[DarlaKat]

I don't even know where to start on this post...but...

In late February, this year, I got sent to a mental institution due to some complications I'd rather not talk about... They diagnosed me with chemical dependency and treated me for alcohol withdrawal (fed me benzo's) and also made me go to the rehab ward to attend group therapies...

I was doing really good for a while when I got discharged...even attended AA meetings...but then I decided to be stupid and move back to my hometown and randomly move in with my boyfriend... Everyone drank there and smoked dope...I couldn't fight my urges, so I began to drink every day again (not as bad as I was before treatment, though--I was literally drinking from the time I woke up to the time when I'd eventually pass out). I got severely depressed, and in late March I got sent to yet ANOTHER mental institution...

When I got out, I went straight back to drinking...and the scary thing is...now, when I lose control and get extremely drunk, I become extremely abusive towards my boyfriend. I feel so horrible, so I'm back to quitting again and actually going to go into this extensive program that my psychiatrist and therapist suggested.

Only thing is...I feel like all of the relationships I've had have slipped away. I'm not social AT ALL anymore and when I actually am, I get so anxious that all I want and try to do is drink...and sadly, the majority of my friends and also my parents don't believe I have a chemical dependency problem (I'm only 21--been using since I was 15). They laugh at me and tell me its normal to get sloppy drunk sometimes...but they don't realize or really want to listen to my side, which is, I feel the COMPULSION to drink all the time and it's RUINING MY LIFE.

I feel so sorry for my boyfriend...he's so confused as to what to do and I don't blame him for being that way. I'm a basket case. I just hope I'll never hurt him again like that...that was terrible!

[gma45]

What maybe fine for one person may not be for another. Just because they think it is ok to get sloppy drunk once in a while doesn't mean you have to! Take care of yourself you are the only one that can, you know what drinking does to you and it isn't pretty! You might need to change a few things like where you hang out and who you hang with but it is your life you are talking about. I hated myself when I would drink and get ugly it does make one depressed and I hated that too! There is so much more to life than drinking if we just give life a chance! I don't think you will be able to get them to understand some people just don't get it, but it sounds like you do! So PLEASE just take care of you for you and for the people you choose to be around!

[madisgram]

darla, you admit you have a problem. that is the first step of recovery. i had a hard time getting sober years ago and bounced around psych wards and dual diagnosis wards-bipolar, major depressive disorder and alcoholism. they all fed the other. a viscious cycle until i stopped drinking/ plus i had to be vigilant about my MH dx's. it worked. i am 22 years sober and rarely deal withh my MH issues and take my meds responsibly.
i went to AA regularly. that helped me treat the disease off alcoholism. i saw a T and pdoc. that combo was the key, AA, Therapy, a pdoc. i learned in AA that people, places and things affected my sobriety. i hung with the winners in AA instead. i got a sponsor and followed her suggestions even if wanted to balk. (she knew more about staying sober than i.)
your desire to change and get sober will help you stay the course. if we stray from what we've learned we will fail time and again.
please don't get discouraged. you can accomplish this and a wonderful life for you awaits. please know we care, understand and support you getting well.

[Leed]

Hi ~ When I got sober in AA, the first thing they "taught" me was I had to change PEOPLE, PLACES AND THINGS. That meant I couldn't hang out with the same people, go to the same places, or do the same things!

So I changed my friends. I couldn't hang with the same bunch, because they drank & drugged! I could NOT afford to be "friends" with them. And they weren't really friends anyway. They were just drinking buddies. Could I rely on them in a crisis?? HECK NO. They were always drunk! Could I ask them for a ride somewhere if I needed one? NO, cause they were always drunk! I couldn't rely on them for anything. They weren't friends -- in fact they were users -- they always borrowed money, and NEVER paid it back.

I couldn't go to the same places, cause that was usually BARS. I had to change my route home from work, cause I always passed the liquor store where i'd buy my "stash" for home.

And I stopped going out. Where I lived, the only thing to do was go to a bar, or a lodge. So I just stayed home. I found things to do at home - I got back into hobbies, i.e. painting, drawing, and I played the organ too. So I kept plenty busy after I got home from work. Plus I attended every meeting that was available too. I was NOT bored, by any means!

It doesn't MATTER what your family thinks -- you KNOW you have a problem with alcohol. Get back to meetings and work the steps! It's a matter of life and death, and I'm not exaggerating! YOu CAN do this. I wish you the very best! God bless you & take care. Hugs, Lee