Determined? Disciplined?

I have determination in the sense that I will persist to accomplish what I have decided to do. But, I don’t necessarily consider it willpower, per se.

Often I will accomplish my task through denial of pleasures. I know what I need to do but I have a horrible time being motivated. Does this ring true with anyone?

I believe I lack self discipline or self motivation. But yet, as I said above, I am capable of persistence and/or determination.

I’m confused. Discussion anyone?

Motivation can be defined as a knowledge about HOW you get yourself to accomplish things, you seem to know you do so by denying yourself pleasures, that self knowledge will go a long, long way

I'm the same way - a bit of a procrastinator of sorts. So I deny myself pleasures as well until I do the task -it's kind of like being a 'tough love' parent to ourselves. I wish I could me motivated like a soldier everyday.

I was watching Oprah and it was one of her self improvement shows. They were talking about mindfulness and living in the moment. The guest was talking about drudgery tasks and how most of us hate to do them. She suggested that even if we're doing the dishes, to live in that moment and find goodness in the task - like I'm making my environment nicer to live in or I'm taking care of my family. They also talked about, how our living conditions often reflect our mental state. If our mental well being feels chaotic, then our house might be messy or disorganized. How many times do you find you're doing one task but totally thinking about something else.

I use the "Vickie" approach. I want pleasure and I want it now. Laziness is the way to go.

Where did you guys learn all those other awesome words?

Hi Notz

I'm determined too, but my close friends call it stubborn and bull-headed. I get angry when people assume I'm weak, incapable, or not allowed to do something.

Guess what I did yesterday - give up? I washed dishes! Yep, it's true. Dizzy head, bad eyesight, shaking hands - and not a single broken plate or glass...or fainting spell.

Maybe if I work hard enough I'll win an award from "The Good Wife's Guide" - maybe they'll even put me on the cover! Whatever will I wear?

Would you like to hear the beauty secret that worked for me yesterday? I told myself I couldn't do it, then I laughed at myself and said "Oh yeah? I'll show you!"

I put one foot on the ground, then the other - voila! Battle won - but the war isn't over.

Off to the kitchen. I picked up the green stem from a carrot on the counter and studied it carefully - wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with it, but it looked very difficult to wash. I finally decided it needed to go in the trash. Once I got started, it got easier - before I knew it, the dishes were done. Where they are now - who knows.

Motivation, determination and self-discipline used to come natural to me. It takes a lot of effort now. Not really much different than exercise though. The exercise builds your body, the burden builds your soul. Just don't let it turn you into Chicken Soup!

Why deny yourself pleasure while accomplishing your tasks? As bad as my feet were hurting yesterday, it felt good to have my feet on solid ground for a little while - and that little carrot stem was fascinating.

Determination was what got me through college with a change of major from music, which wasn't easy either with 8 hours a day of practicing with not getting better....that was what decided me on a change of majors.

From beginning (just out of highschool) to end (graduating with my BS in Accounting Information Systems with a computer science minor) it took me 8 years (for a 4 year degree). I was the kind of student though that if I had a test, that was all I could focus on if I wanted to get the A that I wanted. If I didn't aim for the A, I would end up with an F.....I had no inbetween mode. I know the denial it took to study to get the grade point average that I WANTED. During those 8 years, I did have some fun. I got married, with the highlight being a 5 week trip to Rome Italy where my husband was working during that time......I wandered around Rome & by the end, knew it better than my own backyard. I had my daughter, not that that was fun, but it was special. There were many times when my husband wanted to go somewhere while I was in the middle of studying & wasn't about to be bothered......so it created conflict....but I wasn't about to let go of my goal & end up with an F because I went & have fun that could really wait until after the test.

My career went the same way....I was focused & deadlines that took 70 hour work weeks were normal. However during that time, I always look my lunch hour to beat the snot out of the racquettball, playing racquettball with the guys I worked with. Sometimes the ball had the face of my manager on it or the lead engineer, or a difficult person I was working with.....but it relieved my stress & it won me brownie points with the guys (expecially when I beat them).

Now I don't have my career, I left my husband (I LEFT). Things are now done on MY TIME when I feel like it.....& sometimes on my dogs time when their tummies are growling because I forgot to feed them on time. I do the things that I want to do before I do other things because they don't matter. When they start to matter, then they get put on the "To Do list" & priorities get set by what seems to be the most important. Kitchen dishes need washed especially in the summer to keep the ants away (living on a farm in the country presents a whole set of issues I didn't have in the city). Food has to be put away to keep the mice away. Now I am driven by things needing to be done like mowing the lawn with my lawn tractor....I have to mow it before I can't drive through it.....need not determines getting things done.....many times I just don't do thinge until they absolutely NEED to be done.

