[BlueNumpty]

So… I am 27 and I have been in my current job for about three years. I work in admin in the health service. I should probably say that I don’t deal well with change or uncertainty, I have zero confidence in myself. I am also the most indecisive person you will ever meet. I don’t actually think I have ever consciously made a career decision in my life. Every job I have had I have fallen into by chance, not a single one has been a conscious decision on my part. I cant even decide things like what to have for breakfast. I feel completely overwhelmed by the decision I am currently having to make and have no idea what to do or where to turn.

I guess I also have that 'imposter syndrome' because I have not once felt truly confident in my work. This isn't helped by the fact that I have received no formal training on pretty much anything and I have no one to go to for help; the team is made up of me and one other worker who is so incompetent that I feel like I’m doing half his work for him, and that’s it. We have no service manager and no line manager and we are literally the only two people in my entire county who know how this service works. About a year ago we moved buildings and were supposed to change line managers along with that but basically the line manager we were supposed to get didn’t want us and the line manager we had before didn’t want us back. So since then we have been kind of floating along trying our best to keep this service running. The job itself is pretty mind numbing, it’s basic data processing and is really monotonous and also really quiet. Some days I struggle to keep my eyes open, most days I spend a good two or three hours with nothing to do. I feel like it's draining what little confidence I had. The skills needed are so basic and the work so repetative and mind numbing that I feel like I have lost all the skill that I had before, I used to be quite good at dealing with customers for example but now the thought of that over whelms me. I also feel like I am slowly losing my mind, it is taking me longer and longer to solve problems that I used to be able to do in seconds, I'm forgetting things I have known for years and my basic ability to think has slowed right down.

I am facing a decision. I recently put in a job application, totally not expecting to hear anything. It has a 2 year training program with a qualification and (I think) guaranteed job at the end of it. It would also raise my salary by over a grand each training year and then again when I get the qualification, so I would go from just over the 18k I’m on now to almost 22k in three years and then a raise of £500 each year after that to a total of 29k. (I should stress that I don’t have any qualifications at this point, I have never been to Uni) Honestly this is the only way I can see that would have me earning that kind of money within the next decade. I got an interview. And it suddenly hit me that I might actually get this job and I don’t know if I can cope. It sounds completely different from what I’m doing now. Very strict targets and deadlines, a lot more pressure and basically a lot more work and now my anxiety has shot through the roof. Every time I think about the job and the interview I feel sick but I cant stop thinking about it. The job I am in just now is so mind-numbing that that coupled with my depressions etc has completely sapped my confidence in my ability to actually work at a normal job. I know I should in theory leave but I don’t know that I can bring myself to do it.

I also recently found out that because I earn under 25K I can study at an online university for free (thank you Scottish government). I love learning and always regretted never going to uni but I have never felt like I was smart enough. I thought that since I have so much spare time at my current job that maybe I could use some of it to help with studying. This time it wouldn’t matter so much if I wasn’t good because even if I failed I would still have a job. Plus I could study something that is actually kind of interesting rather than training in something I don’t care about for the money. But I really could use the money. I was still partially supported by my parents but now we have fallen out and the have stopped giving me money so I'm stretched really thin.

I just don't know what to do. I really dislike my job and want to leave but I'm afraid that this new job will be too stressful and I wont be able to handle it.

I could really do with some advice/opinions etc. I'll take whatever I can get, not knowing what to do is really wearing me down. I'm sorry this post was so long and I rambled on so much, thank you for just taking the time to read it.

[Skeezyks]

I see you posted this several days ago. So perhaps some of the decision-making, with regard to this has already occurred? I don't honestly know what to tell you about this. It's the type of quandary most, if not all, employed persons face at one point or another in their working lives. Do I leave a job I know I can do, but that I dislike, to go to a new more challenging job with better pay & risk the possibility that it won't work out & I'll be left with nothing? Or do I just hunker down & play it safe?

There's simply no real answer to this one way or another. You could take the new job & it could turn out great... or you could fall flat on your face. On the other hand, you could stay where you are & just become even more stultified. The good thing about staying where you are for the time being is that at least you have what is, apparently, a reliable income. Plus you have the opportunity to attend college on-line. (Of course this assumes you'd have the motivation & self-discipline to succeed studying on-line.) And, from what you wrote, it sounds as though you really don't have anything to fall back on if you were to take the new job & it were to not work out. It doesn't sound as though you have anything of any consequence in terms of savings. And you can't fall back on you parents.

You mentioned struggling with depression. One thing I guess I'm not clear about is whether depression is something you struggled with prior to getting the job you now have, or if it is something that has developed while you've been in the job. This may, or may not make a difference in the whole scheme of things. But, personally, I think I would be more inclined to encourage you to get out of the job you have now if it seemed as though the job was the cause of your depression. On the other hand, if your depression pre-dates your having gotten into the job you have, then it seems to me at least that it's more of a separate issue. (It still has to be taken into consideration. But, in that case, it's not necessarily like leaving the job you have now is going to make your depression disappear, if that makes any sense.)

Anyway... in the end... there's really no way I can suggest what you should do here. There are potential benefits, as well as pitfalls, to both staying in the job you have as well as to taking the new job were it to be offered to you. (Perhaps this option has already been resolved one way or the other?) I personally am a pretty cautious person. So I think if it were me I would probably stay in the job you have & start college. But that's just me. That doesn't make it the right decision for you. To some extent, I think perhaps one way to look at this is to think about where you want to be, both vocationallly & in terms of your life in general, say... 10 or 20 years from now. And then think about how each of these two options, or other options you may come upon in the future, contribute to achieving those long-term goals. I don't know if any of that is at all helpful. But hopefully I have at least provided you with some "food for thought", as the saying goes. My best wishes to you...