I have just consumed several thousand calories..........

.......and purged it all up.. I can't stop this. I am just venting here. I don't know what to do. I thought I was getting a handle on it. Then trhe overwhelming feeling of ..I have eaten WAY TOO many calories hits me and I buy donuts and cram my face and then puke. I didn't even go to the gym. Then, for dessert, I swallowed a couple laxiess. I feel like I am one screwed up person....Why do I keep doing this????

Hey Beth, I just wish that I knew how to help you. thank you for thinking of me. Beth I consume my most favorite foods. anything you could think of, bagels, donuts, mcflurries, dbl chsburgers, PB and J sandwiches, granola bars, beth you name it, it is crammed in my face and then gone 5 minutes later. Gone, all of it. I go to the gym 6 days a week. but when i get home i am drained, when i wake up in the morning i tell myself that I am not going to throw up today but i still do it. I am soo sick and tired of it all. I just wish i could stop. I have gotten sooooo much help in the past, I am still paying for the help that didnt help. Beth you are not screwed up. dont think like that.I have been adicted to all laxiess, diet pills you name it I took it. I know how you feel and it does suck. I am here to chat anytime. your not alone.

Thank you, Kim. I know last night I went to the store and bought lots of donuts...got home ( I wanted to get rid of the Soy Milk I had because the new brand was 65 calories less per serving and I wanted to get rid of the bananas because I was drinking Grapefruit Juice) so I get home ate on the bananas with soy milk and the donuts in between....cramming my flippin face. I was so full I couldn't finish the glass of soy milk or finish the donuts...I made myself eat the frosting. Then dumped the rest down the garbage disposal with the soy and the last banana. My stomach couldn't take any more... Than I ran to the bath room and purged it all. Why did I go to the store intentionally planning to do this and why couldn't I just throw the food away instead of forcing myself to eat and purge. Why..I just don't get it. Today I had better self control and I went to the gym for 3 hours. Sorry to ramble on. all I know is that it is odd behaviour, but I can't control it. I wish you luck for today Chitsy as you begin with new ambition. Thanks for listening. - beth

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I can't stop this

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> This is a process, and part of it is to change what you say, and what you think. It's very tough to do isn't it!

You suffer with an eating disorder. If it was easy to control, it wouldn't be a disorder. But what you "do" is a symptom from another issue: that being a negative self image. I'm sorry you suffer. Keep trying to do your best, and work on changing your "self-talk." Even though you KNOW you don't believe good things about yourself, write them down, post them up, read them and tell them to yourself... you are worthy... you are not a bad person... you are a beautiful person... it takes time...
And don't "beat yourself up" with negative talk about yourself, and with frustration. You have a disorder. You're working on yourself. That's why you "do" this stuff, ok?

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i just had a %#@&#! major binge and i cant purge.... does anyone else get it sometimes when it just doesnt work??? Im climbing the walls here... i ate SO much in less than an hour and im now 5pounds heavier than before the binge... five pounds!! thats %#@&#! insane, disgusting and i am so completely revolting i hate myself. I just took some laxatives too chitsy... its so horrible isnt it being stuck in the cycles and trying so so hard but just not being able to escape.. i feel so all over the place right now, so much energy but im too full up to do anyhting i feel like i just want to kill myself, get it over with rather than continuing this miserable existence of stupid %#@&#! bulimia why cant i just have anorexia instead.... I HATE FEELING FULL UPP this is so hard.
sorry guys that this is a terrible post. sorry sorry sorry hope its not triggering....

I WILL get out of this one day.... one step at a time i tell myself and this is one step back after going two forwards... + + - = +

Agh feck.

