[Wunderland]

Hello,

I always thought my anxiety was generalized, but until recently, I've noticed major changes in the way I view my coworkers. I am currently off on an extended sick leave for major depression and anxiety.

While I was at my job, however, I would always feel intimidated by my coworkers. The main intimidation was their ability to socialize. They all had some sort of a life, whereas for me it was always hard to get up every single day, go to work, and then do almost nothing when I got home because I was so tired. I didn't have energy to have a 'life', such as socializing with others. The only people I socialize with from time to time are my immediate family members.

Did anyone feel this way? Intimidated by the social crowd at work? I always felt like such an odd ball. Everyone else would spend their weekends at dinner parties, or going out to a movie, walking in the park, etc. I could not do such things, and upon reflection, it's probably because I was fighting the energy-sapping demon of depression/anxiety.

[Yzen]

I have felt similar to you. Our team goes out to lunch every few weeks together. My coworkers talk about activities that they do during the week...classes, sports, happy hour, movies, socializing. It makes me feel out of place. I don't seem to have anything to share with them because I tend to be too drained on most days to commit to activities. I can't remember the last movie I went to see. The weekends are usually better for me.

[reb569]

I've experienced that my whole life. I don't trust people easily, am hyper-vigilant, don't like it when people walk up behind me or get too close to me. Meetings are stressful for me. I'm great at what I do, I just prefer to be left alone.

I have to admit, that after all of these years, I prefer to be left alone at work. I plug in and totally ignore the drama that is going on around me. Unfortunately, by boss is an ***** and I can't totally ignore him so our meetings are very stressful for me. On the plus side, he shows up late and takes long lunches so sometimes I can get through a whole day without having to talk to him.

I truly am the "odd person out". I don't fit into the group as a whole, but do have some pretty good working relationships in one-on-one conversations. Add more than one person to a discussion and I'm immediately uncomfortable.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Wunderland

Hello,

I always thought my anxiety was generalized, but until recently, I've noticed major changes in the way I view my coworkers. I am currently off on an extended sick leave for major depression and anxiety.

While I was at my job, however, I would always feel intimidated by my coworkers. The main intimidation was their ability to socialize. They all had some sort of a life, whereas for me it was always hard to get up every single day, go to work, and then do almost nothing when I got home because I was so tired. I didn't have energy to have a 'life', such as socializing with others. The only people I socialize with from time to time are my immediate family members.

Did anyone feel this way? Intimidated by the social crowd at work? I always felt like such an odd ball. Everyone else would spend their weekends at dinner parties, or going out to a movie, walking in the park, etc. I could not do such things, and upon reflection, it's probably because I was fighting the energy-sapping demon of depression/anxiety.

I could have written this word for word. It will get better though. You just have to keep exposing yourself to social situations. And yeah, I can never talk about my personal life or family. But I've developed a list of topics that I can talk about that fit into the small talk area: my dogs, a popular TV show,a good book I just read, or I just listen, nod my head, and say "wow, that's sounds like so much fun, I'll have to try that some time." And they respond pretty well to that. It's possible to master the social situations of small talk without divulging anything about our scary pasts.

Seesaw

[Wunderland]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I could have written this word for word. It will get better though. You just have to keep exposing yourself to social situations. And yeah, I can never talk about my personal life or family. But I've developed a list of topics that I can talk about that fit into the small talk area: my dogs, a popular TV show,a good book I just read, or I just listen, nod my head, and say "wow, that's sounds like so much fun, I'll have to try that some time." And they respond pretty well to that. It's possible to master the social situations of small talk without divulging anything about our scary pasts.

Seesaw

Hi Seesaw,

I am not sure you fully understood my post, but anyhow......it was a kind gesture to offer advice. Thanks for that.

My frustration was mostly about feeling awkward around 'busy' people who had 'busy' lives after their jobs. I didn't have their energy level, and felt oddly out-of-place. It was not entirely about being socially anxious in a general sense. It was more about comparing my quiet lifestyle with busy-bees at my job. Do you know what I mean?

In general, my overall social skills seem to be intact with people that I know well in my life. And that's all that matters for now. I am not inept in social situations, btw. Upon reflection, most people at my job didn't realize I was shy until I told them...lolololol. I suppose my acting chops were in order in my previous career.

[Wunderland]

Originally Posted by reb569

I've experienced that my whole life. I don't trust people easily, am hyper-vigilant, don't like it when people walk up behind me or get too close to me. Meetings are stressful for me. I'm great at what I do, I just prefer to be left alone.

I have to admit, that after all of these years, I prefer to be left alone at work. I plug in and totally ignore the drama that is going on around me. Unfortunately, by boss is an ***** and I can't totally ignore him so our meetings are very stressful for me. On the plus side, he shows up late and takes long lunches so sometimes I can get through a whole day without having to talk to him.

I truly am the "odd person out". I don't fit into the group as a whole, but do have some pretty good working relationships in one-on-one conversations. Add more than one person to a discussion and I'm immediately uncomfortable.

Hey thanks for relating and not patronizing the whole experience. I think you and I share similar thoughts.

