Due to someone in my workplace facing allegations of inappropriate behavior, there have been certain actions taken.

First, there is a working group put together to address ANY issues of inappropriate behavior in the workplace. This is on a national level and they are supposed to come up with new rules to address people who come close to the line but harass without going over it.

All the managers in my workplace had to go to a training last week on "harassment", not sexual harassment. Interesting but I think they are starting to realized that harassment itself is dangerous.

In my state there is a strong workplace bullying advocacy group and they are getting closer to getting a bill passed.

I had an abusive boss and I want to send an anonymous letter to the working group.. outlining all the ways my boss would act to harass me because he knew he would get away with it and NO one would intervene. But I fear reprisal or someone wanting me to go public with it.

At one point I did that in my workplace and everyone seemed to mis understand me and, of course, acted like they got the same thing but they didn't.

My boss would
- come up with useless busy work for me to do that kept me busy and overwhelmed at all times because at the end of my job description it said "and anything else". If he was mad at me for any number of things, he would flip out over one of the items that I hadn't done that wasn't really my job anyway and typically was demeaning. By keeping me overwhelmed with work he always had the ability to bring me before my bosses anytime he had an itch to hurt me. This is how he kept me in control and the bosses were complicit.

- If I told him I had to leave early, he would keep talking at a meeting and not allow me to go because the meeting came first. As a girl in my 30s I had no dating life because I kept missing dates. Bosses were like, well that is part of your job. But no one in their right mind ever thought it would be every night?

- As part of his job he had to look at // sketchy potentially problematic things, and the way it is typically done is that you look at it with the person who also had to look at it. But he always insisted that he look at it with me and used to always try to get me to "que it up for him* but I would just give him the look like, you better not push this or I will destroy you... and he backed off. But he always tried. I always felt it was his version of getting off by demeaning me.

- Always yell at me IN PUBLIC and demean me IN PUBLIC.

- lure me into going someplace for an event and then when we got there, tell me I should wait in the car.

- harass me daily and viciously when my mom is in the hospital with cancer. People did intervene here but it took a while.

I want to point this out but I don't want to be called on it. He is a tricky powerful man and he knows where the line is so he is going to come right up to the line and just not cross it. So many times over this -- everyone was not sympathetic. He was powerful and that was all that mattered. As a manager said to me once. "He gets what he wants."

But I also feel like he would truly win if I was to say nothing. How do I get a truly anonymous letter to them. I am afraid somehow it could be traced to me.

And finally am I crazy. Every time I would tell these allegations to others they would look at me like I was.

[divine1966]

Is he still your boss? He sounds like a total jerk. I dint know if it is harassment but he sure is not a nice person at all. But I doubt you can prove harassment especially if it was long time ago. Many corporate world bosses acted like what you described. Just pushing profit. No regards to peoples feelings. It maybe wasn’t type of environment for you. My daughter hated corporate world and accepted working for less pay for nonprofit so she just doesn’t have to deal with it

Did you ever file a complaint? Do you have any example of mistreatment on paper (like nasty emails?) How many years you stayed on a job? If he yelled in public, would the witnesses step forward? If it was alwats just two of you, it’s hard to prove.

About dating life, I dated a lot in my life and typically people don’t date during the week that much, most date on the weekends. Most people are way too tired from work day to schedule dates right after work, especially if you have unpredictable job. I can count on my fingers number of times I went out after work. Our dating life isn’t employer’s concern. My husband is RN with supposedly 12 hours shifts. But it’s NEVER 12 hours. It’s either code blue 5 minutes before shift over or his replacement dudnt show up etc It’s just how many jobs are. Unpredictable. You certaunly have to plan your dating life accordingly (I always just told people that I am too busy during the week, and so were they)

Harassing you when your mother was sick is terrible. What exactly did he do? Do you again have specific witnesses or anything in written?

[seesaw]

So, I am going through a discrimination lawsuit right now, and I will tell you, even though I know I'm right, it's awful. It is mostly he said/she said, even with my direct evidence (emails, recordings, etc.). Honestly, I would consult an attorney before you take any action. Only they can tell you what to expect, even from an anonymous letter.

If you send an anonymous letter, make sure it is typed. Use gloves when you handle it. Try to drive to a post office in a separate zip code from you to put it in the mail. These are just a few ways to throw off the scent that it's from you. Also, if you mention your mother's illness, don't mention that it was your mother, just that it was a close family member and that it was a terminal illness, not that it was cancer. If you give too many specific details, they will be able to tell it's you.

This is just my opinion, but I think you should send the letter. But I am the type of person who stands up for myself and who is willing to deal with the consequences. I have an overdeveloped sense of right and wrong and so I cannot stand to NOT stand up for injustice. I often do so on behalf of co-workers and get myself in trouble in the meantime. Seriously, I should have been in HR. Lol.

The other option is to find another job and file the complaint after you leave.

Seesaw

[ArchieAus]

No , I wouldn't send the letter . Trying to read what your situation is now it sounds like you no longer report to this person , so he does not influence your work life anymore . You also mention twice that others didn't support your view on his conduct towards you ( apart from your mothers illness , which would have been very upsetting for you , but was dealt with back then so isn't a current situation ) , that's the crux of it , unsubstantiated claims are a tricky area . I'm in no way disputing your view of this person , but it's possible and maybe likely someone will link you to the letter . By submitting the letter you open up the possibility of your fear " to be called out on it " , but there doesn't seem very much to gain at this point for that risk .

Originally Posted by ArchieAus

No , I wouldn't send the letter . Trying to read what your situation is now it sounds like you no longer report to this person , so he does not influence your work life anymore .

Yes... good advice, will take it.