[BamaSurvivor]

"Consumed By Meth"

Meth,
It takes lives everyday.
I'm bound by this drug,
But have a high price to pay.
Everywhere I turn,
Meth follows me there.
I ask for someones help,
No one seems to care.
I was bound by this drug,
For almost two years.
Got into recovery,
No longer sheding guilty tears.
Now I've relapsed,
Dope consuming every part of me.
Will I ever be able to pull away,
Will I ever be able to be free?
Who's going to win this battle,
Me or the dope?
Right now I'm really not sure,
But I'll continue to keep my hope.
Hope that one day I'll be able to live,
Live a happy, joyous, and free life.
So tired of everything going wrong,
So tired of the fighting and strife.
As long as the dopes around,
To my knees I will fall.
Giving dope my life,
Giving dope my all.
I hate myself so much for this,
But I can't see any other way.
Please help me God,
Yearing for my sobriety is what I pray.

Stacy R.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((((((bama))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[shadowalker164]

The ceiling at 2 in the morning

I can fool you,
I can even fool my wife.
I can fool myself at 6 in the evening
But not that ceiling to save my life.

I can talk a good game,
Make noises that pass for light.
I can run that game on you,
But not that ceiling in the dead of night.

God's greatest gift is pain,
my cup did run over with spite.
And never was that gift clearer,
Than on that ceiling late at night.

I could not hide from it,
I could not pretend it did not know.
The ceiling just stared down mutely,
At the mask less fraud below.

The truth will set you free,
Or so I have heard.
The ceiling was my teacher.
yet never uttered a word.

As I lay beneath it's gaze,
My last sham fallen away.
I came to that lowly place
Where failure alone holds sway.

In defeat I found freedom,
That great gift came without warning.
In loss a great victory was mine.
lying under that ceiling at 2 in the morning.

Richard

My heart breaks for you Stacy.
But then again, pain was God's greatest gift to me.

[BamaSurvivor]

That was beautiful, Richard. Thank you for sharing.

Today is day two of being clean. Went to my IOP meeting and got good feedback from my friends in there. I'm going to try with my all to stay away from the dope. It's hard to when my sister brings it in, but I'm just going to have to try avoiding her.

[shadowalker164]

Stacy, you talked about a plan to move to Florida. It doesn’t have to be Florida or anywhere else, but living under the same roof with an active addict is one of the hardest ways to go. You know that.

This is your life we are talking about.

Can you get and hold a job? Wal-Mart, a local restaurant, somewhere. Can you find a sober roommate to move in with? If you can do that, then find the local community college and start taking night classes. Get a degree in something. Nursing, accounting, business administration. Build a life that you can be proud of.

But into action honey, if you don’t change your environment, it won’t change.

Richard

[BamaSurvivor]

I draw a check for my mental illnesses. I've tried working and my anxiety is so bad I panic on the job and have even passed out on the job before because my anxiety was so bad. Working isn't cut out for me. I can't work under pressure and someone telling me what needs to be done, how it needs to be done, and when it needs to be done. It scares the hell out of me and I panic.

I am looking into housing around my area that is based on income, and I am looking for a roomate. No luck with that part yet. I do plan on taking college courses, but I plan on taking them at home. I can't be around a lot of people at one time and I probably would be if I went to a public college. I panic.

But until I can find a place of my own, I have to stay here and live with my sister. I cant change that right now... I have one friend in this area and her landlord won't let anyone stay more than 3 days with them. I'm really trying here... Haven't seen my sister much the past few days, today is day 3 of being clean again. I can't promise I'll be clean tomorrow because I don't know what tomorrow holds. But I can say I won't use today.

[mrb020377]

((((((((((((((bama))))))))))))))))

[BamaSurvivor]

((((( mrb ))))) Thanks!