[mgfour]

I have borderline personality disorder and can go for months without overspending but then something happens and I'm in the malls again. Credit is aways there. I'm so sick of myself.

[Leed]

Hi ~ Have you ever thought about why you do this? What are you thinking about when you go on a shopping spree? Does this make you feel better about yourself, and how?? Do you feel prettier? Do you feel better than others? Do you feel 1st class instead of maybe "coach?"

What triggers these sprees? Do you know? Is it a fight? Something on TV? Is it the way you look?

How do you feel after the spree? Do you feel guilty? Shamed? Disappointed? Upset? Mad?

An addiction is a disease, and can be treated. This must be very difficult for you, because if puts you deep in debt.

Have you seen or talked to a therapist? If not I would suggest that you call and make an appointment with a trained counselor. With a little work, this can be treated!! Just like alcoholism, you can go into recovery!! Take it a day at a time, and be focused on what you're doing and try to notice what triggers these sprees. I wish you the very best - but please make that call. Keep us posted on your progress! God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[madisgram]

often times imho ppl shop to fulfill some other need in their lives. it gives them a quick rush of happiness. unfortunately it's just that...quick and not lasting. the real need is not fulfilled.
(i on the other hand am bipolar. when i'm in mania i shop way too much and purchase things i don't need. at the time of purchase tho it seems the absolute best decision. have had to return items after i level out and say why in the world did i buy that????)
so is there something going on in your life that is not where you wish it to be?
sounds like this is cyclic too. could you have moments of mania?

[Gus1234U]

dear MGFour,, been there, done that.. with me it was bipolar too, mania, euphoria, poor impulse control, bad decision making,, none of them related to my total isolation and profound loneliness, i'm sure ~!~ (JOKE) hope you find some supports to take away your credit, hold you down and sit on you, whatever works~! best wishes,, Gus

[mgfour]

Thank you all for your replys! I know exactly why I am an addict. All of the above suggested, mania, a high when the puchase is made (a low when I need to return some), Guilt, shame, and on and on. I've had a wonderful therapist for years. The only thing she can't really have success with me is my hatred of myself. Borderline. There is something out there called Lifetime Integrated Therapy. It is very intense and takes a long time, but she is trained and thinks highly of it. We'll give it a try soon. In the meantime Low self esteem, dislike of oneself or in my case, actual self loathing are at the bottom of it and therefore I'm sick of myself. Any thoughts on this?

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by mgfour

Thank you all for your replys! I know exactly why I am an addict. All of the above suggested, mania, a high when the puchase is made (a low when I need to return some), Guilt, shame, and on and on. I've had a wonderful therapist for years. The only thing she can't really have success with me is my hatred of myself. Borderline. There is something out there called Lifetime Integrated Therapy. It is very intense and takes a long time, but she is trained and thinks highly of it. We'll give it a try soon. In the meantime Low self esteem, dislike of oneself or in my case, actual self loathing are at the bottom of it and therefore I'm sick of myself. Any thoughts on this?

ok, i'll try. why do u have low self esteem? why do u dislike yourself? self loathing? sick of yourself? can u describe what makes you feel these ways about self? do you have actual proof of those ideations?
in my own quest for understanding myself i absorbed what my family felt that i was. thus, i had a lot of "bad tapes" running in the background regarding myself that weren't truth. in therapy i learned how to look at who i thought i was, be that, and throw out the bad tapes for the most part and replace them with facts rather than other ppls opinion of me or my own distorted viewpoint. i wasn't such a horrible person afterall.
another term i like is we have irrational beliefs of ourselves. there's a book out by dr. ellis that explains how to convert irrational thoughts with rational ones anout self. it helped me a lot. example-i'm not a worthwhile person unless everyone likes me. well of course EVERYONE may not like me but does that make me less worthy? why, no.
hope this helps.

[(JD)]

I think part of that "high" when you purchase something is a type of self-medicating...the endorphins dump into your system then, and you feel better.

As for low self esteem... well, I have a different take on self esteem in that I say we can't personally increase our own self esteem by "working on it". When we give to others, when we voluteer, or otherwise help others, that reward is feeling better about ourselves, our self worth etc.

Just my POVs.

[devilishfiend]

I don't know what disorder I have. I do shop and overspend in binges. I can go months and build up some saving and not shop. Then bam! I find this good reason and binge shop, deplete my savings and drain my credit cards. I've noticed it can be directly related to my maladaptive daydreaming. When I get really frustrated with not being able to stop my other addiction daydreaming. I start excessively shopping as well.

I know its a coping mechanism and I even know why I do it yet I'm still helpless when my overspending strikes!

Odd I saw this because I just wrote it in my blog. Must have manifested this heh. C

Check it out! eludemyfantasy.blogspot.com

I have only been recently *****ing about my MD now today I added my shopping.

Originally Posted by mgfour

I have borderline personality disorder and can go for months without overspending but then something happens and I'm in the malls again. Credit is aways there. I'm so sick of myself.