All alone trying to get clean

Nobody but me knows I drink hard stuff and take more and more of my prescription pain meds and muscle relaxers each month but me. I hide it from the world because of the work I do I can lose my job. As it is now I am about to lose my job anyway due to too many days off, about to lose my marriage due to too many strange behaviors then I guess I will just lose my life at the end. Right now I have a medical problem that is allowing me to be off of work for 4-8 weeks so I am TRYING to get clean and sober on my own. I grew up with an alchoholic dad who has been doing great in AA for 25+ years now so I know a little about the program. But I cannot go and risk my colleges at work finding out about my condition or it's over. Can anybody here give me some supportive thoughts? Am I just being a fool to even try this on my own!

Lets take this by the numbers…
#1 You are afraid of losing your job because of your drinking, and you are afraid you can’t stop or stay stopped on your own.
#2 You might lose your job anyway because of your drinking.
#3 You are afraid you might throw your marrage away because of your drinking.
#4 You are trying to do something about your drinking alone, and you are afraid that you can’t do it.
and #5 You know about Alcoholics Anonymous, and you know that it works!

9, if something doesn’t change in your life, it’s all over anyway. You know that.

Your colleges and spouse suspect, or know now that you are drinking too much, they are not fools. Where I come from, there are AA meetings for nurses, doctors, lawyers, cops, all kinds of professionals.

Find one, and go! For drunks like me, the alternatives to recovery really suck.

Richard

Thanks for your honesty man!

Alcholism is covered under the ADA law. you cannot be fired IF you go for treatment. I suggest you take time under disability (you have 12 consecutive weeks) to get cleaned up and back to work.
Let us know how you are doing.

Well, so much for getting sober-

Here I sit after six shots of rum. What a mess. I know I should just "come out" and ask for help. But how do I confess? I have made so many lies to cover up stuff. I have epilepsy so now I am off work for 4-8 weeks trying to 'get it together'. I feel so F'd up and lost. I just want to check out but that is not an option. I am so sad. I have a head Dr. I see but he is $100 an hour. I know I can call him any time on his cell phone and he is there for me. He is not like a regular doc.- he puts his heart and soul into my case. So I am not alone. I can confess to him if things get too bad. Should I? I don't know yet. I cannot tell my hubby-that's so sad....

Welcome to crazy world of trying to drink all we want, as often as we want, and still have the people in our lives love us. It is very hard work being drunk and pretending that we aren’t. I found it exausting.

For me, it was all about the secret. I could never let anyone know how it really was with me. That confession might put my access to alcohol in jeperdy. And I wouldn’t have that. Alcohol wasn’t my problem, it really was my solution.

I hated what I call naked content. This world without a buzz on was a scary, hostile and lonely place to live. But after, say six shots of rum, the world changed from a hard, cold existence into a Technicolor wonderland. But the problem is I couldn’t stay drunk. I came to and all the crap I was trying to avoid yesterday, and any new crap I manufactured while drunk, came rushing back big time.

What could I do but drink it all away again? That is the vicious cycle we find ourselves in. And 9Lives, no matter how bad things are right now, in a year or two, you are going to call what’s going on in your life right now the good old days. Active alcoholism always gets worse over time, it never better.

Do you really think your husband doesn’t know something is wrong? The people around you may not know all the details, but like I said before, they aren’t fools either.

Quit lying, tell the truth. This disease lives in the lies we tell, in the secrets we keep, and in the fear we feel. Break the cycle. Find a recovery path that does not involve you trying to do it all alone in secret (that is a fools errand if there ever was one) and put into that recovery path, half the energy you put into staying drunk, and you will be amazed at what happens.

Good things happen to people like us when we don’t drink.

Richard