[Star.Sailor]

The question I ask myself when looking for a job isn't if I could do what the job requires of me, but "will I be able to perform the given tasks beyond the time span of three months?" My problem with seeking employment isn't that I think I'm too good for certain jobs or that I get bored easily (which, admittedly, yes, I get bored fairly easily). It's that I lack both the confidence and calm to breach longevity.

My longest job lasted for roughly a year. I was hired, worked for five months, felt overwhelmed by the sexual harassment I faced each night I came into work, and was subsequently fired for my absence. Three months of job searching, a bout of homelessness and headaches later, I decided to suck it up and go back to that place of my former employment and try to get my job back. The manager told me prior to this that the man was fired due to his delinquency and being caught on camera doing exactly as I had described in my statement when I reported him had been fired. It felt safe to go back there. They hired me back, right on the spot.

It was a retail position, in which I worked overnight in both the produce and meat sections, occassionaly stocking. The pay was good and I could handle this type of job working full time hours. Needless to say when I got my job back, I was happy. But the position I had was not the position I got rehired to do. Instead, this time, I was more near the frontlines of battle...I had to stock and work with customers. During daytime hours. Hours were all over the place and the pay was decreased by three dollars.

I worked there from August of last year to February of this year, before I moved a ways across the country to work at another retail establishment.

Important to note: I have PTSD (complex, from childhood emotional abuse and neglect, and sexual trauma). I hate loud noises. I cannot be in a place with huhe crowds of people being loud and going in a hundred different directions, asking for answers to questions I don't know myself. I cannot deal with angry or impatient people. And I always feel as if people are angry and impatient with me, because of my childhood experiences and how that negative connotation of anger and how I cannot speak up to defend myself from a verbal attack stuck.

When dealing in customer service--whether it be retail or food industry, I have a background in both--you face a lot of hardship in any position you are applied to, even stocking. It's not that I'm lazy or even hate people. I hate breaking down and crying in front of people and feeling that stress and contempt for myself when I cannot give an answer and perform up to par with the company's standards. I hate going mute and having panic attacks that send me to the hospital, pale in the face, sweaty, sick. I hate hating myself and I hate not feeling like I'm doing well at my job.

Most of all I hate not having a job. But when job searching, I'm picky, because I know I'm good at work, and have an eye for detail and am courteous to guests. But my panicy demeanor sets me out of a lot of jobs. Longevity is important to me. It secures my financial stability and keeps me off the streets. I faced the same issues with every job I've had.

Is it okay to talk to potential employers about my PTSD? I know it is considered a disability, and I'm sure it probably sounds like I have a hard time making life work with it, but I do not have a disability certification stating I need special accommodations. I've never told an employer of my anxiety. Is it okay to do so? When do I tell them? I have five places I'm looking at for jobs, including the aforementioned nameless company, and if I get on with any of those five, I want it to last and make the most of it in a way that is beneficial for not only myself, but potential co-workers and managers, too.

Also, I am not receiving treatment yet. In the past, it has not helped much in terms of being around people.

Thank you for your time.

[sans]

Hi Star.Sailor
I've recently started marking yes on the disability section of job applications. I've never had a long term job and I'm getting up there in years. I've had several diagnoses including agoraphobia and anxiety with panic disorder. I haven't filed for any type of disability or ssi, although I've considered it.
I hope that when I find a job I'm comfortable with, I will stay. I wish you the best in your future careers, and hope you find something that's a great fit for you.
Sans

[seesaw]

Do not disclose your disability to your prospective employer until after you have been hired and done all the paperwork. And then only disclose if you need to ask for an accommodation. Trust me, I've been through this. It only backfires on you if they know personal information that they think looks or sounds bad.

Seesaw

[sassysue]

Wow! This is just the post I needed to read! I am looking for employment too. I need something low stress, not fast paced and no multitasking.