It's only 7:30 your time, Art. Maybe finish the glass, find something to distract yourself? (Swimming would probably not be a good idea.). Go to bed early?

I dislike taking pills too! I take 6 vitamins every day. For me, it helps if I use a straw. Don't know the logic behind it but (excuse me) I fill my mouth through the straw and pop the pill back and swallow. It works great for me. I have a gag issue (excuse me again) somehow this bypasses it.

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Tired.
Can't sleep.
Not tired.
Don't want to watch TV.
Don't want to read.
Don't want to just lay here.
Blergity, blerg blerg blerg.
Muffins!

I think guilty pleasure is a ridiculous phrase, secret delights makes them more acceptable.

Feeling a bit better after the session this morning - I'm trying to internalise this, and the things we talked about, so the positive things don't get washed away by shameangersadnessshame, as they tend to do.

A late contribution to the discussion about genuineness: because (as discussed previously) I am not very good at knowing things about myself, how I come across to other people, and whether my reactions are understandable and human or over-the-top and unacceptable, my T is an important source of knowledge for me about these things. (I understand that this is not something that everybody wants from their Ts. I want this, and if I get it, all the better; if others don't want it, that's good for them.) If I did not trust that my T was being genuine and truthful in his responses to me, then the input I seek from him would be worthless. As it happens, I'm sure that he is genuine, not least because he does not offer reassurance or comfort, and he doesn't hesitate to tell me when my words include bovine manure. Hence I believe him when he tells me that he can understand reactions that make no sense to myself. If other people find it sad and/or offensive that that helps me, sorry, but that's their problem and not mine.

i have another doc apt today with an endocrinologist. my NP says that there is not much more she can do to help my diabetes. oh well here we go . did i say how much i hate docs but my NP did say if these people get my sugar under control she can take over again with the meds . my step mother had surgery for bladder cancer and had the appointment yesterday to get the biopsy results .as usual my upstanding father decides he needs to go on a fishing trip instead of support his wife . asks me if i will take her .i kind of made a face because i could see what is coming with all this .but asked what time . he got all huffy and said i needed to ask her and left . BUT then went back and told my step mother i didnt want to do it . anyway as he is having a great time fishing with his buddies im home with his wife getting the news that she has the rarer more aggressive form of bladder cancer and is going to need to go back to surgery in a few weeks giving time for this last one to heal so he can determine if the cancer has reached the muscle. if so they will need to remove the bladder . he told her it has been caused by smoking and she needs to stop .(she smoked 3 cigarettes on the 15 min ride home ) and my farther who did call to see how thing went but still felt no need to come home and support his wife. thats my job . am i horrible for not wanting this job especially if they have to remove her bladder . he wont care for her . she did nothing for me growing up except for kick me out the first chance she got when my father was not around to stop her . why do famlies have such a sense of entitlement when it comes to me . all of them do . give me money ,take care of me when im sick, and so on and so on . NONE of them did this for me .but it is ingrained in me to be the good daughter . i will begrudgingly do whatever is expected of me and come here and complain .or go to therapy and complain ,to which my T will respond by telling me not to do it . just not getting the point of how i cant . it is true that i am always in a state of anxiety and panic and anger .it is taking a horrible toll on my body . im tired and just so alone .the funny thing is noone would ever even think of helping me if i needed it in any way . you know thats what my husband is for .