my husband

I can really hear your desire to get better. That is wonderful.

The next step is to build a plan. Its very hard to build a plan on your own. I would advice you to look for a counsellor or a support group who will support you in building a plan, help you to implement it and give you tools, encouragement and insight.

They will also help you identify barriers to change and think of ways to tackle them. Such as - your mother in law (who sounds very unhealthy to me. she does everything she can to enable dependency and keep people where she wants them. she control everything. including you. she treats you like a child. you are not a child. she encourages your drink and wants you to serve as a drinking buddy. the truth is that she is using you.)
Also - your lack of self esteem and lack of confidence as well as your thought process.

I know you want to change. I know you want to take the steps necessary - please seek help. If you dont - you will end up deeply depressed and unhappy, drunk and child-like all your life. You deserve a better future!

kadesgirl09, good luck. I hope you find a way to make is work.

Hi (((((((kadesgirl)))))))),

When I was in a similar vicious cycle, I ended up trying AA as a way to stop drinking. I didn't know what else to do, and I figured I didn't have anything to lose by just checking it out and giving it a try.

Once I stopped using alcohol to deal with my problems, I HAD to find other ways of dealing with them, and I slowly made a lot of positive changes in my life (started therapy to deal with childhood trauma, learned about boundaries, etc). For me, I couldn't make the changes until I stopped drinking. While I was drinking, it was too easy to just let myself stay in crappy situations and numb myself to deal with it.

I don't know if that helps, but that's my experience.

yeah AA is out of the question... been there done that and for drugs and alcohol in the past... it helped but it doesnt solve the problems that are deep rooted... i mean it could i guess for some people and i stayed clean and sober for just over a year with AA, (rehab etc) but I found it easier to quit on my own (the drugs) because I dont even have the desire for that crap anymore... and I wasnt drinking often either for over a year... just recently it became a habit... but my mother-in-law has agreed to not drink Mon-Thur (which is a HUGE deal since she drinks a case of beer a night.. by case I mean 18 pack) anyways she is going to cut down during the week o its not in the house and a temptation to me... If that doesnt work and i cant go 4 days without beer every night then I will get my butt back in therapy asap. but ive never been the one to say lets get beer.. im the one that says sure ill join you... i will so let you guys know how it turns out.

and as for my hubby... hhhmmmm... i think he may have hacked into my account and read these posts because he has been very sweet this weekend... like using his money to get my nails and toes done and getting me another dog that i reallly wanted and not talking down to me at all... weird... well see how long that lasts as well

just wanted to give an update:

I finally quit drinking sunday night. I will deal with hubby and children some other way than drowning my sorrows 3 days later and my depression is starting tp lift... YEAH!

Good for you, kadesgirl09.