[Raynaadi]

I love reading everything you say. You speak so nicely! Please tell me you're a sponser? If you're not, you should be. Just had to share. =)

Rayna

[shadowalker164]

Rayna…
You are so very kind. Thank you.
It's funny you should ask if I sponsor. I have a big book I bought my first day in the rooms, from the guy that was to become my grand sponsor. In it I keep post-it notes. I have the names and addresses of each guy I have worked with on them.
Names, phone numbers, and any other pertinent info, what step he was on etc.

Sometimes when I look at all those names, I wonder where they are today.
OK, I know where a few of them are. Two of them are dead.
One ODed, and the other one killed himself behind the wheel of a car.
Two tragic tales of waste.
Another guy that I gave a two year medallion to is sitting in jail as I pen this.
There are a bunch of other guys that I just don't know where they are. Somewhere along the line, they just changed their minds.
And there is this one guy, a guy I didn't give much of a chance to in the beginning, who just keeps staying sober month after month.
I am the worst one on guessing who will get it and who won't.

I went to my sponsor and told him that I wasn't having much luck at getting other guys sober, that I thought that I had failed. He looked at me kind of funny and asked if I had had been drinking.
I told him, No!
Then he said, then just how do you think you have failed? You didn't drink.
Sometimes it's just as simple as that.

I really do sometimes wish there was a magic wand that I could wave.
Just magically flip that mental switch in another man's mind that is the spiritual awakening.
I can't get anybody else sober Rayna, I can't even get myself sober.

For me, the magic word is gratitude. I stay grateful for the gifts I have been given.

And every guy I ever sponsored taught me something. Every time I take a guy through the steps, I go through them myself. More will be reveled.

On the road to the good stuff,
Richard S.

[Raynaadi]

I've heard tales from people who've had sponsees die and it's so sad. I can't imagine what that's like. I met with my sponser this morning finally for the first time and we went over our first steps. It was crazy to hear about hers. She doesn't seem like the kind of person who would have done all the stuff she did....makes me realize just how incredibly lucky I am that I caught it early. The "yets" definetly keep me going. To hear the drunken tales of other's scares the crap outta me. I wonder why I was chosen to notice my problem early, why I didn't suffer the consequences of so many. I've never had a relationship with god, and it's questions like that that have kept me from having that relationship. I guess I should just be thankful that I was chosen, and remember that every day. I actually went to my old liquor store and told the owner I quit drinking. He was very happy for me. I don't know what compelled me to tell him. He's one of those jolly older guys that I looked forward to seeing when I made my beer run. It's so wierd the things I'm compelled to do now. And I feel like when I smile, that I'm really smiling, instead of just a smile to be polite. Everyday there are new miracles. Everyday is so amazing. I hope I don't fall off the pink cloud. I don't know if I'm really on a pink cloud. It's all so new and confusing, but the funny thing is, I'm ok with that, and so relaxed. I take it a day at time and what happens happens. It's such a great feeling. And being able to talk to people like you has been such a blessing. And to see Ryan on the same road now....ah it's wonderful! Anyway, I'm just rambling now. =) Thanks.

Another day in paradise,
Rayna

[BamaSurvivor]

Shadow, everytime I read your posts, I think of my sponsers 'co sponser' David, who helps me more than my actual sponser so I call him my sponser. lol Your words always touch me and make me think about my sobriety. How deep into my sobriety I really am and how much deeper I'm willing to go... I honestly sometimes don't take my sobriety as serious as I should, and I've been ashamed for that. But seeing your posts make me want to take it as serious as I should. It makes me want to go that extra step to better myself each day. Your posts give me hope that someday I can be where you're at and be so grateful for it. You're truely a great person, thanks for giving the kind yet truthful advice around here. We need more people like you.

[shadowalker164]

Bama…
I was in a meeting the other day and we were all laughing about this guy’s DUI tale, a drunken episode that almost anywhere else would be a sad statment of loss and failure. We were all just hooting at his telling of his story.
Then this guy with more than 30 years said something that I feel is very important. He said “If you aren’t having fun, you aren’t taking this program seriously enough”.
I love that.
Bama, I think from what little I know about you, that you are just fine. This spiritual path we find ourselves on is a long one. There is no destination, it’s the path itself that is the reward. Where you are is exactly where you are supposed to be. And where you are going is also exactly where you are supposed to be going.
Relax, smile and maybe even laugh out loud.

Remember to enjoy the ride on the road to the good stuff,
Richard

p.s.
In a very real sense, we are what we say we are,
maybe “hope Consumes Me...”

[BamaSurvivor]

Thanks shadow! I often times tell people that my jokes and sarcasm keep me that one small step from complete insanity. So I make jokes a lot, some about my sobriety. I've gotten laughs out of it but I've also gotten those cold looks that tell me, "This is no joke." So I'm always confused on what I should and shouldn't say.

I am taking my recovery more seriously in the fact that I'm trying a lot hard to work the steps. Things are going really well right now, I think a lot of it is due to my better understanding of the steps and accepting them.