[Nectarine]

My husband and I have been pretty severe alcoholics since late May of 2008... a few days after my mother's death. He has a family history of alcoholism, and grew up with somewhat deadbeat alcoholic parents... and I have been drinking to avoid thinking about the loss of my best friend, my mom.

I have brought it up several times, trying in my most endearing, casual, and unoffensive way to tell him we both have a serious problem. He is stuck on the 'we can stop anytime' excuse... though we did briefly quit drinking for a few months, mostly because he had health problems... and once they were cured we got sucked right back in.

I am so frustrated with the situation. I can't stop him, nor can I control my own cravings. I have noticed that my complexion, moods, social skills... all improved during those few months we did not drink. I still wake up every day hungover, grumpy, and disgusted with myself.

If anyone has a suggestion, I am open. Please keep in mind I have tried to do the serious chat with him, but my casual nature and his 'whatever bro' attitude has made it impossible for him to consider me seriously. It has actually gotten to a point where I hope for something detrimental to happen to me so that he will snap out of it and take me seriously...

Thanks in advance!

[taylor43]

I am in the same situation. I see a addictions counsellor tommrow. I hope someone can offer you advice I just wanted to give you a (((Hug)). Do you think going to therapy might help him relize you are serious in breaking the habit?

[Perna]

I had friends, husband and wife and she ended up being bipolar and it was only discovered when she was arrested for a serious DUI. She had been self-medicating. I would go see your doctor for a reality check as to how your body is doing and see what he has to say and if he can recommend any treatment programs.

[missbelle]

You cannot help hubby till he is ready.
You can help yourself if you are ready! You must be ready to admit that alcohol is causing a problem in YOUR life. There is always alcoholics annonymous(AA). They can be found on the web or your phone book. There are also on-line meetings. Nothing beats though a meeting of real people with problems. The on-line meetings can be done when you have some sobriety.

Are you really ready to give up drinking....then call the ph # for AA and find the nearest meeting and go!!!. Your hubby will go when he is ready. Do not ask him to go,but simply tell him where you are going. He can then make his own choice!

You have a New Year,a new start ..."today is the first day of the rest of your life"........we can always begin again.

With serenity;
Dee

[madisgram]

and I have been drinking to avoid thinking about the loss of my best friend, my mom.

the best advice i can offer is for you to focus on your drinking issues. we can't cajole or force others to change. but you can change you! for me attending AA helped me tremendously to stop and stay stopped. many of us found that pathway. i hope you'll consider going for yourself. im sorry for your loss but drinking won't fix that. it'll only make you more depressed when you drink since alcohol is a depressant.
if hubby continues to drink you don't have to.
here's a helpful link re meetings in your area
http://alcoholicsanonymous.9f.com/meetings.htm scroll down the page to your state. hope this helps.

[roads]

Originally Posted by Nectarine

I am so frustrated with the situation. I can't stop him, nor can I control my own cravings.

I'm so glad you're at PC! Sorry, though, for what brought you here. I know how hard it is to live with a drinker & try not to.

No, you can't change his behavior. You can't change your cravings. But if you're ready to stop drinking, you can do that.

Don't make any drinks.
If he brings you a drink, leave it untouched. The next day, pour it out.
If he becomes unpleasant because of your refusal to drink, leave.

If, knowing him, you sense that he will only become more angry, spend the night with a friend or relative or in a motel. I'd suggest arranging an intervention (AA can explain this) for him.

[NYCDoglvr]

The truth is there is nothing you can say or do that will affect your husband's drinking. You do, however, have power over yourself ... How about getting sober for yourself! I recommend going to AA or seeing a doctor who understands addiction/alcoholism. Good luck!