[VanGore28]

I did well at school but became unwell at 18 so all I have had is revolving door, minimum wage slave driven jobs where I have been treated not the best.
So I have no real world skills. I haven't lived my life, been on drunken holidays with friends. Just a failed seven year relationship that destroyed my self worth. I never made new long lasting friends in my jobs or college courses while with that person.

I am not good at anything anymore. My people skills have never been flexed so I am a nervous wreck. I feel like I am past it at 29, washed up. I will not do a degree, because I will miss out on uni life cause I am world weary and grown up. So I need a job where I can be trained.

Plus I still live where I grew up and I have done too many stupid things, that no respectable employer could overlook as their reputation is on the line too.

I have a pal that is urging me to use my brain. But all I know is everything I cannot do - nursing No, teaching No, police force No, social work No, anything practical like a trade NO, . I feel like giving up once and for all.

At work on Friday I lost the rag, at a young co-worker who is a lovely lad, and pissed off another in the last hour. I have only been there two weeks and I have all ready flew off the handle. Hopefully it will be overlooked but I know for a fact it will be gossip all ready - moody s%^t, stuck up, telling someone how to do the job when she's useless at it herself....

[VanGore28]

When I got my first job my father called me lazy as the contract was 28 hours but I worked full time as always picked up overtime its just how retail works. But he called me lazy before that, for not knowing what I wanted to be, for chickening out of going snowboarding once. He told me I would never be as good as a former friend as I didn't have her energy. Maybe I was a dads girl, that seed planted, no time to chill. Work hard, play hard.
My mother would come home with bags of clothes for my brother and my heart would sink as I never got anything. He got more dinner money than me in high school. She bummed him up but always downed me - who do you think you are? you think your so perfect? you'll never be anything, you don't have enough confidence. I trained alongside the British Olympic Team! And my step father said this when I had a breakdown - I wish she had it earlier and we could have put her into care. I was working, studying, training and partying and whap no wonder I disintegrated.

If you do not know what you want to do it is time to do some soul searching. Try -
Voluntary work
Take a gap year/travel that can be done on a budget/few days in another city then back home and repeat
Sometimes taking a step back and stop trying, and let the stars fall into place
For all you know someone might just come knocking on your door
Some would argue you make your own luck, but they don't understand what it is like to feel like all you do is bang your head off a brick wall
Maybe you can go back to something you have all ready done, you never know
Stop underestimating yourself
Don't give up
There are doors that may have been locked before but, maybe one will open for you sooner than you think (do you play video games, opening new worlds you know, but you have to complete the level, and unfinished business before you can hop to a new realm)

Best of luck my friend. I will PM you as you are obviously well read and bright as a button. I find your posts different to many I have come across here, intriguing

[seesaw]

It's never too late to turn things around and go after your dreams. Go back to school, learn a trade, do what you want to do. Don't let your toxic parents keep you from having a fulfilling career and finding happiness.

Good luck,
Seesaw