[Barreja]

Yes, I am upset.

I have now lost 6 jobs because I can't learn or remember things. I am slow. I get treated bad by supervisors who somehow think I could possibly want to not do well. I sit at my desk all day and work nose to the grindstone. I still fail.

I get Performance Improvement Plans. Threatened to fire me. When I can't improve because I am already doing EVERYTHING I CAN I get fired. I feel like I have early alzheimers. I tell a doctor. I don't get evaluated like neuropsych testing because I change insurance and doctors or some other reason. I get another job and it happens again. I loose my health insurance because I can't get a job. No more Latuda, Lamictal, Adderall or Lorazipam. Cold Turkey.

So I get another job without insurance and I but some meth and Ativan. Now I am an addict. We are stigmatized and marganilized, judged, tried and sentensed to not receive an imcome while we try to recover. Nope. Not for us.

I didn't medicate until I suffered the abuse of being fired which is a major negative life event. It hurts. It is demoralizing. I have Bi-polar. Many, more than 50% of people with Bi-Polar have cognitive problems. These cognitive problems do not correct when you are being treated and are stable. It is proven.

My doctor because of substance abuse and me now being considered an addict will not put me on disabilty because "she is not comfortable" evaluating me until 6 months after I have stopped substances to get a valid result.

So. I don't get disability. I just don't. I am a bad person and need to be stigmatized and marganilized and live on the streets. I can't work, I can't get disability.

I can't work and they made state disabilty here in California for people who can't perform there regular jobs due to a disabiliy. I have Bi-Polar and am disabled. I have ADHD. I am disabled.

Ah....but I lost my medical benefits and in order to function I bought an illegal stimulant and prescription Atavan off the streets. Not to get high but to compensate for the medication I did well on when I had insurance.

I am off them now but that isn't good enough. I am immoral, indecent and deserve to not have an imcome because it is all my fault. I paid my doctor and healh care plan $3,000. for this answer.

[reb569]

I'm sorry this really sucks. Have you thought of getting another opinion?

Do they have supported work agencies there in California? That may be an option to getting a job where you can work with a caseworker that will help you with any issues, and the employer has to work with you too. We actually have one business in my local area that hires only MI through a supported work environment and it very successful.

Insurance-wise, I really think it's time for a single payer system in this country. It's very sad that someone has to drop their meds and turn to illegal drugs to keep themselves stable.

Did you apply for disability and not get it? You could try applying again. It took me a couple tries to get disability. I'm sorry you're going through this and I wish you peace.

[Barreja]

Thanks guys! Yes, I applied for SSDI and was denied because no one has tested my memory problems. Scared about my cognitive problems and before I got settled with a new doc, lose a job, buy insurance. I asked Kaiser, can you evaluate me? Not until 6 months of no substances. I will be living in the streets in 6 months, will you verify disability? I'm not comfortable with that was her response. Why? Because I abused substances and you personally do not want me to be evaluated and get better? Because my state disability will promptly place me on disability because, it is covered for substance abuse. Period. If I had a heart attack would you be uncomfortable placing me on disability because I didn't eat salads, exercise and avoid fatty foods?

Where does one draw the line? I sent an email back to her explaining that as a Doctor and a human being if she would be kind enough to help me, it would not be out of line to base it on my bipolar 2 and ADHD and anxiety and cognitive problems. I am disabled and deserve to have the chance to recover re. I went there, my choice, no police, judge or creditor,'did not hit rock bottom. I was honest with you, why would you want to cause an action that would cause harm to my health?

Ball is her court. She must justify her denial. I begin Medicaid on 8/1.

[Keyplayer]

Suggestion :

1st: Contact your state Legal Aid Office or Referral Service , every state has one.
Some states ( like NH ) may charge a very small fee ( NH = $25.00 / I have used there service many times and NO lawyer has ever taken my 25 bucks ) .
If they take your SSI appeal and you win they will get a percentage of what your initial payout will be ( you applied / you were denied / you appealed and won , your first check would be retroactive from the time you applied for SSI.

To make it easier:

6 months ago you applied / 2 months ago you were denied / you got a lawyer , you appealed . 4 months after you were denied , you won. So they give you $100.00 per month ( just example , it would be more ) so add 6 +2 + ( if it took 2 months to find a lawyer ) + 2 + ( 1 month for court to rule in your favor ) = 9 months or $900 dollars your lawyer may ask for 33% or $300 , but you end up with 600 no court or legal cost SSI and Medicaid for as long as you need it.
You might have to have an independent exam. once a year to validate your condition * not always , state dependent .

See any therapist that can help you , stay happy and healthy.

I just wish I had that option , BUT U DO , so take it !!

KP 

PM if you need me

You're not immoral for using "illegal" drugs. The people that are immoral are those who run things.

You're not broken or defective; the system is. The corrupt politicians and CEOs that run things are the ones who are truly immoral. They are the problem.

Don't be too hard on yourself for doing what you feel you must to survive.

I can't offer you any practical advice that others might have already offered here, but I do hope that you will cut yourself some slack.

[Barreja]

Thanks guys. Doc officially declined to sign for the 3 weeks. I've looked into just paying for the neuropsych testing @2500. By taking a loan. The only way I can document my problems because I am sure there are major problems. After the testing, doc will review what areas are affected such as memory, executive function and recommends work accommodations and if none are found, it is good clinical for a long term SSDI claim. I guess it is gonna be considered an investment. Meanwhile, I actually filed a discrimination complaint with the state stating in the absence of mental health and a history of substances abuse, I would have been certified for SDI. Believe it or not both conditions are considered a handicap and an agency such as my insurance company with received govt taxpayer money (healthcare exchange) can't discriminate by not giving me treatment and all government benefits in the absence of these disabilities. Really have no idea what I'm doing but just keep trying