[Lolina]

Hi,
I have started a new job about 2 weeks ago, everyone is polite and the job in itself is easy. I often have lunch with the other Assistants and my integration was quite smooth.
The thing is as I have written here before I had a negative job experience before, which was really bad and helped me discover that I not only have a fear of conflict but I also have difficulty to set boundaries and make others respect me. Because I grew up with the idea that people should be respectful and it shouldn't be me who should teach them to be polite and respectful, so most of the time I tend just to stay away from that person, resent him or her or completely stop talking with them or leave the job.
I don't want to do that all my life, I want to learn to confront in a peaceful, calm and firm way.
I am an Executive Assistant, I work with 4 managers, 2 men and 2 women and their team, its about 15 people, everybody are quite nice to be honest but one woman with whom I work tends to slash out when she is stress, she did that twice and each time I felt anxious and stress, and yesterday I went home feeling anxious and angry. I journal about it but I still feel that way today.

Once she sent me an email and I didn't see it, as I had a problem with the server, she was like a little kid whining "did you see my email? But Lolina I will be late as if it was fault the server was not working. She had a blaming tone and it really got on my nerves.

Yesterday a woman from America who must attend a meeting that she organised for her in another town kept sending her email to ask about details, the woman seemed scared as she would have to travel alone, a guy from the team who must have gone with her had a personal problem and had to take a few days. So she transferred me the emails. And then she called me panicky and complaining about the woman and talking in a very angry and almost yelling tone. I stayed calm, and found solutions for the woman and sent emails to reassure everybody.

Today I will try to talk with her about it. Her attitude makes me so uncomfortable. I hate people like that who can't manage anything and slashed at others instead of taking their responsibility.

I would like keep this job but I won't tolerate to be treated like crap. Any advice on how to confront her in a calm and firm way will be welcome and any tips or insight in the general situation is welcome.

Thank you for reading

[winter4me]

It sounds like you are doing a really good job handling the problems.
She sounds anxious and defensive. She called you in a panic. Maybe you could start there by acknowledging her anxiety about that particular situation, and letting her know that you would (if you would) be glad to help her problem solve but that it causes you to feel uncomfortable when she uses a tone that sounds panicked and blaming. You might end up being her "friend" at work if you can help her to feel less out of control. You may be new, but it sounds like you are more at ease & have more knowledge.

[Lolina]

Thank you Winter4me, the way you see that empower me to a certain extent. Thanks so much.

Originally Posted by Lolina

...
Yesterday a woman from America who must attend a meeting that she organised for her in another town kept sending her email to ask about details, the woman seemed scared as she would have to travel alone, a guy from the team who must have gone with her had a personal problem and had to take a few days. So she transferred me the emails. And then she called me panicky and complaining about the woman and talking in a very angry and almost yelling tone. I stayed calm, and found solutions for the woman and sent emails to reassure everybody....

If she is higher than you in rank, then I don't recommend confronting her directly. You handled the situation gracefully. You are sending messages to her by doing a good job. Also, I see that what she does says a lot about her more than about you. She panics and gets angry because of things happening to her. It isn't because of you. If she expected you to do something but you didn't because of a technical error, let her know that. When people know why things aren't going according to their plans, they will feel more understanding. You are doing a good job. Keep calm and I'm sure she will be more aware of her actions around you if you keep helping her.