[ghtyui]

I know this is rambling but my questions are:
1. How do others on this board maintain professional relationships at work?
2. How do you make friends at a new employer and keep from freaking everyone out?

If you read my other posts you might see that I don't post here until I'm really at my wit's end. Well I'm back in that place.
I've had several different jobs with varying success up until my current employer. Here I realized that I really do have some skill and value; luckily the management agreed and compensated me fairly. Prior to this I was always, ALWAYS underpaid because I had 0 self confidence and would accept any number they threw out.
So At my current employer they gave me the opportunity to move into a sort of developer role. I've picked it up and ran with it, and I'm doing well with it because I know I'm smart.
My company was bought by another company, and the culture is way different. Most importantly from what I have noticed is that my new team is super uptight and I feel they are actually pompous a-holes. I feel they probably talk bad about me and treat me with disdain. In all my meetings I am nervous and there are ALWAYS awkward pauses after I speak, like the rest of the people on the call need a minute to decipher what I just said. In addition to that, my boss has become more and more distant and cold towards me. I know if has to do with how I carry myself when interacting with others and I've resolved myself to finding another job. But then here's the biggest issue: The developer work I do now is only used by a couple companies in my city. If I go back to my old line of work I will take a huge paycut, arounf 15-20k and my wife will have to go back to work.

[seesaw]

I think you maintain your professional relationships by being trustworthy: do what you say you will do; communicating openly about the projects you are working on and keeping your supervisor in the know; and not sharing personal information.

I know you want to know how to make friends at work, but work is not a place to make friends. They are co-workers. The only thing you share in common is that you both work for the same employer. It's not a social club. I would not share your diagnosis with anyone because they won't know how to deal with it. Being polite, be cordial, take part in small talk about the weather or local football team, but don't talk politics or religion, and not about your personal life. Work is not the place to air out and solve personal problems.

I wouldn't quit your current job or go back to your old line of work as a 20k pay cut is huge. What you could do is communicate with your supervisor that you recognize the culture is or has shifted and you would like to know if they have any feedback on how you can improve your communication skills on those calls.

One thing you haven't really mentioned is how your work is perceived. You say the supervisor has grown distant, but has there been any complaint about your work or making deadlines or anything? Also, you mention a moment of awkwardness after you speak on a call; is it possible that because you are a developer that they do indeed have to consider what you said before responding because it's a little over their heads? When I used to sit in senior leadership meetings and our lead tech guy used to update us, I would never understand what he was saying and would ask a million questions so I could make sure that his projects on the server, CMS, or website weren't going to affect my projects.

So if the other people on the call aren't techies, they may indeed be trying to figure out what exactly you're telling them...which isn't an insult, it's just that they don't understand the technical aspects and are trying to keep up. It could help to try and explain things in laymen's terms for them.

Another thing could be that while you think you are sharing pertinent information, maybe it's not as relevant as you think? I used to do this a lot because of my OCD. My brain would take an element of the discussion and tangentally connect it to something else and it would physically hurt not to share that connection, even if it wasn't totally relevant. To me it seemed absolutely relevant. So I started questioning if my contribution to the discussion was really relevant or just a side note.

If you are uncomfortable discussing with your supervisor, maybe find someone approachable in your division that you would feel comfortable asking them for feedback? The only way you will improve in those areas is to get some feedback.

Seesaw

[pappydaddy]

For almost 5 years I was a Supervisor in a fast paced manufacturing facility. I was in charge of the Warehouse end of things, Shipping, Receiving, etc. It was a stressful nightmare to say the least. The reason I'm telling you this is because I have a lot of experience in trying to deal professionally with a lot of different personalities and levels of power.

I struggled, I will make no bones about it. Most of the time I didn't have many problems. But sometimes it was a nightmare. I knew there were a lot of murmurings in the background regarding me, and frankly, I didn't care. I live in a very small community, one in which everyone knows everyone's business, both inside and outside of work. Eventually the fact that I was bipolar became pretty well known. Once I realized the word was out I didn't hide it. I didn't promote it openly but I didn't deny it, either. In time I ended up losing my job and I can say with a fair amount of certainty it had almost everything to do with my condition. I know this isn't what you may want to hear but I'm telling you the truth.

If I had it all to do over again I would say less. I would still have provided input when it was needed and spoken when it was required but otherwise I would have said nothing. The more honest, caring, and open I was the worse things got.

It appears you are struggling with your coworkers due to the new company taking over. Take a breath, take a step back, and really analyze what is taking place. Most importantly, think about what people are interpreting, not necessarily what you are saying or doing. Perception is everything. America wants to pride itself on being a beacon for showing the world the proper way to run a business. Unfortunately, what America really wants is to appear like we have business acumen. We don't want reality. You have to fit into the mirage.