[XxLifexX]

I haven't been on lately, and I apologize for that. But I've been.... somewhere where I thought I'd never be again. For those of you who don't know I've been struggling with addiction for about two and a half years now. I'm fourteen years-young, and soon going to be 15. I mostly drink and smoke pot. I'm not going to stop smoking pot, as I can not see myself without it. However, there is a darker past to my story. One summer I got really into drugs. I tried just about everything. I wasn't afraid of anything. I felt on top of the world. It wasn't until I saw one of my bestfriends almost die, that I realized I had a problem. I eventually got off the pills, the dust, the everything. I still drank excessivly, and I still smoked. But that was it. I would slip up every once and a while. But hey, don't we all? Well... I recently made a very large mistake. Last weekend I was with my (now ex) boyfriend. We went to his friends house to celebrate the homecoming we didn't go to. My ex went out to buy cigarettes and it was just me and his friend and his girlfriend. There was a lot of alcohol. I hadn't been drinking lately. And I knew it was going to be bad. I could've just left. But I stayed and had a glass. And a second. And then half the bottle. And then the rest of the bottle. My ex came back and flipped out of the me that was taken by alcohol. He left out of rage and left me there. His friend brought out some kind of powder, that we snorted. Since then I've been shaking, vomiting, paranoid (more than ususal), and just acting like a druggie. Monday I got out of my skull high on something my friend had. And yesterday I got extremely drunk. I seem to be falling back into my old habbits. I know I need to stop, but I can't. I love the way the substances make me feel. I love the way my mind becomes with the alterations. I love it. But... I need to stop. My friend sat me down and talked about how his mom was an addict and couldn't get out of it. He doesn't want me going down the same road.
Help?
Just so you know... I'm NOT going to any 12-step program or AA.

[Willcat]

I glad you have decided to do something about your drug use. Admitting you have a problem is a good first step.

What has helped me is having a recovery plan. The plan can include any healthy behavior or way to change problem thinking.

Having people around you that support you decision to quit drugs is important IMO. As with staying away from people that would trigger you to use drugs is important too.

Maybe continue to post here in the addiction forum and seek support from the caring people here.

I hope you will continue to stick with your commitment to live drug free.

[Caretaker Leo]

Oh, my heart is sort of breaking for you. You are still so young and your body and brain will be growing for another 10 years. One of my sons did what you are doing and he is still struggling today. (He is twice your age).

He and I have had many painful discussions and if he could do things over again, he would NOT have used drugs and alcohol. He is currently paying the price in many negative ways - lost teeth, probation for many years, no job, random drug & alcohol testing etc. Last night he decided he needed to do 90 meetings in 90 days. He had also been determined that he would not go to meetings.

I will wish you the best. Until you are truly ready, you will talk about what you need to do. And Willcat is right - that is a good first step. Results will only happen if you take a chance and take a second step.