I am so sorry. That's really awful that whoever picks your name as a "secret santa" just blows it off. I wish that your job could do something more like what mine did, with the "white elephant" (or "yankee swap") game - then there's no chance that you don't get something (though it might not be something that you like or want!).

We're doing White Elephant and I wish we were doing Secret Santa instead. White elephant is just so mean spirited.

[AutumnEmily]

Hi there! I don't like office parties either. I would love to have gotten your chocolates. We did secret santa last year, but this year, THANK GOD, they took a vote and just about everybody voted "no." Too stressful!!!
Ours is today at lunch in the conference room, they are having heavy hors d'oeuvres and desserts. I mean, free food, and it is nice of them, but I look so forward to at least leaving the office a while at lunch, getting away from everyone, you know?

[hvert]

I lasted ten minutes at the office party. I was on the fence about going, had an awkward social encounter almost immediately, so I just left. It was an open bar and free food, but I don't drink and there wasn't food I could eat.

No obligatory gift giving, thankfully... and if I have to chose, I'd take secret santa over white elephant any day. I did two white elephants last year by not bringing gifts and saying I wasn't participating. Both times (neither at work), someone gave me an extra gift and told me to take a number!!!

I also don't like office events. I work with these people all day, don't need to see them outside of work. Parties stress me out in general, even with friends.