I do feel better when I clean up a mess or clutter, or get myself organized the way I always was before in my life. It does feel better, but there are some days when I just don't care & until I care, I usually don't bother.

For me, I have been lucky because I always have a point where I do care..it's just a little farther between the caring than it was before. When I stop caring is when I know I am in trouble....which is what happened when I lived with my husband.....I quit caring about everything & I didn't like the way I felt......the move made a difference in caring.....but I don't have the energy or the drive to make it happen as often as I used to.....so life goes on & nothing is worse for my not getting some things done sooner than later.

If it doesn't make a difference, don't sweat it until it does.

This is eskielovers new style of living. I have another friend that has her farm out in the country. She says how good it is all the work I do.....she looks at those things on her farm & can't figure out how to do them, so doesn't bother....she says at least I get started & work on it slowly.....better than not working on it at all.

It's all in the perspective.....all in the need & how you feel about leaving things undone. I think it's ok to wait until something bothers you to end up doing it as that is really when it finally needs to be done....so what's the problem with that?

One can be determined & disciplined on a different time schedule than someone else & it's still ok.
Eskielovers philosophy on life

Junerain,

I've always thought of motivation as what "energizes" me. If I break a task into parts, then is that part of the execution of how?

Thank you.

I have motivation to start tasks-I just can't always seem to follow through.

With things like housework, I'm usually okay. I'll have certain chores I want to get done and I'll do them. Perhaps I might fart around a bit first or take little breaks but by the end of the night, they will get done. Usually anyway. Lately I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed with being unemployed, living back home with my parents and not feeling like I have much control.

However, when it comes to a more long term committment? Forget it. For example, I want to go back to school for journalism yet, I can't seem to get my act together to sign up for classes at the local community college. I've been mentally writing out a story I have been wanting to write for nearly a year now-and I've started numerous times but never follow through to the next day, or the next week. Thus, the story is still yet to be completed.

I can relate to this especially in terms of my weight loss efforts. That is all I want to say though.
(((Notz)))

It sounds to me as if the part of you that knows what you "need" to do is not the part of you that chooses what you actually will do (and when).

When I experience anything of the sort I mostly disregard what I know and what I need to do, and figure out what I'm really up to by watching what I do do.

I said a little more about this in my procrastination post last May.

FooZe,
(thanks for the link to your procrastination post. I did read it)

I agree with you saying, I know what I "need" to do is not the part of me that actually chooses what and/or when I will do it.

For the sake of higher learning, let's assume I know plenty and I know what I need to do. Further, let's say I have no denial about what I'm really up to. Where then, do I get motivation to "jump start" me, if you will?

What say ye? Or any who for that matter!

When I find myself in a situation like that, I usually conclude that what I'm up to is -- ready for this? -- waiting for a jump start and/or wanting to be doing something else.

If you know what needs doing and have the tools to get it done, you've already got that determined face. Maybe you can follow the lead of track stars.....

Ready....Set....GO!!!

Folks - look at her run!!!

GOOOOOOOOO Notz!!

Hmmmm

You can't run at high speed and expect to win the marathon. The task before you, and it's completion, is not the marathon. It's just a hurdle in your way. Don't jump that hurdle until you are fully prepared and balanced - when the time is right, you'll feel it in your heart and soul.

If you feel it in your heart/soul and know the time is right, give yourself a swift kick in the pants to get off your butt. Before you do, consider carefully the consequences of jumping that hurdle. It's not the time to be a jackass and risk it all. Be sure you have the balance and ability to clear that hurdle and face what is coming next - it never ends. If you jump that hurdle, you'll get the chance to move to the next exciting adventure life has to offer. Your cup will be filled when it's all over.

Have you ever watched thoroghbreds race at the track? Have you ever seen one with four healthy legs give up mid-race and start grazing in the fields? I haven't.

Have you ever watched livery horses race in the woods? Even though they are shackled, every once in a while they will race like the wind with a little motivation from their peers. But you can't whip it into them because they can be stubborn. They know when to give it their all, and they know when to stop and graze.

Competition isn't really necessary though when it comes to your tasks in life.

Have you ever seen horses in the wild? They give it their all too, but they work together. The only time they compete is when it's absolutely necessary. The only time they run is when a storm is brewing. They appear to be more at peace when they are grazing on grass, enjoying the sunshine and singing Zippity Do Da.

Geesh, thanks a LOT Noooooooootz - now you're making me want to ride horses again! Guess what? I have to stay home and attempt to wash the dishes again. Maybe I'll find a horse on one of those plates or inside a cup. Wish me luck!

