How do I deal with my boss in this situation??

I've been in my job for over a year. I work in digital marketing for a large global company in the apparel industry. I have 15 years of experience in my field of expertise.

At first, my boss and I got along fabulously. Everything was 100% positive in the first 3 months. I had been freelancing initially, and after just 3 months, they hired me on full time.

Very oddly, as soon as I was hired full time, my boss's boss, a female, told me in a meeting that I am "sharp". I think she meant that I can have a sharp tongue. I am very matter of fact , factual, and direct. in my communications, but I made sure to add lots of niceties in every email after that comment.

Also, very oddly, I've had to train my boss in my field of expertise over the last year. So our roles were kind of reversed. She is also 4 years younger than I am. We are both in our 50's.

Over time, I learned that my boss lies and talks out of both sides of her mouth. She will say one thing to me privately, and then on conference calls with 30 people, she will say the exact opposite. I've caught her giving loads of misinformation and outright lying on conference calls and in conversations. A couple of times, I've had to correct her, and even in front of other people on calls, because the misinformation could have been harmful to me professionally.

My boss was also bestest buddies with an incredibly arrogant and narcissistic 24-year old male junior colleague who used to challenge nearly everything I stated and implemented on the website. Now he's moved onto another internal role, but their close, buddy buddy relationship made me feel like my boss disliked me, after those 1st few months when everything was great. The two of them used to disappear to talk privately, excluding me, and I've always felt like they were complaining about me to each other.

Fast forward to today. My boss and I do not get along that great. We mainly talk strictly just business. I've had to stand up to her recently for micromanaging all of my written communications to higher ups. Nearly every communication I sent, she was emailing me privately to tell me what I should have said and should not have said. It became so bad that I had to confront it. I did this very respectfully and diplomatically over email (CYA).

I also am being reprimanded rather frequently. There are so many do's and don'ts in this company, and I was never properly onboarded when I first got hired, so I never know what the rules are.

The last reprimand came when I was referred via email to a VP who sits just beneath the Company CEO. It was purely innocent on my part. The VP had been cc'd on the email thread I was on, and I was told to contact her, so I did within the same email. That caused an uproar with my boss and her boss, and I got my wrist slapped. I didn't know. How was I supposed to know? They never told me that you're not supposed to contact higher ups like that, and in my past roles, higher ups were always accessible.

And now? Every day I go to work, I don't know what reprimand I will face next. I am doing my best work there, but I feel like I am walking through a field of unknown and unseen landmines.

I also am hoping to be promoted to a global role so I can get out from under my boss, but I don't know if that's even possible given my relationship with my boss.

I could be making assumptions about her feelings towards me, but I am also very perceptive and am picking up a tense and rather prickly vibe from her. I am sure it doesn't help that I am older than her and that I've had to train HER, vs the other way around.

The whole situation is JUST REALLY WEIRD, and I am not comfortable at all lately. I have made a couple of friends that I can confide in, but not many. I keep to myself and stay away from gossip and office chatter. I go to work, I keep my head down, and get the job done. That's what I am there to do. There's a lot of younger gossips there.

And, I've had trouble with direct managers in the past. This is not me being at all arrogant or full of myself, but I am smarter than the average person, I am highly ambitious and self-driven, and I am very successful in my work. Those directly managing me have frequently been inept, less intelligent than me, and not very successful, yet somehow they're in leadership roles.

So, I believe the rub boils down to envy from my direct managers, which is masking itself and coming out as hostility and/or retaliation. Sometimes I wish I was not that bright so I could get along better with managers above me who are less intelligent. But I can't help it. I am who I am, and I excel in my work.

So what do you do in this situation??

I DO try to make my boss feel good by giving her compliments when deserved. When she does coach me and is helpful to me, I am sure to say so and am openly thankful for her assistance. I include her in my thought processes and will ask her "so what do YOU think?", and I always am sure to validate and compliment her for good ideas. I also defer to her judgement and I make sure to let her know that I KNOW she is ultimately in charge.

Other than those things, I don't know how to make HER shine, when she doesn't know anything about my field of expertise and when I've had to train HER in all that I do?

Ultimately, I need and want a positive reference from her so that I can be promoted internally. BUT, right now, I fear that she is poisoning that possibility and is likely saying negative and snarky things about me and potentially to those above her who would make those decisions.

So what would YOU do? What should I do to ensure I get a good reference from her so that I can be promoted?

I think you're doing all the right things. The way you can make her shine, I think, is to shine yourself while keeping her in the loop

@SquarePegGuy, thanks so much for reading my post through and for offering your input and advice! Hugely appreciated. That's good advice, too, thanks!!

I wish you much success!

@SquarePegGuy, thank you soo much. You're very kind. I hugely appreciate your replies and support!

The struggle is an ongoing one with my boss.

I am constantly worried that I've written the wrong thing, said the wrong thing, or responded the wrong way, all because of how my boss treats me!!!! She frequently corrects me and coaches me on what to say and what not to say. Good grief! I am constantly walking on eggshells at work as a result, and I wake up worried about how the day will unfold, based on this alone!

Am I being abused again, and I don't even realize it?!?

I asked for candid feedback from a higher up on another team not too long ago on how I interact with her team since we work closely together.

She said that she hasn't heard anything negative. Yet, all I received from several members of her team was prickliness when I ran into them in our office a few weeks ago. I don't think the higher up Director of that team was honest with me. I am very perceptive, and I know I got a cold reception from those members of her team that day.

There's another colleague on that same team that I could approach for candid feedback on my communication skills. I will try that step next. I need to know what I am doing wrong and if I am rubbing people the wrong way.

This colleague DID tell me 2 months ago that I am shakings things up within the company, but in a good way that is only going to be beneficial.

One thing I DO know - people do NOT like change. And I am there, changing everything about how they market the company online. OYE. I have my work cut out for me...