Recognizing Character Defects

when we are willing to change old behaviors here is a good list to start from to help us identify what creates unmanageabilty in our life.

Going over the listing, we ask ourself have we honestly admitted our defects to ourself as we write out on paper how they have manifested in our lives and created the unmanageability we have known.

Here is a list of defects:

1. Resentment, Anger
2. Fear, Cowardice
3. Self pity
4. Self justification
5. Self importance, Egotism
6. Self condemnation, Guilt
7. Lying, Evasiveness, Dishonesty
8. Impatience
9. Hate
10. False pride, Phoniness, Denial
11. Jealousy
12. Envy
13. Laziness
14. Procrastination
15. Insincerity
16. Negative Thinking
17. Immoral thinking
18. Perfectionism, Intolerance
19. Criticizing, Loose Talk, Gossip
20. Greed

Honesty, Hope, Faith, Courage, Integrity, Willingness, Humility, Brotherly Love, Justice, Perseverance, Spirituality, and Service to One Another. (Those are the character assets we need to acquire.)

resentment and fear are the biggies for me. using rebt to dispute the irrational selftalk. baby steps bob, baby steps.

...If i'm being totally honest...I would have to check (all the above)

For sure, there are many that apply to me. If I am able to overcome them, would I be out of character?

Even after all these years, I have to be on the lookout for resentment and self-condemnation. Those have plagued me all my life. Depression doesn't help either. But I'm being treated for that.

Aaaah well -- we strive for progress, not perfection. Thanks Madisgram, for this list. I need to see it more often than I do! God bless. Hugs, Lee

Thank you for this list. I honestly have issues with Anger, Guilt, and Insincerity. Also I have to check my patience meter from time to time. Kinda goes hand in hand with my temper lol.

I am having a terrible time with step 6. I'm just stuck. I think a lot of it has to do with my past. My father is an alcoholic and was abusive to me and my 3 siblings. I hate him. So now in dealing with the character defects, I don't know if I want to not hate him. It's weird. I know it is only hurting me, but I can't or won't let it go. If anyone has advice, I would like to hear it.

Hopeful -- Hate and resentment only hurt YOU. The people you hate and resent don't even KNOW how you feel about them, so YOU are the one who is getting hurt. Those feelings are eating YOU alive. I'm sure you've heard the old statement "Resentment is the poison I take to kill you." Well, it's true. When we hate or resent someone, it only "kills" US.

Why not try to let all that poison go? It does you no good, and it doesn't affect the person you're hating/resenting. Letting it go frees you of all the negativity and "cleans" you of all that poison so you can really GROW in the program and in LIFE!

I had alot of resentment against my Mom and my ex. I worked hard to get rid of all that and I finally did and now I know that it can't hurt me anymore! And Step 6 will be a breeze to get thru! Your Dad won't be able to hurt you anymore sweetie.

I wish you the very best. Please take care of YOU. God bless. Hugs, Lee

this may help you as it did me-in the big book it says, "pray for those who have harmed us." it won't change them but magically it helps us!!!