I want to come to your house KathyM if you find a horse in side a cup. But I'm hoping you actually find 2 so we can go riding off into the sunset....or something like that. I know that all sounds like complaining, the truth is, I kind of like being home and not working too. I'm my own best company most days and happy when I can get into something I like to do, like some sewing, etc. Mostly I watch TV, cook, clean dishes, my new thing has been to keep the dust off the glass topped coffee table.

Motivation is a huge problem for me as well. I've done a good job with doing dishes for the past few months though. Most days I'm bored and I really hate that. When I have something to do, or somewhere to go, or someone to visit with, I feel as if I have a reason to get up in the morning. Dishes are my priority lately. Being bored is a signal for me to do something, anything, but do something.

Since I've not worked, 18 months and counting, I just sort of exist from day to day. I'm okay as far as my "mood" most days, but have an unfullfilled sense about myself and that makes other things harder to do. I used to work 2 jobs, go to school and have my family - now.................... When I look for work I see jobs like "Sr. Synthetic Radar Analyst, or Siperian Developer wanted...I don't even know what the hell those are. I feel like a dinasauer.

I love something to stimulate my brain so I don't feel so stupid (on bad days)and boring. You know what I mean? It's all a cycle sort of thing. But I do get my dirty dishes and kitchen cleaned up most days!

Need to go do some dusting, I think I have dead bodies upstairs on my end tables.

Shall we go for a spin???

........"Like a Rhinestone COWGIRRRRRRRRRRRL!!"

I got the horses!!!! & the farm....you should see them race through the fields when they are just grazing at times....somehow, they just get the urge to race around & kick up their heels & wonder at times if they won't just go sailing over the fence.

On the little stuff around the house, I know that when I have something coming up or someone coming over to the house.....that's my kick in the rear to get things done....I get what I can done before then & give up on the rest.

As far as long term goals go & motivation for that....I don't know that I would have it in me anymore. I pushed & pushed myself when I was young to get my degree & to excell as a firmware engineer......when I lost that, I lost the ability to look at long term goals with any sort of drive. Guess mentally at that point, I got to the place of retirement. I can deal with daily stuff, but no long term anything. I just can't get myself to go there. Not that at 56, I couldn't start something new, I just don't have the energy, nor the ability to focus at that level anymore....& I don't have the drive to want to go through that amount of effort at this point in my life.

Been there, done that & just don't want to put that kind of effort into anything like that again. Think I will just stick to doing all the repair work around my farm. Having no money to hire anyone....it's a DIY sort of thing since I left my husband....it's more than enough to keep me busy the rest of my life without adding anything else to it.

I started something that I thought I would be able to do....everything ended up distracting me & my lack of focus really showed up.....I now realize that what I am capable of isn't always what I think I am capable of based on past expriences when I had been able to things like that in the past. Sometimes we have to figure out what our NOW is all about & maybe the NOW isn't really what we think it should be which is why we can't get the kick start to happen.

Just more thoughts on the subject.
Debbie

Elkie,

nothing like having someone visit to get the kick you need! I know that feeling all too well and tell my husband it's a good thing the kids come once in a while!

What you said is so true of me also, re: used to do so much, not don't do much. The NOW is the reality, and I am not sure about the future much at all.

Sometimes reality sucks and other times (most of the time) it's okay and then every now and then it's great. I like the way you think about it. Thanks.

It seems that you have discipline and determination both:I am much the same way. Once I decide on something, I am 110% into seeing it through. This is not neccasarily a problem: I actually think I am very lucky to have the ability to not give up in my quest, whatever it may be.

I just can't go on without quoting William James (1891):Now back to business...
If we assume all of the above and you still find yourself waiting/wishing for motivation, then we have a paradox.

I've long suspected that quite a few paradoxes center on what we "need" to do. For openers, I submit that if we really needed to do it we'd already be doing it -- so there would appear to be something we need even more than we need to do whatever it is that we're not doing. Resisting doing it would seem to be a way, possibly a maladaptive one, of addressing that need. How's this for an example: I need to shine my shoes but even more than that, I need to show you that you can't make me shine them.

Ouch!

Acting Out?????

I must think about your response FooZe before I have a better reply. Thanks.

I hope others continue to post. It's nice to hear from all.

Although garden-variety acting out could be among the scenarios I'm talking about, just calling a behavior "acting out" doesn't make it that.
-- BrainyQuote (ouch!)

I think part of our paradox here comes from mixing different kinds of motivation and terminology, especially moral and, er, psychological. For instance, if you "need" to do something not only to get it done but to prove that you're not "lazy" or "sloppy" or "acting out" or something, you're just asking for the occasional motivational conflict.

A good way around that is to shine them before anyone else notices they need shining. It's important to stay in the moment, but it doesn't hurt to think ahead and be prepared. So, do you spend your days dancing around making sure no one steps on your Blue Suede Shoes?