[Lolina]

Hi everyone,
I know revenge is not something considered as "healthy" in our society because of the consequences it can have, and I know as well the best thing I should do is taking care of myself and try to be happy, and that's what I am trying to do but what if my brain, my emotions, my gut and surely my ego keep telling me to get revenge from my former colleagues who did me wrong (they bullied me for months, and it was almost physical).
I hate unfair situations, when it happened to others and innocent people it drives me mad so now that it has happened to me, I just don't feel it's ok that these people keep sleeping soundly in their bed and being happy while me I have to fight the trauma they have inflicted. I must say that I want to get revenge or at least to put it out there so others can know their real face. I was thinking of creating a blog about it, named and shamed them or a YouTube video or contacting some newspapers.
I think I will be happy if I know they become really aware of the extent of what they have done so in the future they will think twice before doing it to someone else.
I would love to know what you think.

[bearguardian]

The only thing I know for sure is that family, school and state should be doing a better job with young ones. Not that authoritarian punishment, fear, terror ********, I think you know what I mean.
Revenge? Thats a bit more sensitive subject. If it can change them than go for it. But do you really want to destroy someones life in the process, even if it is abuser? Will he pay more than he deserves? Will he naturally come to his senses without you interveaning? Is these a better way to revenge without casualties?
Maybe first focus on eliminating your own hate. Thats the real enemy.
I dont know really. I never thought much about this, altough I felt angry and vengeful once.

What you feel is natural because you were hurt, but I think it's better to forget it and let it go. You seem like a nice person, and I'm sure you will feel more satisfied if you do active good than hurting others or revenging. It's not about them or the consequences, it's about who you are.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by Lolina

...what if my brain, my emotions, my gut and surely my ego keep telling me to get revenge...

I had to go to work on my attitudes, beliefs and actions in order to get rid of that. Resentment and anger used to get me out of bed in the morning, but nothing I ever did along that kind of line ever helped to make this world a better place for anyone.

[Lolina]

Thank you for your answers.
Please don't judge me I am quite angry this week. I try to live a normal life and it works most of the time. But this keeps coming back and the feeling is so strong that it hurts. Should these people get away with it? I am a very kind and giving person but I have a hard time to forgive. I feel so much hate for cowards.
I won't hurt an innocent person but if you cross the line I definitely want you down.
About the consequences, did they care about me before doing what they did? Even as a kid I have never done something like that to others, in fact the contrary if I felt somebody did not have friends I would talk to them. These people were not kids but grown up adults, who had fun doing what they did.

[Erebos]

My concern would be supposing you did that and it changed nothing. In my experience bullies do not suddenly feel empathy when their behaviour is brought into the light.
You may just be encouraging further backlash.
Please be careful, and think long and hard about possible consequences.
I understand it seems terribly unfair, but to behave as though they are nothing,insignificant to your life, would take some of their power away.
All the best and take care.

[bearguardian]

This is curious. Few hours ago I read that Aristotle said something like "lack of courage is cowardice, too much courage is stupidity".
Whatever the battles choose them wisely. But me personally, I dont wish bad things to nobody, just change where it is needed.

[Lolina]

Bearguardian: am I stupid or naive to think people should face their behaviour? You surely don't mean it but this sentence hurts. I am working on myself since this happened.
Maybe you are right, maybe I should think about it.
But if I don't do anything? Isn't it what they have expected? To act like coward and not take responsibility for their behaviour. I have the impression if stay silent I am betraying myself. I talk about it to other friends and they told me to keep going with my life as if it never happened.
But it's not the case, is it?

So what would you do to feel better and not let that affecting you anymore?

[bearguardian]

Sorry, I was reading it in Croatian and hours ago so I could not find appropriate word. I use the word stupid on myself also, as a remainder not to actually be stupid. Sorry again if I came out like that.
But my advice remains. If you cannot find reasonable way to face them, get on with your life. Anybody who does harm to others is a miserable moron with enough issues of their own.
Find your peace of mind, please.

This is tricky.

No you are not bad or wrong for feeling the way you do.

However the outcomes of any action you make may not be what you wanted or intended. It could back-fire on you. It may not teach them a lesson and it's possible they could claim they were victims of harassment from you. It's unpredictable.

On balance I would advise you let it go - the best revenge is living well they say.

[bearguardian]

Originally Posted by Lolina

So what would you do to feel better and not let that affecting you anymore?

This is not an easy question for one message. Im not familiar about your inner mind doings. Follow what people say here, go to a therapist, know yourself. Whatever help you get, you will still be on your own to solve this.

Hi Lolina! I remember one of your first posts in here was about your job and how you felt. I commented then to confront your colleagues, but my comment was late as you quit before I made it. The real revenge would've been to stay and ignore them while doing a good job. Those people feel empowered if they find the reaction they desire. Obviously, what you are doing is disturbing you and makes you feel uneasy. Forgetting them is about your peace of mind. Resentment hurts the person who resents more than the resented people. It's like a black cloud that blocks you from seeing your own path. It's not easy. I have my own issues with some people, not at work but in my social life (they are relatives), but I always think what is the best way of revenge, which isn't necessarily hurting them. In your next job I think you need to be proactive and make sure no one will bully you before you fall into the resentment trap. Being nice and caring is good, but being too nice and too caring may make people take advantage of you or use you.

[Lolina]

Thank you so much guys, you are awesome.
The last two posts make me cry. It's true I need my peace of mind, I will concentrate on self care for now.