Why do employers deserve our honesty?

Thanks for clearing that up. I thought for a moment that you were judging me for my cunning nature towards employers or other authority figures that I may be dependent on, but I'm glad to see that this isn't the case.

Anyways, I do like your description of core values, however, I don't know if having "achievement" as my core values is entirely accurate.

I say this because I can be the nicest, most laid back person you will ever meet when I am able to get my needs met and I have a stable life, however, when that isn't the case, I can become a ruthless cunning person who is capable of doing great harm to those that I deem a threat, which is more often than not employers who won't give me a job when I need one or people who come from financially well off families or who have a lot of wealth themselves but feel the need to go around bragging about things they bought or how much better they think they are because of their wealth.

So while I am goal oriented and passionate to a fault, I'm not one who would go around lying or manipulating people unless I feel like my stability is being threatened, and even then, I wouldn't do that to innocent people unless there was absolutely no choice (such as if I was on the streets and haven't eaten anything for over a week and I couldn't get help by being honest, in which case I would have no moral objections against stealing food from a big corporation like Walmart instead ofhurting an individual who is struggling like me, for example) but I won't get into that.

the dress code in the UK tends to be a lot more laid back too.

You're welcome. I figured you had thought I was judging you and I love and respect you too much to ever judge you like that - but this thread is not about judgement anyway (as I see it), but rather about searching and analyzing. I am sorry I saw you as possibly having achievement as a deep core value. The way I was figuring it was the things I said were your deep core values, with honesty and compassion as secondary core values...but perhaps I am wrong. I understand completely what you mean when you explain how compassionate you can be because I have seen that in you. I also know what you mean about the food thing as we have discussed that before and you already know that is something I would fault nobody for. I consider you to be an awesome person and an even better friend. I am glad to have you in my life. ❤

I will admit, I made this thread primarily because I've been doing a lot of research on employment because I have figured that it's best to get a regular job for now in addition to my online selling since selling things online for an income isn't something that can be done right away.

Anyways, I have read up about many things pertaining to cover letters, resumes, job hunting tips, and other things and I see a common theme among many of the guides that make out people who are lying about anything no matter how minor or not opening up and being completely honest with employers as the bad guys when it's hard enough as it is for many people to find jobs. I don't blame people for wanting to lie and I have considered falling back on lies and deception myself if honesty and hard work alone doesn't prove fruitful.

I could never understand people who would put their honesty and integrity above their very survival, especially since if you starve or freeze to death because of not having food or a place to live, than it doesn't matter how noble of a person you are since you can't help anybody if you're dead.

There was a time I was one of those people you speak of. I am not anymore. I am not sure if that is a good thing or bad - I just know it is fact. I can tell you though the reason some will put their honesty n integrity above their survival is because their honesty and integrity is so high a core value it is literally linked into the survival mechanisms of that person - meaning if that person were to willingly deceive, it would cause so much self loathing the person's health would decline. So really ... for them, at that point it comes down to a choice between "quick death or slow death" ... slow death being that of their own self loathing causing their demise.

I used to really be confused anyone would not be this way. Now I have been through so much pain I have changed slightly to where I do make sure my own safety is taken care of first. I understand all sides of it now though so I judge nobody.

I hope this thread has helped you. Sorry if I upset you at all. ❤

I can't lie, I have a lot of anger towards people like this for one simple reason:

My step father was like this. He would place so much value into integrity that he would always talk about how if he ever became homeless, he would rather starve than steal. He worked for over 60 hours a week, yet he always gave in to my mother's attempts to manipulate him for something that she wanted while we barely had enough food in the house. So when we were behind on paying a bill and something got shut off (I can't tell you how many times we had to go without water or electric), he would tell me to "suck it up" when I was going days without a decent meal.

I used to place a lot of value into my integrity. Heck, I even used to be the type of kid who wouldn't take a piece of paper from school without asking an instructor, but dealing with countless hours of going without necessities because of my dysfunctional family who couldn't get their priorities straight warped my outlook on life.

Sounds like your Dad became complacent to controlling behavior and you became an extension of that - meaning in order to keep on "pleasing the controller" he had to keep you "in line" too - yet he tried to do it in a way that kept you as "safe" as possible (at least in his mind). As you grew, you coorelated the "good parts" of him - his integrity and honesty with those parts of him he used to keep you in line - the co-dependant and/or submissive parts. I can understand why you are not like that anymore. Like I said, I went through too much pain in life and it landed me in a place I can no longer be the openly honest person I once was either. I think your anger toward people like that though, could be more of a grieving for the loss of what you once were. Like I told you, you can change core values - it is hard, but it can be done. If you feel like perhaps you have a lot of self-loathing, this could be why, not saying it is.

❤

Perhaps I am grieving. I do kind of miss the person that I used to be. I don't miss the honest side of me so much as the fact that I used to be a much more likeable person and I had many more friends than I do now.

Regardless, I have no real desire nor motivation to change my core values because I consider my "Machiavellian" traits a strength rather than a weakness and I only wish to improve upon them further.

It's difficult for me to function in society as a regular person and it's difficult for me to work a bunch of hours and get all of my needs met due to my MI. Since society still doesn't care about us and employers don't give a damn, I see my capacity for deception and manipulation as being too much of an advantage for me to change. Just as I wouldn't burn a $100 bill, I also wouldn't get rid of my "secret weapon" if you will which is the only thing that gives me any chance to compete with people who are stronger than me, desired more by others, or have resources that I don't.

As long as I don't hurt the few people in this world who would actually care about somebody like me with my actions, I don't see anything wrong with being the way that I am.

So no, I don't want to change that part of me.

Then that's all that matters. You know what you want for you and that's what you should do. Grief is a process. You go through many phases and there really is nothing any of us can I do to control how those phases work. You say you used to be a more likeable person. Is there any of that person you would want to reincorporate back into who you are now?

I honestly don't know anymore. I don't know if I am grieving or I'm just angry at my family for all of the times I had to go without something because of their weakness and ineptitude, but the more that I think about it, the more I lean toward the latter way of thinking.

Anyways, I think we've derailed this thread enough. If you want to talk about this further, feel free to message me.