I find one-to-one relationships very very easy, and extremely comfortable, depending on the person you converse with, obviously. Group situations can be good, but also depending on the people. I do prefer one-to-one.

I think I was just tired of hearing people talk about their 'busy' out-of-work lifestyle. Do this...do that...do that...do this. It was almost as hectic as work itself. ANd then when I reflected on it today, I realized that these people are probably a different make-up than I am. They are energizer bunnies with more energy to expend than the sun itself, to put it lightly. And I am not. I never was. I'm the slow turtle that gets things done steadily. If people are racing forward, well, I take another route. I do it my way and as slow as I need to. With depression and anxiety, it really slowed me down to a snail's pace. So, I'm dealing with fatigue, mostly, nowadays.

Thanks for the thoughtful reply.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Wunderland

Hi Seesaw,

I am not sure you fully understood my post, but anyhow......it was a kind gesture to offer advice. Thanks for that.

My frustration was mostly about feeling awkward around 'busy' people who had 'busy' lives after their jobs. I didn't have their energy level, and felt oddly out-of-place. It was not entirely about being socially anxious in a general sense. It was more about comparing my quiet lifestyle with busy-bees at my job. Do you know what I mean?

In general, my overall social skills seem to be intact with people that I know well in my life. And that's all that matters for now. I am not inept in social situations, btw. Upon reflection, most people at my job didn't realize I was shy until I told them...lolololol. I suppose my acting chops were in order in my previous career.

I'm sorry, I did misunderstand. But I still understand what you are going through. My work is the same way. People ask what I did on the weekend, and I'm like I slept. That's what I did. And they had all these fun things they went and did.

I just don't have the energy to keep up.

I have no advice other than don't be judgmental or harsh on yourself. You have a disability, go easy on yourself.

Seesaw

[Wunderland]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I'm sorry, I did misunderstand. But I still understand what you are going through. My work is the same way. People ask what I did on the weekend, and I'm like I slept. That's what I did. And they had all these fun things they went and did.

I just don't have the energy to keep up.

I have no advice other than don't be judgmental or harsh on yourself. You have a disability, go easy on yourself.

Seesaw

Thank you so much, Seesaw. Any help is appreciated. I am inspired by you, that you are doing so well in your career. Never say never....(saying this to myself). I may go back to teaching one day, but not at my former school. Right now, I just want to focus on getting well again.

~ Wunderland

[dlantern]

Is there an area you excel at socially? It is worth the competition to elevate your self esteem and maybe a long term goal? I know you said in general it is a problem but if you are going to work at it this would be a good opportunity to start some where.

I totally understand everything written here it was written quiet nicely!

[Wunderland]

Originally Posted by dlantern

Is there an area you excel at socially? It is worth the competition to elevate your self esteem and maybe a long term goal? I know you said in general it is a problem but if you are going to work at it this would be a good opportunity to start some where.

I totally understand everything written here it was written quiet nicely!

Thanks so much for your reply.

I excel at public speaking and presentations, as that is what I did as a teacher...lol. But, thanks for asking. Yes, it's a confidence booster.

[dermald]

I've experienced this a lot, when I have a job. At my last job, there's a game room where people would get together to play games, work on puzzles, and so on. I just couldn't bring myself to do it because I always felt like my desk was burning down.

The rough part was their monthly "fun day," which was one Friday every month. There was a "fun committee" that would plan events, like going to the beach, or going to the zoo, or making giant balloon animals. Often times, they'd have these "team building exercises," and I did not like these at all.

I had one where I ended up on a team with my boss. We had to build a structure with some specific supplies. I had an engineering idea that helped us win. The leader of the exercise asked my boss how we ended up winning, and he said, "It was all my idea."

What makes these things even more difficult is my Social Anxiety. When I'm with a group of people for a long time, it drains me of my energy, and I have to run off and hide in a closet for a while to re-charge. As much as the workplace loved to talk about how they acknowledge and have sympathy for a variety of disabilities and all that, nobody had any sympathy for my challenge.

Just suck it up and quit being a d*ck about it. My boss actually said that.

Inevitably, I get tired, and then I tend to slip up and maybe say some things that are honest. Honesty is the ONE thing you want to avoid at work.

But the thing that made it THE worst at work was that we had a Cheerleader. Her actual title was "Corporate Cheerleader." She would make the rounds to everyone's desk and want to make sure they were smiling as big as possible.

She gets to my desk, and notices that I'm not smiling. She asks if I'm sad, and I say I am not. She asks if I'm angry, and I say that I am not. Eventually, I tell her that "I just AM... and I think it's highly abnormal for someone to have a huge smile and to be overly-happy at all times. That's just not normal and it's not healthy."

This is probably one of the many reasons why I was downsized, along with the other "old" people.

I need a job where they shove me in a closet and slide cheese underneath the door every few hours. I would be okay with a job where I never interacted with another human being all day long.

[Bbop]

I grew up being a social butterfly however, sense coming down with schitzo affective disorder the past two years, I am a complete introvert. Held here by the chains of parinoia and anxiety. Does it really help slowly putting yourself in social situations?