[Raynaadi]

I'm suffering from program burnout. I've been working 50 hours a week and by the time I'm done with work I want to just go home and lay in bed and relax to the tv. I never have the motivation to read my big book, write, do stepwork. I've been on the phone a lot less. I'm on my 8th step, but so far the only person on my list is my grandma, and I haven't made the amends to her yet. I brought all this up in a meeting last night. The only reason I even went to the meeting was because I was hanging out with my friend and we were crossstitching and she wanted to go, so we went together. I got some great suggestions, like trying different meetings, setting up a schedule with my sponser so I know when I need to have stuff done, stuff like that. I have done some different meetings, and I realized also that I had switched sponsers right after my 5th step, so I'm thinking maybe I need to go back to 4 and 5 with my new sponser. I'm in a tough situation because my homegroup is very far from home, but close to work, so it's tough to make it on weekends, and my sponser lives over there as well and right now she only has time on the weekends because she's getting ready to start school (she's a teacher). I realized last night that I need to call my sponser and suggest working back in the steps, and telling her to give me dates to have things read, but I can't seem to find the motivation to call her. I've been up for awhile and haven't gotten anything done. I usually do laundry on sundays. I'm being so slothful right now and I know that. I just never feel like I have time to just do nothing. People scared me last night though when they said they related, that they pulled away from the program too, and they drank. I don't want to do that. I don't want to drink, but they said they didn't either. They said the problem was, by pulling away from the program, they didn't have the defense against the drink when the situation presented itself. I have 99 days today, and I know that a lot of people start balking and end up drinking again after they pass the 90 day mark. I don't want to do that. Experience strenth and hope?

~Rayna

PS-No one's in chat, haha, maybe I'll actually call my sponser now.

Rayna,

Sorry you are feeling burned out-- it must be very tough. I hope you are doing better today. You are entitled to some slothy-type days, you've been working so hard at it.

I have an older sister that has made it for 8 years-sober and a brother that won't even take the first step-- so I understand a little.

Be gentle to yourself and remember- when others scared you by saying how they related and pulled away and drank-- that is them-- not YOU. You are your own self and can make your own choices-- because some falter doesn't mean all do!

I wish you much peace in your mind and hope you are doing OK. You can PM me if you like.

Thinking of you,
Mandy

[shadowalker164]

I was going to post on strange brew’s thread about all of us being teachers. We all are teachers and we are students all the time whither we want to be or not. Neville is a teacher of where self will takes us, and a teacher of the fruits of blind denial. Of his lack of seeing what part his victim-hood played in how his life turned out. He is paying a heavy price to carry that message to us, it is our responsibility to see that it does not go to waste.
Rayna, you said it better than I when you said “If you're not the problem, there is no solution” With your permission, I will use that one like I wrote it myself. That’s really good.

Then I read that you were feeling a little burned out. Again, we are not alone. Every man or woman who has spent any time at all around the rooms has felt that way. It’s human nature. Our enthusiasm for this program waxes and wanes as time goes by. But the old-timers I listen to the hardest have one thing in common, they stay convinced.

Have you heard of the HALT saying? Don’t get hungry, angry lonely, or tired? Maybe working all those hours is part of your feelings of burn out. Eat well, get as much rest as possible ask for help, and say thank you when you get it, And hold on to the thought “I don't want to do that. I don't want to drink.”

If you were thorough with your step work, you don’t need to redo it with your new sponsor, can if you want, but don’t have to. Keep moving forward, take a woman with less time than you to a meeting, and after the meeting, go get a piece of pie with her. Put yourself out a little, be a little inconvenienced. I guarantee while you are listening to her tell you about her troubles, you will be as far from a drink as you will ever be.

And relax, you are right where you are supposed to be. And you are going right where you are supposed to be going.

Your friend on the road to the good stuff,
Richard

[BamaSurvivor]

Can't agree more with shadow... Everyone gets a little burned out from time to time if they've been in recovery for any amount of time. I have to drive an hour each way to get to my recovery group every Tuesday and Thursday and often times I just feel like I want to stay at home and not drive that far that day. But I push myself to the limits and go anyway... And you know what? After I get there, I have a great time and learn so much.

You're doing a fantastic job thus far with your sobriety. Keep it up!

[Raynaadi]

Thanks everyone. I managed some writing today at work. I got a new notebook and colored pens so it makes it a little fun doing the 8th step. I rewrote my grandma and added another person. I haven yet to be able to talk to my sponser, but I'm feeling a little better today. I went to a woman's meeting yesterday; that was good. Had dinner with grandma tonight, so that was good. I have 100 days today. Is it me, or should there be a chip for 100 days?? That seems like such a long time compared to 90. I mean come on! 100!! 100 dollars, 100 years, 100 pairs of shoes, 100 jellybeans. 100 is huge! I'm so exausted. Ah, but I had to get on and see what ya'll had to say. Richard, the problem/solution thing is from my sponser. Nothing I say is out of my own mouth! Haha. Ok, bed now. =)

~Rayna

[BamaSurvivor]

Rayna, congrats on 100 days! (Well, 101 now, I think lol) That's amazing... Yes, I'd like for there to be a chip for 100 days... Maybe they'll get one one day. Today is 263 days clean for me, boy has it been tough. But it's been so worth it!

[shadowalker164]

100, or 101, that is a lovely number indeed. I quarantine there are other women reading this that wish with all there hearts that they could go 101 days without a drink of drug. You may be the only copy of the Big Book they ever see, and in my opinion, you are a fine one.

And Stacy, I am so happy you dropped that “loneliness consumes me” tag line.
I never liked that one. We can associate any thought we want with ourselves, but I believe we are building our reality out of the thoughts we hold.

I am so proud of both of you,

Richard

[BamaSurvivor]

Yeah, I've learned some things about myself and part of that learning was that I was making the choice to be lonely, and I could change it. So I changed my tag line to something my sponser told me. It fits.

Ray, we're with you. xoxox pat

[Raynaadi]

I'm with Shadow, the tagline is much better bama =). My 101th day was better hehe. I was looking forward to the meeting again. It's really helped varying my meetings. Going to different ones. Seeing new faces and hearing new words of wisdom. I'm going to a woman's meeting tomorrow that I really like. Made a date with my sponser for Saturday, so now I know how much time I have hehehe! Probably end up writing my 8th step Friday, just like writing papers at the last minute in college. Old habits die hard. I do my best work under pressure, haha excuses excuses. At least I'm on the road to getting back in the swing of things. I shared at the meeting tonight about my fear of the "90 day relapse". At least I've seen a lot of people say they relapsed after their 90 day mark. My group hates the word relapse though. But anyway, off topic. Haha, point is, feeling better today, AA burnout dissapating. Thanks for all the kind words everyone!!!

~Rayna

[Eva1nder]

((((((Ray)))))))

I'm glad to hear you are doing better. I haven't been to active on the boards ...feel like I'm behind on all you guys

I miss yah!

Eva

[Raynaadi]

Miss you too Eva!