Thanks for your advice Sky. And Amy don't apologize for the post. I have experienced that too. It is so darn frustrating. I ate 149 calories more than what I burnt at the gym and I am feeling so terribly guilty. So you know what i did...I ate a fricken cereal bowl FULL of strawberries....Hopefully it will work as a natural lax, but this cycle is very difficult to break. I know what it is to feel desperate, but hang tough the end has got to be out there. ((hugs)) to you both, Beth

hugs to both of you too..
this illness is one of the hardest things ive ever done, how do u guys manage it

x
x

I don't know how we "manage it" amy1101 or even if the following is considered "managing it". Thank you for your supportive hug. I am in the middle of another binge session with hopes to purge. (sorry) I just can't help myself. My stomach hurts and I am experiencing chest pain... BUT that still is not stopping me. I must eat till its gone - Why - I don't know THEN I must rid myself of the disgust. I can honestly say I can't wait until after the next step when all is said and done. Lately the frequency has increased similar to a ritual and I almost feel deprived if I haven't had the opportunity to binge and purge. Pretty wierd, hu!

Why, oh why, oh why? I did another b+p cycle last night, and this morning my face is swollen and my eyes puffy - more so than any other time. Now I really look disgustingly FAT! Fu**, I want my misery to end.... I am such a fat F. B.

I do not purge. However, I do go on binge eating from time to time and the bad thing it has caused me to put a whole lot of weight on. I thought about trying to starve myself or puke. However, most people feel guilty about their weight because our society is so consumed with body image-our media-models etc. My advice is try to talk to a therapist or physcian if you make yourself puke-you could have an eating disorder and there our treatments out there that can help. Also, be careful when taking laxatives because this may cause stomach problems and costant puking causes the esophagus-your throat to become irritated and may lead to throat problems. I know this because a friend of mine use to have an eating disorder and ran into problems because they puked constantly. Please, take care-and try not to let food cosume you all day long.

Thank you Social132. I, unfortunately, purge daily, and it is controlling my life at this time. I can't financially afford, nor take time off work to see a therapist at this time. So I am a slave to this crap. I know it does damage to my body, but that isn't stopping me. I don't know what will. Thanks for your advice. - Beth

hey Beth i know how you feel... im suffering with fat face syndrome, ive been binging for 2 days solid and just given up on purging throughout this bout.. i think im doomed to fattyhood, i will never be thin but the eating disordered voice in my head is saying do it do it restrict and get rid of all the fat.. but i just cant do it...
it sucks.. i just dont want to be controlled by an ed anymore, i dont want unhealthy thoughts..
binging is my least favourite part in the cycle too aswell as post binge when stomach is full..
hope u ok
hugs
x
x

"If it was easy to control, it wouldnt be a disorder"

Indeed

true fuzzybear, i haven't mastered the ability to control it, but some day I will!

I tried to leave the binge and purge cycle only to have it result in gaining a few pounds. I am forever stuck with chaos and disorder. Why? I hate it - its consuming power is drowning me!

I did it again. Please some one make my misery end. I am such a LOSER! I will never win this battle.

I feel your pain about going to the store intentionally to binge and then purge. i moved out of my parents house to avoid having junk in the house, and being in more control of what i was eating. When i needed to binge, i figured i wouldnt make the effort to drive to the store and spend the money. Wrong. I bought everything and anything i thought looked good, and was halfway through it all before i even got back home. Its so hard to try to control. even when my trigger foods arent in the house.

I so hear you. I often think that since I am in control of buying the food in my house I should have no issues. It should be easy. I'll just buy healthy sensible food. Right? Wrong....not happening. Usually yes, but when I binge it is like I am on a mission to fill up on the highest and easiest food to consume and that is all I can think about.

I know a easy way to lose the extra calories...
Have you ever thought of going to work with a big and heavy bag on your back? the kind we use when we tour . yeah, i mean weighted walking actully . it does work as long as you walk a long way to your work (more than a mile per day will do the job i think)

(((((((((((Beth)))))))))))))

I am sorry you're struggling right now. Living with an ED is not easy, especially when one really wants to be free from its grasp.

PM me anytime if you want to talk, okay? I can try to help if I can.