Quote:
Originally Posted by Etcetera1
(I hope the length is OK, I haven't had a chance to organise my head to shorten my message to be to the point more. My apologies if this is hard to read, let me know and I will try to make it more concise in that case.)
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The length of your reply is fine with me. The way I see it, sometimes the scenic route is what gets you there fastest (or at all).
What I now see as the common theme in what I was saying about school and therapy, is that I thought my job in life was to decide
what situations (external or internal)
I should or shouldn't subject myself to because of the effects I could reasonably expect those situations to have on me. Simplistic example: if I were to hang out with that handful of thievish kids I knew from school, I figured I'd be more likely to become a thief myself. I didn't care much for the idea of becoming a thief so I made sure to avoid them. If I were to associate with kids who made fun of me it would probably lower my self-esteem (which was in short supply already), so anyone who made fun of me was on my **** list too. There turned out to be lots of people like that, so over time my **** list grew pretty long. If I were to join some notoriously-strict military organization I might develop some (more desirable) habits and get freed from other (less desirable) ones. Of course I might also get killed or injured, or become a killer myself. If I were to dig into my unconscious (with or without the guidance of a therapist), stir up all the memories that had ever bothered me, and send them to wherever bad memories go when they die, I might end up with only good memories and live happily ever after.
I eventually arrived (by the scenic route, of course
) at what seems like the polar opposite of that approach, and it now seems like the only approach that's ever worked for me. I guess it could best be summarized as "Start from where you are." I might look around, notice what I'm aware of and what my options are -- and then notice what I ended up choosing. Here are a few places where I've posted about the process in a little more detail:
Several years ago I learned that a group of psychologists including Steven Hayes and Marsha Linehan had been writing about similar approaches and even developing therapies based on them. Here's a book by Hayes that's oriented to the general public, not to psychologists in particular:
https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Mind.../dp/1572244259
Does this happen to ring any bells, push any buttons, pull any triggers, etc., for you?
I have not yet begun to ramble!
-- John Paul Jones FooZe